2007-06-30 05:46:15 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Kids aren't so stupid. ( I would know im 11) anyway, if you're kids are over 8 they probably know its coming, if they are under 8 tell them Mommy and Daddy are seperating because we are too different, and don't get along, but we still like each other, its not you're fault" if they're over 8 cut the B.S and tell them the truth, sooner or later they will find out ( most of the time they already know) We arent in some magical land of fairys we're just young humans, it doesnt mean we are idiots. Just make sure you and you're spouce seperate in at least a semi friendly mannor, and make sure the child knows you both will still love them.
2007-06-30 06:41:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know that there is a "good" way to tell them. And their age and maturity level certainly makes a difference.
Most importantly, you need to tell them together and let them know it is nothing they have done, but a mutual agreement between the two of you. Separations and divorces can get ugly sometimes, so be careful not to put the kids in the middle. By this, I mean that each parent should not put the other parent down in front of the kids. This is not easily done sometimes, but it is best for the kids. If one of the parents is just not a good parent, the kids figure it out on their own and respect the parents for not saying "bad" things about each other.
Children see the whole picture a lot better and more honestly than the parents do in these situations. So be honest but spare the revenge against the other parent.
Good luck to ya. Hope things work out for the best.
2007-06-30 05:55:00 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Reassure them that they will still get to see mommy/daddy which ever one is moving out all the time, and that both of you love them and that for right now mommy and daddy need to live in different houses. I am assuming these are smaller children so please whatever you do....do not pit them against the other parent, and whenever you two see each other or speak to each other in front of the children be as civil as possible, what I mean is don't fight in front of them because the kids might start to form unfair opinions about the other parent if they hear name calling and stuff like that.
2007-06-30 05:53:59 · answer #3 · answered by Lynnae_1969 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest and let the children know that this separation has nothing to do with anything that they have done or haven't done. Tell them that mommy and daddy are still friends (hopefully) and that both will love them forever and that they can feel safe when in the company of either parent. Do not play games and attempt to get info from the kids on the other one. Please make the children feel safe, loved and secure. Children are smarter then we give them credit for and can sense when things aren't well between their parents. Best of luck and if you do separate from your partner I hope that you can do so in a mature and hurtless manner.
2007-06-30 05:53:19 · answer #4 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its best to be open and honest. Tell them the edited truth. Things like "Mommy and Daddy have decided to live apart. We love you, but we aren't happy living in the same house and think it is best for everyone if we live in different places."
Be reassuring without lying. Remember to help them understand that you both love them and that they have done nothing wrong.
If they ask about divorce, tell them the truth. If you are planning on divorce, let them know that you will be friends with each other and parents to them. If you are having a trial seperation, tell them that you don't know if you will be divorcing and that you are working on your relationship.
Whats important after you talk to them is that you keep your word. Be friends, get along for the sake of the kids. Don't speak ill of each other, don't refuse to allow contact with the other parent unless there is abuse.
Expect some drama from the kids. Tantrums, acting out, sadness. Thats normal, just be there and be supportive.
2007-06-30 05:56:48 · answer #5 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was asking the same thing not to long ago.First of all, is this separation a permanent thing or just something that is being done to help figure everything out? Second, how old are your children?Either way and how ever old kids already know that something is going on and not right.I would suggest being as honest as possible.They obviously don't need to hear all the details and most definitely do not need to hear you or their dad pointing fingers blaming the other one.It takes two to make it work as well as to mess it up.
My kids are 8 and 4,we sat with them separately and together and told them that mom and dad just need to spend a little time away from each other because they don't want to fight with each other anymore. Tell them over and over during your talk that you both them and that this has nothing to do with them.They didn't do anything wrong it's just something that moms and dads sometimes need to do.And I would also suggest that you let them know what is going on before any major changes happen.i.e. before one of you move out of the home.Just be honest with them,trust me they won't like what is happening but if you are truthful and inform and include them it helps them cope easier.
2007-06-30 06:31:20 · answer #6 · answered by bjustnape 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way I see is that you both (parents) should gather your children together and tell them that mommy and daddy are haveing some trouble/problems and daddy/mommy will have to go away for some time but the children will still be able to see them both.
I wish that would help you
and I wish you the best of luck
2007-06-30 05:53:48 · answer #7 · answered by Prince 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the ages. I f they are old enough to really comprehend, then I suggest that both you and your husband agree to a united front as parents. If you do not have open communication, your kids will pick sides and as they grow up and they are more likely to feel unwanted and rebellious and blame it on their parents who "don't care". That means that you both need to sit down with them and be honest and let them know that even though you have not been getting along and feel the needs to separate, it does not mean that you don't love them and it is NOT their fault. Dr. Phil said it best when he says, "Don't burden kids with adult problems, they do not have the capacity to deal with them." Realize how hard it is for you and your husband to deal with this divorce and remember that your kids DO NOT need to hear insults, anger, or criticisms about the parents that they truly love. Always encourage the kids to see both parents, as they need a mother and a father. If another "step" parent comes into the picture, do not slide out insults to your kids. Let the step parent respect and be nice to your children, and just say that they (kids) are lucky to have many people who care about them. It IS NOT easy, but it is your jobs to put your animositty in your pockets and act like adults. It is not your kid's fault you are not together, and blaming and cursing the other partner won't fix anything. Good luck!!!!!
2007-06-30 06:05:24 · answer #8 · answered by Kay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no matter what it is going to be painful.. just so you know.. (i was the kid that was told...) but please.. be so careful not to say hurtful things about each-other to the kids.. those things mess with them for years.. i am 28 and the damage done in my parents divorce when i was 8 still lives with me... so be careful and consider them in all you guys do... they will be hurt--but you can minimize the damage if you are considerate of their feelings through the process..
when you tell them be sensitive and honest.. don't tell them things that are too much info.. they don't need to know who cheated and why and how you don't like each-other.. just say that you both feel it would be better if you lived apart for awhile .. that you are stressed and need some space that you both still love them with all your heart and that will never change but mommy and daddy just need some alone time... they don't need all the details.. and if they ask dooooonnnnt tell them. !! you will havto remind them you love them alllllooootttt!!! cuz kids do feel rejected--for some reason--when the parents don't stay together. good luck .. i hope things work out :)
2007-06-30 06:34:16 · answer #9 · answered by momof4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calmly, without anger toward the other person, and patience. Young kids can be told just the basic stuff. Right from the start make sure the kids know they had nothing to do with this decision. Unless they ask you don't have to get into much detail during the first conversation. You'll need to know yourself how the visits will be working so you know what to say when they ask about that.
2007-06-30 05:58:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋