Is anyone funny out there?

Question

I need a laugh. Jokes, funny videos, etc. Anything! I'm just so depressed. (Funniest will be best answer)

Answer 1

i once got dumped by my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years for a girl that was 6 years older than him, had a 5 year old kid, and a prosthetic left leg. unfortunately, i couldn't make this up.

Answer 2

This is a funny news paper story.


This account was recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida.
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why...For the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces father down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white,less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.

MORAL OF THE STORY? If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it memorable.

Answer 3

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a
sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For
Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the
dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Yep," the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he
says "So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says,
"Well, I discovered that I could talk
when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told
the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country,
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one
figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most
valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't
getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a
job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near
suspicious characters and listening in."
"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of
medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just
retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him
so cheap?"
"He's a liar. He never did any of that s.h.i.t .

Answer 4

sure heres one
this guy with a patch over one eye walks to work every morning and passes a pet store. in the window is a parrot on his perch. one day while walking by the parrot says errrrr there goes the one eyed jerk off. the hair raised on the back of the neck of the guy. the next day he walks by the same pet store and the bird does the same thing. this goes on for about a week then the guy was really pissed off and walks by the pet store the bird says it again and he goes in the store and beats the crap out of the bird. the next day as hes walking by he notices the bird with a bandaged beak and smiles, as he walks by the bird covers his eye with his feathers and makes the jack off motion with his other wing...
hope it helped

Answer 5

Some say a talking penguin couldn't run a Starbucks well, but I disagree.

Answer 6

I have horrible gas today. I may have to disable the smoke alarm again. Thank you Taco Bell.

Answer 7

well most of the time yes got to u tube it is great and funny sorry right not tired

Answer 8

Yeah...we need $mitty and Rico around here to crack us up =]

Answer 9

enjoy
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