How long do you hold out in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children?

Question

My husband is a funny personable guy. People like him. He's a great dad, but a lousy husband. We have been married for 15 years. I can honestly say I've never loved him. We dated a couple weeks and one night had too much to drink. We had sex. I got pregnant. I was 30 and wanted to be responsible and do the right thing. We both said let's make it work and we got married. We tried. We had 2 more kids. People think we're happy but truthfully we're not. We fight, and I'm so lonely. I come from a divorced family and I don't want to put my kids through that. Together we have provided a nice home and we give our kids a lot. But we give nothing to each other. We sleep in separate rooms, there is no love. There is no intimacy. The separate sleeping started when the kids were little and it was easy to let the kids sleep with me and have him sleep down the hall. Now it's become our life. I have no desire for him, but I have deep desires for a man. I have needs. He must too. What do I do? I'm sad.

Answer 1

You have 2 choices.
Fix your marriage.........or divorce.
Which one do you think you can do???

Answer 2

Ahh to beging with both of you did not think it through well just becuase you got preganent does not mean go ahead and get married and have more kids. No just lousy thinking. Well look at where it put the both of you now can you honestley say you both did the right thing. Why do people such as yourselve think about the now then what will or might happen down the road. Why becuase people always are scared and don't see things through till it hits them in the face. Its all to natural everyone has done it before. Parents get divorced all the time and kids are involed its all on how you raise your kids wither your together or not. Yea so it sucks that kids hate it when parents seperate, but you know we all get over it someday. Look at yourself you did not turn out crazy or out in the streets right? I thought so. So why B I T C H about your love live move on and find someone that actually loves you and your kids at the same time. Your going to just make it harder on you and eventually your kids too. Have you ever thought about that? Prob. not! So, get your deeperst a s s up and do something before you turely snap

Answer 3

Marriage has nothing to do with happiness or unhappiness . Marriage is a commitment , a contract . Maybe you didn't understand that when you said till death do us part . If it's so easy to say boo hoo I'm not happy today so I want a divorce , what protection is that for the family or why even bother to marry in the first place . You can choose to be happy and do the things that make you happy within the bounds of your marriage , whether he does or not . Sex doesn't make happiness neither does love , but a commitment to love (as a verb) can make you happy .

Answer 4

You can't stay in a marriage because of the kids or for the sake of the kids. Sooner or later they will know and start asking questions. It's better to be upfront with them. You need to find happiness before it's too late for the both of you. He can still be a great dad without having to be in the same house. You guys need to really sit down and talk this through, and make sure this is something the both of you want. Good luck.

Answer 5

I think staying in this environment is much worse for the kids, think about how much happier the kids would be if you and your husband were happy. splitting up doesn't necessarily mean your kids will be unhappy its when parents who divorce fight in front of the kids and basically make each others life a living hell that the kids get messed up.
So as long as you divorce in an amicable way i think it would be better then it is now! And really how much different will it be it sounds like you all ready lead 2 separate lives.

Answer 6

Marriage shouldn't be "for the sake of the kids". Kids can sense when there is tension in the home. I left my husband of 9 years almost 3 years ago & I found out my daughter was more relieved than I was because she could tell we were both unhappy. She loves both of us but just not together. We all need that companionship & we all have the need to be loved. Don't waste your life being unhappy. Good luck.

Answer 7

Girl...pack up your sh*t, pack up the kid's sh*t and run like you on fire ok. There is no sense in staying in a marriage like that. How can you possibly make your kids happy if you're not happy? They can see things that you think they don't see. Kids are smarter than you think. If you are sad and depressed and living in an unhealthy marriage, what exactly are you teaching your kids? Do you want them to grow up and be the same way when they get married? I don't think that you do. Get out while you're still young.

Answer 8

I would at least attempt therapy first. My husbands parents divorced when he was 24 and his sister was 26 they are both very scared from it all. It really does affect kids no matter what their age. On the other hand, I think it's important for kids to have a good model so when they enter their own relationships they know what to strive for. Good luck.

Answer 9

How you live your life everyday is an example for your children. If they live in a home where they see no shared love, they grow up believing that that is the way it's supposed to be. And believe me, they KNOW that you are unhappy.

Divorce is hard on all the people involved. But the opportunity to show your kids real happiness and real love is priceless. I know. I stayed for the kids and they knew everyday that it was a lie.

Answer 10

Your marriage has been dead for years. Have a talk with him about divorce. You both need to move on. Work together on what is best for the kids. Make whatever arrangements you can to make it easier on the children.

Answer 11

Iam so sorry to read about wat u r going through. I can feel ur pain. Iam also going through a v.painful marriage. My lives with his 1st wife & 4 kids in other city. We are married for 2yrs now. His marriage with me was a secret marriage but now he has disclosed it 2 his family, Initially he used 2 visit me around every 10-12days for 2-3days but now he comes after more than a month for 1-2days. He says he doesnt hav time 2 b with me & also that his 1st family gets irritated & fights with him if he gives me time. If I complain he says hurtful things & threatens me with divorce. He doesnt give me financial support as he cannt afford it. He is never there 4 me in case I have any problems. I live with my aged mother. Iam 38yrs old & unable 2 hav children bcoz Iam havng premature menopause now & in our culture woman's divorce & 2nd marriage are considered bad. I hav no solution in mind 4 ur problem or even 4 my own problem 4 tht matter but plz dont feel alone & dont lose courage. U hav 2 live 4 urself & ur kids. Just remember many othrs are also suffering in this world like u.