Ok i am 25 years old and i am married..The thing is i dont love him. we have 3 kids together.I dont know how to tell him that i dont love him any more.I know he still loves me but i dont feel the same way..We got married when i was 17.He trys to tell me what to do and where i can go..I need help on the best way to tell him i dont love him and i want to leave.I dont want to be mean to him..Plz help
2007-06-30 18:03:37 · 13 answers · asked by beautifulred 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The best thing to do before doing anything is seeking advice like you're doing now, but also go talk to a divorce attorney for legal adice as well because he could use the kids as a way to hold you. It's important to know your options, who you can turn to, and the best way to leave with minimal amount of pain and hassle before you finally tell him. Once you know all the ins and outs of your situation you'll feel more comfortable just laying it down on the line and telling him the truth. The best thing to do is be upfront with him. You can say things like: "I love you as a person and we've shared many good memories together, but I don't feel the same kind of love that I felt when we first got married. If you love me, you'll let me go." Most likely, he will say things that will make you feel guilty and maybe even hurt, but you have to do what's best for you and ultimately your kids. Your children will feel the disparity in your feelings, if they don't already and it will just get worse through time. If you feel that there is anything at all to work on, try going to counseling. If you done all that already and you're pretty much set on your decision and how you feel, then just do it. There is really no good way, you just have to be strong and make him see that there is something good out there for him too. Hope this helps. Good luck.
2007-06-30 18:20:38 · answer #1 · answered by whatif 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all be really sure you do not love him anymore. It is something very hard for all specially your children. They will suffer a great deal. Once you are sure. There is no way you can tell him without hurting him. You can minimize this hurt, however, by being very objective and clear. Be short and simple. Tell him when your children are not around and you have time to talk and settle. He will need time to cope with such news.
Good Luck and Be ready to help your children in their sorrow.
2007-06-30 18:12:53 · answer #2 · answered by azulladosiempre 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest... just tell him you guys were too young... and you still love him as the father of your kids, but your not in love with him anymore... communication is the best way to keep things on good terms, YES he's gunna be hurt, and it will take him time to get over it, but coming clean is the only way for you to move past and to be happy, and the only way to be a good parent is to be happy with your life... and take care of yourself... Your kids can sense whats going on...
2007-06-30 18:07:41 · answer #3 · answered by princesslele1981 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless he commits adultery, you don't have the right to divorce him. You also have to consider how much you will damage your children, if you leave him. Children from divorced families carry a hurt that effects the rest of their lives. You should do what ever it takes to make your marriage better. You can stand up for yourself and not let him tell you what you can and can't do. He is your husband, not your daddy.
Remember your wedding vows, for better or WORSE, in SICKNESS and in health, for richer or POORER until DEATH do us part.
Love is a choice.
2007-07-01 03:31:36 · answer #4 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a somewhat similar situation. I was not in love with him anymore. He was very controlling. We would fight often and loudly. When I finally made the decision that I would leave, I knew he wouldn't "let" me. So I waited till we were not fighting he left for work and I left for good. Of course he called me immediately confused and angry, but by distancing myself from the situation, I was able to stay calm and rational and explain the reasons I left, and he had no choice but to accept it as fact.
2007-06-30 18:36:09 · answer #5 · answered by Kathrine R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you want to leave? Have you met someone else? Have you thought about trying to make it work?
If you don't want him to control you, you can talk about things.
But if you really want to leave, be sure you know what you are doing. Research custody law in your state. Do you have your own money?
To tell him, just be honest. Say I'm sorry, I have changed. I thought I could be the perfect wife for you, but I cannot tolerate being told what to do and where to go. I need to leave for my own happiness.
2007-06-30 18:09:40 · answer #6 · answered by njspanteach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you husband weren't so possessive, would you feel the same way? Maybe, you guys need counseling, to help you with this issue. Express to him that your no longer happy with the current situation. Your not happy with his behavior, and that you want out.
2007-06-30 18:39:21 · answer #7 · answered by Rafa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you didn't know what you wanted when you were 17, and things have changed, you're not the person you were then. You were too young....BLAH BLAH BLAH. It's going to be hard, and it stinks, but it happens. GOOD LUCK!!
2007-06-30 18:08:23 · answer #8 · answered by ~*:•JENN•:*~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try counseling, so you can explain how you feel through an mediary person, somewhere where he can't tell you that you can't leave him. Good luck, I know how you feel!
2007-06-30 18:10:45 · answer #9 · answered by danny23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you love him but you're not in love with him anymore... hope he don't find out about the other man..
2007-06-30 18:09:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋