my therapist wants me to do this eventually but why?
it wasn't a stranger, he was my boyfriend at the time he did it! but my therapist wants me to, for some reason...
2007-06-30 17:44:30 · 16 answers · asked by nila_dream 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
how is this supposed to give me power over it?
2007-06-30 18:09:51 · update #1
can't believe how many people want me to get a new therapist...the people who believe otherwise, have good points that they've made
2007-07-03 14:14:34 · update #2
It is obvious that you are still having flashbacks because of being raped, and it is an obsession. If you confront him you will let him know that he does not control your life anymore. Once you do you will be able to go on with your life. You must confront your fears, in order to overcome them.
I do not recommend you get a new therapist. This one hits the nail on the head. However do it when you are ready to, and not alone.
2007-07-08 04:42:36 · answer #1 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
I'm a therapist as well and if I was your therapist I would like you to tell me about how your feel about this and what your doubts are. Nobody, absolutely NOBODY can force you into seeing your ex-boyfriend again. You are now in control over your life. By being pushed into seeing him again, or if you have the feeling you are being pushed into it, this will be a repeat of the situation that happened. It will not resolve anything if you heart is not in it. You need to find out why your therapist thinks this is the right thing for you. You will have to be the one to ask her and get the answers you need. You are the boss, you pay for these session, so you can decide what is going to happen. Your therapist can only give you suggestions and you will need to understand why he/she gives thos suggestions.
Your therapist's reason might be that you can voice how it made you feel at the time. It is thought that this will reduce his change of reoffending and will give you power over him. I don't know any of your background information, but it could be that you still see him on occassion and this could make it less emotional for you.
I wish you all the best. You are very brave to seek therapy, I know how difficult it is.
2007-06-30 17:56:09 · answer #2 · answered by Chava 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know right now you probably do not want to do this but in the future you may. Your therapist wants you to so that you take the power and control back from your rapist. It is one of the steps in healing. I am also a rape survivor. I did confront my rapist after a few years. It was hard to do and I was scared to do it even though he was in prison. However once I did I no longer felt afraid of him. Take as long as you need to do this. don't let your therapist rush you into it. It has to be done when you are ready and only when you are ready. You will be in my thoughts. Take care of yourself.
2007-06-30 17:56:10 · answer #3 · answered by D and G Gifts Etc 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know this seems weird but it's a good idea. I was raped when I was 14. I was so depressed and my life wasn't worth living. I started cutting.
After about a year I said to myself I wasn't going to take any more of this from him. It wasn't my fault so I shouldn't be living in fear anymore.
So i confronted him. I said all I needed to say. After, I was no long angry or sad at him. I still hate what happened and the situation I was in and how it's left me but I no longer put the blame on anyone else.
Since that day, it's been a lot easier.
Don't do this until you are ready. But I strongly suggest it. Remember it's not your fault and you need to tell him this. It'll help you release your anger (you may not think you're angry but that is what it really is)
Good luck. You can email me when ever you like. wabbulentei@yahoo.com.au
2007-06-30 23:17:27 · answer #4 · answered by ★☆✿❀ 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
probably because it can bring you some sort of closure to confront the person who did this to you, to voice your pain and show that person exactly what they did to you emotionally. Especially if it was someone you knew, they violated you sexually and they violated your trust, it is to bring you a sense of finality to the horrible ordeal. Its supposed to give you power by being able to take control of the situation and being able to be the one who is in control unlike the situation he put you in when you were not in control of what was happening to you. You are able to regain yourself and to look that person in the eye and let them know they did not win. It should be done in a controlled setting though with people around so you feel safe. but if you do not feel comfortable doing it you do not have to nor should anyone try to force you to do so. I'm just showing you what the possible thought process your therapist is thinking.
2007-06-30 17:50:10 · answer #5 · answered by tiff-so-fierce 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Huum that is a hard one.... has your therapist ever been in your situation? if not then who is she/he to tell you this is what you have to do.... I say write a letter .... why should you have to bring back those ugly feelings and risk the fact that you will get upset in front of the person giving them the feeling that they are hurting you all over again....if your not ready I say tell your therapist to take a hike if he/she cannot understand that you are uncomfortable doing it.... but if you feel that you can then walk in there and say what you got to say and know they wont ever hurt anyone else again... Or we can just snip of his ba*lls... good luck....
2007-06-30 23:44:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
/you ought to bypass to the PD the place the attack happened and ask to talk with a Detective. tell them which you're there simply by fact your BF is scared for regardless of reason. Now- a observe of warning- the PD would not ought to open a case in basic terms given which you instructed them what befell, nor will your tale positioned the criminal in the back of bars, as your BF is the only guy or woman who can checklist the crime- he's important for prosecution. whether, the Det. ought to take on the case and bypass and communicate jointly with your BF, who ought to finally end up beginning up in regards to the incident, hence open up the case for prosecution. i does not propose confronting the criminal, because it is going to open you as much as the opportunity of harm/attack and so forth. the very in basic terms right element you're able to do is to persuade your BF to talk to the Police himself. Threaten which you will if he wont, and so forth. it ought to get the ball rolling. in basic terms right of success. And gay or not- no person merits to be sufferer of a sexual attack.
2016-12-08 21:15:20 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you are going to court I would not do this. Write a letter(don't give it). I would also opt for a new therapist.
2007-07-03 13:05:25 · answer #8 · answered by sillylittlemonkee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe he wants you to go through a process that starts with denial to anger to bargaining to depression to acceptance .
these are the five steps of dealing with loss or trauma and take a person to closure.confrontation is understanding and learning to deal with something rather than repression or escape which don't facilitate closure.
2007-06-30 18:05:30 · answer #9 · answered by dogpatch USA 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow. Don't think about confronting him now. Because that will never happen until you're absolutely ready. It's something that may happen in the future but I would say for now to just... not think about it if it worries you.
Peace
2007-06-30 17:54:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋