Here are the facts or statements made and after hearing them you decide. My girlfriend and I have a child together. She has been divorced for 4 years and has 2 kids from this previous marraige. Here are the things that are done or said.
1. I just realized (after our child is born) that I am not over the pain I felt from him leaving me and taking my family away with out warning, but i am over him.
2. I never loved him or felt anything close to the feelings I have with you.
3. I cant marry you right now until I fix some things in my life and get them right with God.
4. I dont know why I cant stop this resentment toward his new wife.
Facts.
She moved in with me when I got a job change but moved out less than 2 months later "because she chouldnt be so far frm her kids" Funny that is what was forced on me when she moved. Know, I know how I feel, its just that she insists that she wants to be with me forever and her dream is to be married to me someday, just not now. U decide
2007-06-30 14:37:00 · 16 answers · asked by drbrian247 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She's not over her ex. Doesnt mean she still loves him. Its just then he hurt her so bad she needs to be alone to figure things out. She needs your comfort but needs to figure out herself before starting a new relationship.
2007-06-30 14:42:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex picked me up from work ( b4 we were broken up) nd said I just cant do this anymore and that he was moving out. A year latter he called the kids ( not me ) to tell them he was getting remarried we have 2 kids togeather I have eight total that he helped raise since I was windowed while they were still young. All of a sudden my family , my future, my life had been pulled a part and I was left struggling to find some ground to stand on. When he called to tell me about him remarring I realized that is wasn't family, or even being married that he opposed it was me! I was supportive and hard working but I realized that we did'nt love each other that it was out of convience. So I was angry, I was angry that I had wasted many years of my life, that I had been rejected and replaced, and that my fantasy had been shredded. And realy it had nothing to do with HIM, it was the idea I had built up around him.... NO She has'nt healed but that dose not mean she want to go running back to him, It takes time andstages to heal and sometimes you don't know what stage your at untill something triggers it. If you love her plan ahead with her, help to understand that you will be there, ( Many women learn the hard way that fathers don't stay for there children) So she is proberly angry and scard trying to find soem ground to stand on....
2007-06-30 14:50:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Um, if she never loved him then why did she marry him? Sounds to me she did love him and still does. I do believe you can still love something and be heartbroken over them but you can move on and get on with your life regardless. She may be able to do this on her or she may need to seek help of a therapist to help her out. How long after they got divorce did ya'll started seeing each other? If it was a short period of time, then she did not give herself time to cope with the divorce. Just be supportive to her and maybe suggest her go see a therapist to help her to move on? But don't wait forever for her to change. If she doesn't show any improvement or effort soon then maybe the best thing to do is to break up with her. Hate to say it, but if she doesn't push herself to get better than something else has to.
2007-06-30 15:01:35 · answer #3 · answered by Avi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she is hurting and needs some time for the pain to go away...you can tell she loves you very much...she is hurt and everyone can understand when someone leaves you for no reason just because they found someone new...it hurts and you blame yourself for the things that happen...sometimes when your alone you think well if I would have cook dinner better or made the stuff he wants..he would have stayed and that is something she has to figure out...she knows you love her and wants to be with you...but all she needs is a little time for herself.
2007-06-30 15:18:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who has your child? If I am understanding correctly, her ex has the children from that union. Does her resentment stem from the new wife getting to raise her children? Did her actions and decisions at the time cause her to lose custody and maybe she needs to find a way to change the consequences? Maybe she loves you but is unsure of how she needs to move forward right now.
You need to be clear with yourself about what you need and what you want- then make it clear to her. Being supportive and patient of her needs and confusion is wonderful, and she needs to know that she needs to consider your feelings and needs also.
2007-06-30 15:14:15 · answer #5 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't know what love is .... She never loved her husband but she has pain of defeat ...whats that!!! She loves you but she don;t want to marry you b/c shes done something wrong to feel she needs to get her life right w God... Why would you have resentment on someone who is w/ your past!!! { his new wife} She knew she was leaving her kids to go w/ you ... hahh shes using her kids as a reason to leave you ... If she loves you she will make a choice to be w/ you w/ her kids... This girl is waiting for her ex ... bad juju ..bad baggage..... MOVE ON BUDDY>>>.
2007-06-30 14:57:46 · answer #6 · answered by quen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is not over her ex, and it would make for a very bad marriage for u. funny thing to just realize your not over your ex, don't think she ever was. if she loved u she would never have moved away from u, its all a cop out, she just isn't interested in marrying u, and does still love her ex. she used u for moral support, for someone to be there, but wasn't in love, not like u loved her. i am so sorry for you, u gave her your all, and got the shaft.
2007-06-30 14:51:30 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with SG Gal 100%. Besides, she made a big decision before, and it hasn't worked out for her. She has to get herself together before she can think about such a big change again.
She needs time. Not to rethink the decision, but to become comfortable with it.
2007-06-30 15:14:26 · answer #8 · answered by Chuck S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs time to heal the pain caused. While she may be over him, she is not over the pain and the abandonment. She has to fix herrself before she can allow another in her heart.
2007-06-30 14:49:11 · answer #9 · answered by SG GAL 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think she still loves him, I think she truly has not gotten over the pain and needs to get herself together before she can committ fully to ANY relationship.
2007-06-30 14:57:13 · answer #10 · answered by A M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋