Is it ok to have sex with with other people while you are in a serius relationship?

Question

I have a boyfriend (for about 7months) and we love each other very much but he thinks it's ok for us to have sex with other people. He thinks feelings and emotions are intimate while sex isn't so it's just something physical (while we still "keep" our emotions for each other). So, my question is can "casual" sex with others jeopardize our relationship or is it harmless? I personally prefer monogamy and I don't know should I be woried.

Answer 1

If you prefer monogamy and he doesn't, I think you need to find another partner. He obviously doesn't have the same feelings that you do about love and intimacy. I've been with my fiance for over 4 years and even though we live in two different countries, we are totally committed to each other and neither of us has ever cheated.

Answer 2

I'm not going to preach or anything, but personally I don't think it's okay at all because sex is a very special expression of love, at least I personally feel that way, but that's me, I'm old school. I was in a serious relationship with someone, while we were involved, she was involved with three other partners, maybe four. It hurts to do someone like that.

Another reason it's a bad idea is that if the sex is unprotected, then whatever your partner got from someone else he may spread to you, and if you catch an STD, then "Fre@k" and the rest of the haters will never let you hear the end of it!

I'm with you, I prefer monogamy too. Sex is a lot better when it's not casual.

Answer 3

It is up to you two to define the boundaries and "rules" of the relationship. Some people are okay if their partners get some action on the side, and some people are not okay with it at all.

You prefer monogamy, likely for emotional reasons, but it's also a good way to keep yourself safe from STDs your partner may bring home.

You and your boyfriend need to talk about this more. But if he's already bringing up having sex with other people, he seems likely to cheat and not tell you about it if you're not okay with him having a little "sumthin' sumthin'" on the side.

If you want a monogamous relationship, your best bet is to find someone else who wants the same thing.

Answer 4

Personally I think it's wrong. Sex with somebody should be an act of expressing your feelings for them, to me it isn't just something physical. And even if it was...is it really right for the person you love to share such a physical and intimate moment with somebody else? Because it is intimate...whether or not he says it is, it is physically intimate.

And to me it sounds like you don't like the idea. Meaning that this WILL jeopardise your relationship whether it's right or wrong for the pure and simple fact that you are not liking the idea...and if you're not both agreed then how can it ever work.

Answer 5

One question. IF THE SEX DOESN'T MEAN SO MUCH THEN WHY IS HE SO INTERESTED IN HAVING IT? At the risk of jepordizing your relationship. It doesn't make sense.

This is the myth of casual sex. Sex without consequenses. It's a beautiful dream but it's just not true, not for human beings anyway. People who have sex with each other will start to develop feelings for each other, REGARDLESS OF CIRCUMSTANCES. This is true for men as well as women. Men may be less aware of these feelings but they are still there.
Your boyfriend is running away from increasing intimacy with you. He may not leave you. But the intimacy you are developing is threatening/scary to him, and this is why he's suggesting this.

Answer 6

I think I will have to go slightly askew of the common response. My partner and I have been together for almost 5 years now, and I have never told him he couldn't sleep with another person. We just have rules about it. The rules are that he won't sleep with someone unless he tells me about it, I am allowed to be there/participate if I wish, and that I can veto anyone based on any criteria. I told him this because frankly, I'm not nearly as sexual as he is, but beause of the freedom of this he has only taken this option once (and yes I was involved in it). There really was no emotion involed with the 3rd person, it was a friend of his that wanted to find out if he really was gay (which I took to mean he just wanted to get laid).
To put it shortly, if you are uncomfortable with it then inform him and ya'll talk it out, but if you are comfortable enough with ya'll emotions for each other then I say that you both should enjoy that freedom. It is all about personal taste.

Answer 7

Hmm. I'm single. However, if I were in a relationship and thought, assumed, were under the impression that my boyfriend loved me very much, even if he flat out told me that he loved me, while still "thinking" that it's okay to have sex with other people, I'd think again, know that I made an a** out of him and myself and change my tune.
You're boyfriend obviously isn't ready to be in a committed relationship. He might never be.

Answer 8

I don't think it is right personally. I feel you shouldn't be having sex unless there is feelings involved. If your partner and you agree upon it, good for you, however i don't see it lasting.
If he just wants the open-relationship "he's not that into you!"
I don't think a person can just set aside feeling and emotions when you are intimate with someone.
Personal opinion.
I have been with my partner for 6 years and we don't have a open relationship.
Good luck, have a good day.

Answer 9

"Casual" sex with others is what usually ruins most heterosexual marriages. You are right to be concerned and I advise you to tell your boyfriend either he stops cheating or you are OUT OF THERE. Unfortunately you are more than likely the only one that is thinking that your relationship is serious, your boyfriend is nothing but a player and if he was serious he would let only you have him and no other man. Sorry, but that is what is going on.

Answer 10

It is only ok when both partners are ok with it. My hubby and i are swingers and enjoy casual sex with others , but we do it together in the same room, we dont go out alone hunting down ppl to sleep with. I have been married 11 years and we just recently started swinging, your relationship has not evolved enuff yet.