I'm confused with my sexuality?

Question

I'm 21, and I have always been the guy in school who dated all the girls. After awhile, I guess I kinda just got tired of them and started becoming attracted to men. I don't know if I'm really bisexual..or maybe I just wanna experiment. I dunno...as of right now, I am more attracted to women than I am to men. Most gay people say they've always known they were gay, but I've never felt that. I've always been attracted to girls. I did find some guys handsome, but I never thought of being sexual with them. My gay friend says I'm actually gay and once I sleep with a guy, my attraction towards women will disappear and I'll realize I was truly gay. I'm just really confused, everyones telling me different things

Answer 1

Don't listen to your friend, just listen to your own voice, thoughts and instincts. I hope you decide if you are going to be gay, bi or straight soon. ;-)

Answer 2

I am not telling you anything. You sound like a late case of wanting to experiment...most kids go through this at 13-14. No big deal. If you are not attracted to men (not necessarily physical, but attracted in general), I doubt that you are gay. You will have no problem playing around, but I suspect that once you experiment, you will be right back in the Straight camp, no problems here. Many straight guys want to experiment ...some to find out how they make women feel, some to just try it out, etc...all kinds of reasons. The ones who have experimented with me, after all was said and done, never impressed me as gay, never impressed me as anything but experimenting. And to my knowledge, the phase passed. No big deal. Just keep quiet about it, don't decide suddenly that you are bisexual, (I doubt it), just let time takes its course. good luck and peace.

Answer 3

Have you ever heard of Alfred Kinsey? He did a lot of groundbreaking research on sex and sexuality and even though there were a lot of legitimate problems with some of his methodologies, etc, he helped start a real discussion of sexuality in America that was sorely needed, and helped a lot of people realize that there were many others out there like them (whatever "like them" meant in their specific case). He also came up with the now famous "Kinsey Scale," which looked like this:

1 (straight) -- 2 -- 3 (bisexual) -- 4 -- 5 -- 6 (gay)

It theorized, and in my mind, correctly, that, while some people were 100% gay or 100% straight and there were the occasional true 50/50 bisexuals, most people fell somewhere in-between. Because this is not acknowledged or talked about or accepted in society as at least a possibility, it leads to a lot of confusion on a lot of people's parts.

Depending on where you (or anyone) falls, you may find yourself "just looking," which may be enough for you, or even fantasizing about things you don't have a desire to actually do in real life (which a lot of women report), or you may "experiment" and that may further clarify things for you. Some people find both sexes sexually attractive, but find they really only have the kind of emotional connection that leads to falling in love with one or the other...the possibilities are all over the place. The key is to accept that whatever you are...wherever you fall on the scale, you are where you are supposed to be and can be happy being yourself--and know you don't have to "do" anything with anyone you don't want to, especially not just to find out whether you're gay or not...if it happens, it will happen and you'll know. No need to cheapen yourself and your sexuality to the level of a science experiment!

Listen to others opinions but know it is filtered through their own experiences, beliefs, etc. Take into account their thoughts, but remember that everyone's sexuality is their own...everyone's process to finding what they want is their own, and everyone falls somewhere between 1 and 6 (heck, between 1 and 100) in their own place...and no one can tell them where they are.

And, finally...YOU'RE 21! In 10 years you will look back and realize that your sexuality wasn't the only thing you didn't fully know about yourself and who you ultimately are...and that's perfectly normal, right, and age-appropriate. As far as this issue, you're already ahead of the pack because, while you're confused, you're not filled with guilt or self-hate...keep going ahead at your own pace and you'll find the answers in your own time.

Answer 4

the things you're feeling right now is why so many hyper-masculine men are extremely homophobic... they had that one point in their life where they saw a man, knew he was attractive, and freaked out about it... "could I be gay" passes through the minds of nearly EVERY single man (gay or straight). Noticing that someone is attractive is FAR different than being attracted TO them. If you don't see men in a sexual way (as you do women), then you're most likely not gay... but if, and this is something only you can honestly tell to yourself, you find men attractive sexually... you may be bisexual or even fully gay. alot of gay men go through stages in their sexuality. but whenever you do know who you're attracted to, be honest with yourself... if you are attracted to men, you don't have to have sex with women (or taking it a step further: marriage) to "hide"... that just results in everyone getting hurt

Answer 5

You stated that "After awhile, I guess I kinda just got tired of them and started becoming attracted to men"

Sounds to me like you got tired of dating women because you know that you are gay and are wasting the best years of your life. I've been gay all my life and NEVER get tired of men.

Answer 6

Well only you know the truth, eventually after some time you will figure it out. You might not be gay, you might just be bisexual, or you could be gay...but it's normal for people to be confused at first, you don't have to label yourself just yet, wait until you figure it out on your own.

Answer 7

If a guy smiles a lot at you then smile back. Just visit San Diego in the middle next month.

Answer 8

you sound straight to me.

Answer 9

i think ur bisexually curious. lol just experiment around and see what suits u. best of luck

Answer 10

Being gay is biologically unsound. Go get professional help.