He makes the same salary that I do.( not alot) and has purchased a very expensive house in the new city. He has now decided to take me to court to get residential custody of our son. I believe it is all financially motivated. He has been trying to sell my son on the idea of living in the new city. He told my son that all he has to do is tell the judge he wants to live in the new city with his dad. I don,t want to make my son feel pressured by trying to convince him otherwise. I also don't want him to be persuaded into something that is not in his best interests. This new city is bigger than where we live and has lots of fun things to do so my ex is charming him with all the fun in the new city. What can I do? ( my son is 11)
2007-06-30 10:38:48 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't believe my son is old enough to make this decision. He would be in a new school trying to fit in and in a big city. My ex has a job that takes him out of town frequently and has no family to help out with our son. He would be home alone after school. I on the other hand have the same hours and school schedule as my son and never out ot town, Plus I have family to help me.
2007-06-30 11:03:33 · update #1
I would get a good lawyer and fight to keep my son. If your husband is going to be out of town alot, that means the boy will be under someone else's care and maybe no ones care at all. I think that alone should help you win in court. When he is 15 or 16, he might be able to take care of himself but even then it's a stupid thing to leave a "child" alone while the parent is out of town. That is opening the door to all kinds of problems.
Be sure and document any conversations you have with your ex about any of these issues but above all, keep a cool head. Don't argue at all and think before you speak so things won't come back to harm you.
If you aren't taking your son to church, you might want to start that so you can work together there and help others and bond a bit more. Don't give him everything he wants to keep him or you won't be much better than your ex.
It is so sad when a parent or parents put the kid in the middle like this. Kids should never have to choose who they love the most and it is so wrong to put temptation in their way the way your ex is doing.
Might get your son to counseling to help his young mind deal with all this. That would also work in your favor in court so do that right away but mainly to help your son understand things in a new light through a third party or he will carry many scars. I know ~ been there, done that with my mom and dad.
Good luck to you and God bless
2007-06-30 11:17:18 · answer #1 · answered by KittyKat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm from Los Angeles, and although I'm not exactly sure of the age, but I do know that 11 years old isn't old enough for a child to decide who he wants to live with. I was going through a similar situation as you with my 9 year old son and my soon to be ex husband. Don't worry too much about it, however I would seek some legal advice to see what your up against. It's wrong for your sons father to try to "dazzle" him with the new city. I think you should have a talk with your son and see how HE feels, and get his take on all this. I sat my 9 year old down and he always feels torn between the two of us, so torn that I find him telling each of us what we want to hear and not what HIS actual feelings are. So talk to your son, and don't worry, like I said I don't think your son is old enough both legally and in a judges eyes to make that choice. But I do recommend some legal advice.
Good luck to you : )
2007-06-30 10:44:57 · answer #2 · answered by glittereyedg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your additional details tells it all. Explain the situation to your lawyer. Your son is established in his school, has friends, and family to help. An 11 year old should not be staying home alone or with a baby sitter if family is available and willing to help.Talk with your son and let him know that your decisions are based on what is best for him.
Perhaps he can visit his father during the summer months or spend an occasional long weekend with him. Don't put the child in the middle of this incident.
2007-07-07 19:17:36 · answer #3 · answered by Laurie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard situation. I think that you need to have a heart to heart with your son. He is old enough to know what he wants.Don't try to persuade him, just listen to him. Let him make the choice. Also, keep it open for him to come back if he changes his mind. Then, talk to the ex, even if it has to be a letter (save a copy for your records) telling him what you are willing to do. You have be careful not to get in between your ex and your son. Your son will resent you for it.
Now, if your ex is abusive or on drugs and you can prove that, then go to court and fight it. Otherwise, give your son a chance to possibly bond with his father. If it is only financially motivating for your ex, and he is not there for your son, then your son will want to come back and live with you.
2007-06-30 10:48:36 · answer #4 · answered by Samantha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting the son to answer the judge is not a convincing arguement. What is convincing is having your ex convince the judge he is the better custodian. Get your ex's travel schedules and salary and ask how he intends to support your son when he is away. Plus, find out what school he would go to. Look at the test results. Also, are there any predators near-by? Usually husbands forget to check that out. Surprise him in court if there are any. Good luck.
2007-07-07 18:32:04 · answer #5 · answered by Guy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think all this you have told me could be brought to the attention of the court and let the decide. its not right to try and tell the child this and that but i do think he wouldn't hurt in big city but he could be hurt for the fact you two aren't on good terms and fighting with each other its a fact of what i can see. its the child that is wanting to go and therefore he should have to have both facts for himself and yu are not giving it to him i have no idea how old he is either. i mean if hes left alone that is not bad and i think the judge woudl see that so try.
2007-07-07 19:23:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all your son CAN NOT speak for himself until he is 16 so that should bounce back in your ex's face and DO NOT GIVE UP! Your son is to young to realize who is better for him and material things are perceives to him. But if you want him and you have love fight and you will win. If not by any reason show him love and be there for him and when he gets older he will love you for it and come back to you. Material things make no difference is is love discipline and stability a child needs. Remember that! Good Luck and God Bless!
2007-07-06 17:28:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a long talk with your attorney. I agree, 11 is too young to make a life decision as big as this one. I would also encourage you to talk to your ex, if possible. Go back to all of the reasons residential custody was originally granted to you and remind your ex of those reasons. Consistency is paramount with children. Ask your ex to back-off. Your son may feel confidence in your love for him but not with your ex and may not feel comfortable to tell your ex that he would like to keep his life as it is. Reassure him that the love he feels from both parents is completely unconditional. Tell him you love him and you want him to be happy.
2007-06-30 12:02:29 · answer #8 · answered by working mother 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a pretty cut-and-dried case. From the facts it seems obvious that you have the better set-up for taking care of your son. But if you want to cement the deal, buy your son a puppy. He will never leave you voluntarily if he has to leave his puppy behind.
2007-07-08 07:54:48 · answer #9 · answered by TX Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, this is a very bad situation
you and he get (not alot)
first, don't sell that son, he is only 11 and probly wouldn't bring much at the auction anyway
hmmmmmm, maybe visit that city for awhile
I think it always makes very good sense to check a place out, for a few weeks , before considering moving there
2007-06-30 10:44:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋