why aren't we married yet?

Question

my b/f and i have been together for over 6 years. he moved in with me 7 months into our relationship. so it feels like we're practically married. i can't imagine caring for another person as much as i do for him. we do everything for each other and love each other more and more everyday. but he says he doesn't want to get married for a few more years. it just feels funny to think that by the time we get married we'll have been together for like 10 years! even our families want us to get married and have babies already. his gma is getting old and i want her to be able to see our children. i am open for any thoughts on this!

yes he knows it bugs me... we've hit a few bumps in our relationship but now we have began a new chapter and things are getting even better. i understand maybe he is enjoying the "free ride"... but i know he loves me like crazy. i blame tom leykis LoL

also the money part bugs him a lot, he said he wants to wait till we are more financially secure. but i want to have babies before i'm 30... thank you all for your great opinions : )

this is my first question ever and you guys (except for one person that decided to judge me like crazy) are AWESOME! thank you so so much for your advice : ) and to future answer-ers don't get all religous on me and try and judge me like only He can. thanks.

Answer 1

Well geez... you two already ACT like you're married... moving in together and everything. I don't really see why he would even ask you to marry him if he's already getting the free ride....

Answer 2

If he really loved you, he would have married you already. No man wants anyone thinking bad about the woman they love. No matter how 'modern' people may think, marriage is about taking responsibility, love, RESPECT, honor, etc. I get so tired of hearing people say that you don't need a piece of paper to tell you that you are committed to each other. IF that is so true, why are so many guys and girls so afraid of getting it? HHmm, could it be because now they would have a responsibility to actually have to work at the relationship? They know that they would not have their freedom anymore? Or could it be that they can't just wake up one morning and decide they aren't in love anymore and just walk out? So many questions to think about.

I have seen so many friends over the years live with guys who 'want to wait a little longer' split up after 7 plus years and then the guys meet and fall in love and marry their new girlfriends in less than 2 years. I have learned that a major percentage of guys like that are only saying that they are waiting for something better to come along. Plus shacking up after only 7 months?! What were you thinking? And to think that I met my husband and dated only to wait to marry and then live together. It was 3 years total time. It was so worth it too!

Answer 3

I suppose I could start with "Eww marriage!" but that might be a little inappropriate. Haha. I've never understood why so many people out there want to get married. If you're together, you're together.
When I was growing up, I don't remember a time when either of my parents were in a strong and committed relationship. Quite frankly, I find the concept terrifying. Maybe he experienced the same thing...? If a child doesn't have proper adult models for what to follow, they can be quite confused in adulthood.
I think that if people are together, living together, sharing the same space and they're happy, that's as close to marriage as one needs to be. You don't need some court ordered document to ensure that you'll be together forever. Let the man have some space and give him time to think about it.
you should appreciate a man who is honest enough to let you know he's not ready yet, despite pressure. He's not a frivolous type that's going to jump right in and keep the thought in the back of his mind that he "can always get a divorce." When you get this guy to put a ring on your finger, it'll be for real, so stop pressuring him and let him do things in his own course. Marriage is not for everyone, but the fact that you've lived together for 6 years shows that he's committed and he's staying around. Give the man some space.

Answer 4

Because you have not pushed the subject and have "practically" been married, he sees no reason to actually do it. He knows weddings cost a lot and yes sometimes the relationship does change. It seems however, that he loves you enough and I think that if you really bring this to him open and honestly, he will see where you are coming from. Communicate with him now how you feel. I think he will be more open to marriage if he knows how much it means to you. Right now you are giving him the commitment and the married way of life, without the strings and hassle. Show him it is what you need and I think he will respond.

Answer 5

If someone could look into a crystal ball and tell you that if you moved out of this 'live-in' relationship and waited and waited and this guy still didn't want to get married, you'd:
1) have more independence
2) have more of a social life
3) date a lot of different guys and enjoy that
4) meet someone who is special and thinks you're special
5) say yes to his proposal of marriage and marry him
6) have babies in the next five years
Would you do it?
So what's your excuse for staying with this guy? No one has a crystal ball. Yes, you're crazy about him and you're two peas in a pod, blah, blah, blah, but this guy still thinks something else might come along and he wants to stay single.
He can be single without living with you, you know.
And if you live separately, and you're dating, he will have to realize just what's at stake.

Answer 6

I hate to tell you this, as I am in a similar situation, but...
If they don't ask in the first two years of a relationship they probably won't. He might, but I wouldn't count on it.

Truth is, if he was the marrying kind, and he wanted to marry you he would have. Plain and simple.

He might have committment issues, he might think that he will eventually want to move on. Likely he has given it little to no thought at all, and doesn't even know what he hopes to accomplish by waiting.

So you have to ask yourself, how much do you want to be married? If he never does it, are you going to be okay with that or will it make you bitter?

Guys that don't ask generally don't want to be married. Don't waste your time with him if that is really important to you. Eventually the relationship will suffer because of the resentment. In the meantime, you deserve a guy who wants you as much as you want him.

Best of luck, if you need someone to talk to you can email me, it is in my profile. I can't reply to those emails though so please include your address if you would like a response.

Take care.
BTW I've been with mine for 5 years and I recently moved into my own place, we've been living together since the begining. I've told him that I will not live with him again unless we are married. We will see what happens.

Answer 7

I wouldn't feel too out of place, my aunt and uncle were bf/gf for a little over 10 years until they finally got married and even though it was that long they still love each other just the same, so think about that a man loves you, not how long you have been together. You should not care what others think either, its your relationship not theirs.

Answer 8

Maybe he's trying to plan a special romantic proposal. It took my husband 4 years to ask me to marry him. & that's mainly because we've both been down that road before.
Keep giving him subtle hints... or ask him if it's the money... then how about we elope & then have a wedding for the family when we can afford it. (If you families are not paying for it.) Besides, think of the tax breaks you'll get when you're married & have children!!! :) :) See marriage has it's benefits! :)
Good luck! :)

Answer 9

the reason that you aren't married is because you've been living as though you are married. He is getting everything that he would in a marriage, guy's don't feel the need to get married like women do.

Now if you moved out and stop living like you were married, things might be different.

My mother always tells me never to move in with a guy. She says the women gets her emotions involved and the guy is just into the sex.
Good luck.

Answer 10

This is what you call 'shacking up', not living together. I really think that he is really using you for company and for the sex. If he was serious about you, he would have asked you to marry him already. It seems like he is not that serious in making any commitment with you. I hate to say this, but you are being used by someone who is not ready for any type of commitment. You are just wasting your time with him. What if he doesn't ask you to marry him? Are you going to wait until he is ready? He should know you by now with being with you for six years.

You need to tell him that if he is not going to make any type of commitment with you and doesn't want to marry you, then he needs to move out. If you want to marry someone and spend the rest of your life with that someone, then you need to make it right by setting marriage vows for each other. Marriage is like a contract that cannot be broken. Marriage is two people becoming 'one' in unity.

This guy doesn't want to marry you. You need to find out why. If he loves you, then he would want to marry you and make you his 'beloved wife'. Right now, you are just like an unpaid @@@@@ living with a guy who is just there being waited on. He needs to make a decision.

I am sorry to say this to you like that, but he hasn't grown up yet. And it is time that you wake up and start seeing who he really is.

Answer 11

After living together 6 mos. under ur circumstances in my state u r married.. why do u have to have a paper? bcuz... if he really loved you ... he would make it legal... !Like they have said for years.. WHY BUY THE COW, IF THE MILK IS FREE!!! You have made this whole situation tooo ez for him... You are more attached than he is.. Give him a ultimatum .. and if he says no or want set a date... walk out the door... if the date comes and goes, grab ur clothes and run not walk out the door.. he is not gonna...