My fiance tells me a lot of stories about his marriage and divorce. I know there are two sides to every story and want to hear the ex wife's version. Is that wrong?
2007-06-30 09:59:00 · 17 answers · asked by patriciaannbee 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know his ex and have never met her. She lives in another state.
2007-06-30 10:05:56 · update #1
I saw cruelty listed as the reason for divorce and he told me that she lied to her lawyer. I don't understand how cruelty can be a reason just because she said so.
2007-06-30 10:08:07 · update #2
no cause what if you are about to marry a total bastard and that could save you from it i would talk to the ex wife
2007-06-30 10:03:05 · answer #1 · answered by valerie d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to marry him then you have the right to know. You can always find our who filed the divorce. The reason stated for divorce should be on the paperwork. If you want to here the other side and don't think that it would be too uncomfortable to sit and talk with the ex-wife then go for it. However, your soon to be may not be happy if he finds out.
You said that the papers sighted cruelty as the reason for divorce. Yes anyone can put anything they want down as a reason for divorce most cases like adultery I think have to be proved but cruelty can be interpreted and spun in many different ways. It all depends on the lawyer.
2007-06-30 17:13:04 · answer #2 · answered by M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wanting to know the whole story is natural, especially if the word "cruelty" is in the equation. Often, when two people cannot communicate and commit emotionally, they put up barriers to protect themselves, such as saying really bad things. But now he has the opportunity to really connect with you if you both commit to each other. It will take a lot for him to do this, because he is scared. I know you are scared as well, but you can help him by keeping his trust. This means not talking to his ex or any of her friends. If you do contact her or keep asking him about her, you risk ruining a wonderful relationship that could have been. Give him time and the truth will come out. The closer you are to him, the safer he will feel with you.
2007-06-30 17:16:29 · answer #3 · answered by ei coach 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to hear the ex's version, it's because you don't trust your fiance's. You're probably right--intuition is seldom wrong about this.
Now that you know he's a liar, whether deliberately or not, you want to find out the truth so you'll know whether you can put up with the other shortcomings that he has that he doesn't see or doesn't want you to know about. Just remember that the ex won't be telling the exact truth either, assuming she's willing to talk to you.
2007-06-30 17:08:00 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are very smart to consider talking to the ex - especially with 'cruelity' in question.
I think all prespective brides should talk to the former wife - it would save a lot of heartache. The few women I know of that did that became fast friends and helped each other out, as needed. Your fiance may not intentionally be bending the truth - we all have our own perspectives. It is very prudent to get both sides of the story.
Good for you - I hope you follow through with this plan! You are one smart cookie!
2007-06-30 17:27:03 · answer #5 · answered by moonmother2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Patricia, there very easily can be a fabrication on the ex's part. Both of them, hers and his. My ex spewed so many lies that I couldn't believe it. However, she was fighting for custody of the children (and lost) at the time. If you verify that he is telling the truth (or lying) your relationship is over. I mean a relationship is based on trust. Sure this trust is taxed from time to time, but, never do we go out of our way to purposely prove them dishonorable. You should end this relationship now. I mean he's ready, but, you are definitely not! He finds out, you're toast!
2007-06-30 17:19:52 · answer #6 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't worry about their relationship, just worry about yours.
Is your husband giving you signals to believe cruelty as a factor for divorce? Maybe her lawyer told her to use that as a way to get alimony or more personal property.
It's not like lawyers aren't snakes themselves.
2007-06-30 17:26:04 · answer #7 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cruelty could be allot of different things, but it does not state domestic abuse so I wouldn't worry to much about it. I don't know how long you have been with this man but I wouldn't rush into marriage until you have no questions of his character.
2007-06-30 18:07:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should live together before getting married.
he sounds like he has a doubt on marriage, and it can leaf to problem. give him mroe time, but make sure you put and care your own feelings too.
you never can get the real story of their pasrt relationship. you cannot trust her word. somehow, you should think positive that his wife is another state, so you don't have to deal with her. it can sounds much easier and better. is it?
just plan and talk with him ebfore signing the paper. otherwise, i can lead to problems.
good luck.
2007-06-30 17:16:19 · answer #9 · answered by Tracy But 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are waisting your time talking to her.No matter what she tells you there is no way of finding out weather she is telling the Truth,or not.I really don't think you believe what your fiance is telling you about his previous marriage.
I advise you to wait longer until you are sure you know this man well enough to trust him.
2007-06-30 17:44:16 · answer #10 · answered by Julius C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not want to know nothing about this marriage or the divorce, nothing good will come out of this, somethings one needs to leave alone!!!!
2007-06-30 17:06:24 · answer #11 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋