After we had our 3rd child my wife asked me to have a vasectomy, which I did. She's now pregnant with our fourth. She says somehow my vasectomy didn't work. Everyone else I know says she's been running around. I feel like a Jerry Springer guest.
She refuses to have a paternity test. I have to say in her defense that she hardly has time with 3 young kids to cheat. Threatening to leave in not realistic- I want to be with my kids so I ain't going anywhere?
I'd like some advice- what shoudl I do? No wise guy answers please.
2007-06-30 15:54:05 · 17 answers · asked by stains 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Depends how long ago you had the vasectomy... If its anywhere within the last 5 years or so... they are VERY good and virtually never "reverse"... but if its older than say 10 years its very possible that your vas deferens have somewhat healed back together... I got pregnant with my last daughter and my hubby had a vasectomy 10 years ago... He questioned paternity as well (duh!!)... I wasn't upset about that though...the fact that your wife refuses a paternity test really doesn't help your doubts...
Go for a test... to find out if you've got any swimmers in there :P then go from there... if you get a 0 count then there's your answer... My husband had a count of like 3 living sperm to whatever they compare it to... Chances of a viable pregnancy- VERY SLIM...but since our daughter is now 2...not impossible... LoL~ it only takes 1
If it is a faulty vasectomy... get it redone (or reversed) If you just leave it... you and your wife may end up suffering... My hubby didn't get his re done and I've gotten pregnant twice since our daughter and miscarried both times... viable pregnancy is VERY slim when there's only like 2 or 3 soldiers
Best of luck!!! And to the people who made cracks about calling maury...going on Jerry springer etc... Honestly people.. This is real Life!!!!
Please don't go on a talk show... your child will appreciate that you didn't later on in life...
2007-07-01 05:01:03 · answer #1 · answered by busymum 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, so I've been in your wife's shoes. And my husband's been in yours. I'll spare the details because they are personal and took a lot of marriage counseling to get through. My advice? If she doesn't want to leave you either then why even question it? You'll raise and love that child no matter what, right? Ask yourself - Are people saying she ran around because she got pregnant or did they witness something that you don't know about? And if that is really what happened you have to be willing to face it, forgive her, and move on with your life for the sake of your family. Support her now. Trust me- that's what she needs right now. If everyone's doubting her and she did nothing wrong she'll love you that much more for always being there. And if she did do something wrong, the person who stays by her side she will love that much more for being there when she was weak. Remember your vows- For better or WORSE. And if you can't deal with what people are saying here are alternatives to the paternity test: 1) Go to a fertility clinic (or back to your doctor) and have your sperm tested to see if it is possible OR 2) Tell your friends that you went to the doctor and it is possible. Stay strong and love her no matter what...
2007-06-30 16:13:18 · answer #2 · answered by dizprincess387 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you might think that she has cheated maybe she has. But honestly a vesectomy can go wrong. My husband had one 3 yrs ago, and we have a son that is a year old. He wanted a paternity test I had nothing to cover up and did. He came back 99.999999% his. But if she did cheat do you really care if the baby is not yours? If you are going to be there anyway and if you find out and she did dont you think that might bring up more drama b/c the other father might find out and then he will be in the baby's life. So if you want to be the daddy dont even sweat it until you catch her with some pics. You seem to know that you want her and the kids so just let it slide. But maybe if you are worried you can go and have yourself checked to see if you are still fertial. Hope this helps and good luck :o)
2007-07-02 16:16:59 · answer #3 · answered by blonde n love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the doctor and see if you are still fertile. Don't tell her you are doing this because if she is not cheating, you may put a rift between the two of you.
I know it must seem suspicious that she won't get a paternity test, but I wouldn't either. I would be extremely offended about being asked and would refuse.
I hope this is just a fluke and everything works out. Kudos on staying no matter what.
2007-06-30 16:03:26 · answer #4 · answered by The Naughty Librarian 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have no intentions on leaving, then don't bother with a paternity test. It may not be your biological child, but you will be raising the baby with your other children and that baby needs to be loved as much as your other children. You will be the father. Please do not treat this child any differently than your other 3 children. It's not the baby's fault that it was created and needs to be in a home with both a loving mother and father. You will be the bigger person by taking this baby as your own. I can tell you're a good father. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-06-30 16:27:46 · answer #5 · answered by t 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in her defense it is possible to get pregnant after a vasectomy. It is a slim chance but still possible. You don't want to accuse her of sneaking around because that will just make things so much worse. During the pregnancy they do all sorts of testing. U can ask the dr conception date rough idea? then you can try to remember if you were actually with her at that time.
Good luck!
2007-06-30 16:00:48 · answer #6 · answered by MelissaBR1982 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you went back to the doctor to see in your vasectomy took? they can tell you if so then unless it is a mirical from God she has been cheating then and only then should you think about your future with this woman. If you can prove adultry by her having someone elses child you wouldnot lose your kids also. I'd check to see if the rest are really yours. I know it sucks but man this is life and no one said it would be fair or easy. You need to protect your kids and your self.
2007-06-30 16:00:31 · answer #7 · answered by lyttledarlin 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, what a parent, I have heard that there is still a chance of getting preg. with a vasectomy. Try to talk to her and be honest with her and let her know you are going to be there no matter what and that no matter what has happend in the past you are a family and your willing to keep it that way. Atleast she was honest and told you she was pregnant and didn't try to hide the fact. I am sure it will all work out. Good luck
2007-06-30 16:00:26 · answer #8 · answered by Angel Kisses 2504 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A vasectomy can be unsuccessful. Women who have had their tubes tied get pregnant. Don't worry about what other people think or say. It's your life & family.
2007-06-30 19:34:02 · answer #9 · answered by foreverhoyt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is involved in a vasectomy? the doctor would be able to advise you of possible error. so ask. if it is fool proof then you really need to sit her down and take stock.
you are two adults who are supposed to be as one. all of the intangibles need to be in order; you know, love, trust, respect and the rest of it.
there has to be correct answers and they need to be ferreted
out in a way that your lives don't implode erroneously. she might very well be telling the truth.
do be careful but assert yourself necessarily. good luck
2007-06-30 16:09:56 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋