If a relationship isn't working should you stay in it for the kids?

Question

I met this girl in vagas and have since moved to to her home state to be with her. We have had two beutiful boys in the past two years and I love them more with each passing day . My question is should I stay in this state, which I can't stand, And in this dead end relationship which seems to have no chance from either side. Keep in mind that I'm in my upper 30's and have to make the right decision soon. Life is too short. Right???

Answer 1

The truth is that sometimes its better for the kids if the parents divorce or seperate. When your stuck in a dead end relationship you tend to have more arguements with your partner and can cause a negitive enviroment for the kids to grow up in which will cause emotional scarring and may alter the way they think a healthy relationship should work. If you seperate in a peaceful manner the kids can still have a healthy up bringing and less of a chance that there will be any emotional damage. So if your not happy and you see it to leading to problems then I would say you should leave. If you do leave however remember to keep in constant contact with your kids and try as best you can to remain a large part of thier lives. I hope you make the choice you feel is right and find what its is you need to be happy. good luck!

Answer 2

I guess I would have to ask why you married her in the first place . . . what attracted you to each other, made you want to get married, move to her home state, and have the two kids together? There must have been something! Unless either are you are in a relationship with someone else now why can't you work on your relationship with one another? What makes it seem dead end to you? Sometimes one doesn't realize what he has until it's gone. Is that a chance you want to take after ruining your boys lives and becoming just a part-time dad? Think of all the things you'll miss out on being away from them - all of the firsts you'll never get to see (and that mom will miss while you have them for visitation). All of the other life events you'll miss out on - you won't be there for the emotional support that they will need at various points in their lives (all kids need two parents who can teach them NOT to give up and how to WORK through the tough points in life). If you are going to be moving away it will be even worse. And what about when mom remarries (or when you do) and the new spouse has jealousy issues with your kids? That's always fun, too.
Life is too short to not know what's important and what's really not. Your wife and kids are important - sleeping around and partying is really not (most honest divorced men will tell you that leaving their family was the worst decision they've ever made. Given the chance for a do-over they would have stayed and worked through things. Partying and dating, after having done the family thing, gets old really fast) . . .

Answer 3

leave as soon as possible. If you know it will not work then staying is just wasting everyone's time. Also as a parent you want to show your kids that relationships should be enjoyed, not tolerated. the longer you stay the more resentment will build for everyone, including the kids. Kids pick up on everything and sense the tension in the air when their parents are unhappy. just be mature and adult about it. Talk to your (wife? G/F?) and tell her you want to move back home. chances are she'll see your point of view and agree. if you two are talking and being civil you can raise the kids together with out regrets. especially if you both don't regret your time together, but see that all though it wasn't permanent it produced the kids you both love so much. and if you are both respectful of each other as people and thankful to each other as parents then the kids should adjust fine and you and her will have a working relationship while raising your kids and can be happy for each other as you both move on in your personal lives.

Answer 4

First, no matter how old or young you are, you have kids and that's makes it a whole different story than if you did not. The two adults need to do everything they can to make it work, like seek counseling and really do what you need to do to make it work. If you just can't get it together as a couple, which you should have found out by having a longer courtship before having children, then, no, you can't stay together. But, you have to remain close so your sons have their father. Your kids just have to come first, that's the bottom line. You may have to suck it up and live in a state you don't like until your boys are grown, they deserve your best and you are obligated to give it to them. There should be no question in your mind about not leaving your sons. I hope you will do what's right by them.

Answer 5

Of course I don't encourage staying in a marriage that isn't working, especially when you have tried everything, including marriage counseling (hint) and it still is going no where...I get the whole life is too short idea...BUT

here's my problem with your question - "should I stay in this state which I can't stand"...but you also say you love your boys "more with each passing day"...

what are you going to do to them, mentally, if you leave the state and all of a sudden make seeing you extremely hard? Instead of being able to see you every day - they will have to go weeks or months, without you. Because if you are the one to leave the state, your custody will be holidays and a few weeks in summer...are you ready to do that to these boys you love so much?

Sure get out of your marriage, but if you love your boys as much as you claim, you should stay stuck in the state you can't stand until they are 18...so they have a father to guide them as full time as possible....

if you still choose to be selfish and leave the state - make sure in your divorce decree you make counseling mandatory for your children - they will need it.

Answer 6

Have you by any chance thought about going to couple counseling? If you have already went and your still not happy with the relationship you should not at all stay in the relationship with this person especially if you have children together. By staying in a relationship that your not happy about you are showing your kids that it's OK to be miserable. The moving out of state is another issue. I wouldn't suggest moving out of state away from your children or even taking your children away from their mother. You children need both parents, they don't have to live together or be together but they should atleast be close enough where the children can easily get to them without much hassle.

Answer 7

You have to do what is best by the kids, and if you speak to children who have been in the situation where their parents don't love each other and thing are strained, they will tell you that they would rather their parents separated.
Children know when something is wrong - even if you don't tell them - and this causes unnecessary stress and guilt on the child/ren as they will often blame themselves for the problems. Even though they are young - im guessing less than 2, in the coming years they will work things out if you stay together & things don't improve.
If you and your partner can work things out so that when you split you can have shared custody of the children things would be better for all. You can explain to the children when they get older than it wasn't their fault.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 8

Staying together just for the kids is I think not that great for the kids for children are smarter than given credit for and know instinctively that all is not as it should be between MOm and Dad. Children learn from parents how to be not just as children and behaviour but also of life and how to be when they are adults.If there is no love then more than likely not much joy and laughter either and if there is bitternes,arguing then it robs the children of knowing joy,laughter. Better off with parents that are happy but live apart for being around happiness teaches more than the pretense of togetherness.Being in loveles relationship/marriage evenually dulls your spirit and weighs down your soul-not a legacy I'd want to give my children.Children adapt much better to separate happy parents for it isn't just time but quality time that is of importance.You'll do your children a favor by not showing them that loveless is how adults are since you two are their examples of adulthood.Be happy!

Answer 9

Right it is too short, However you have to decide what's best for you, because if you aren't alright with yourself then how are going to a good father figure for your boys? Kids are very smart and we as adults don't realize that, they can understand if mommy and daddy aren't happy, and if you guys are fighting yelling and screaming I don't know, but if you are thats not a good enviroment for your kids, So stop being selfish and figure out what would best for your kids, they'll be happy if you are happy. And just keep on telling them that It's not their fault, and you and your wife whatever still and will always love and support them whatever they do, even if you move or not.

Answer 10

Well if you want to keep a relationship w/ your 2 young sons I would stay in the state. But I'm not sure b/c my fiance has 2 daughters from his exwife and he's talking about moving 800 miles away. so just what you think you should do but I wouldn't stay in the relationship b/c it's obvusily over so hope this helps you out some