How do I prove to my husband I haven't met anyone else?

Question

We've been together for 8 years and have a son. Everything has been fine but I started working full time at the beginning of the year and things have been strained. He thinks I've met someone else.
Since I met him I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and have not looked at anyone else. I am so not interested in anyone but he doesn't believe that! I have changed since working full time I know that, but it doesn't mean I want to go with anyone else. I had a myspace and he doesn't like things like that so I didn't really know what to say when he found out about it. It was only coz my work friends were on there. I got rid of it but he still doesn't trust me. He goes through my phone aswell. I have a go about it because of the principle even though I've got nothing to hide.
How do I prove that I haven't met or am interested in anyone other than him? Please help.

Answer 1

You say you've changed since working full time, how's that? It sounds to me like you're still very much in love with your husband, do you convey those feelings to him like you have to us? Tell him exactly what you just wrote in your question. Just as we do, men need reassurance too, especially if there have been obvious recent strain in the relationship, it's normal to wonder if there's a problem. Saying that, there's no excuse for going through your phone, you need to nip that in the bud. You need to sit down and explain very calmly that there is absolutely nothing untoward going on and tell him if he still insists on checking up on you then perhaps its his own guilty conscience that's putting these ideas into his head. I hope it works out for you.

Answer 2

Sounds like you have a jealous man on your hands. In most cases the one that is proclaiming that someone is cheating or found someone else is usually the one that has found someone else. This may not be the case. I have a man now that I love dearly and he is very jealous. I decided I would do what I needed to . come home from work and do the mom thing still. (you know what I mean) then after the kids went to bed I focused completely and utterly on him. Sounds like a Virgo. he may be feeling left out. Virgo's want all the
attention. Make sure that you don't forget him in the mist of your career. If you have to back off a couple of days and that might help to. Its been 8 years and I know you love him. I hope this helps. Good luck!!

Answer 3

Oh dear, your man just needs reassurance. Of course you'd change. Working, taking on responsibilities, meeting new people, it's exciting and bound to make you curious and go through some changes; it happens at any age, and to everybody.
Your hubby was so used to have you just to himself, and felf he knew you like the back of his hand. I guess he feels a bit that you're moving on and he is afraid that he might be left behind.
Why not show him what's going on on that internet site, and he could even get to read a bit, until he feels a bit bored.
As for the phone, I totally agree with you, it's just principal; But since he's so worked up about it, it could be an idea to just ask him to have a look at the messages when they come in at first, for a little while.
He is afraid of losing you, or not being part of whatever is going on. it's like you're having a new life to which he has no part or is not wanted. Show him that it's not the case, and he'll soon be happy to let you get on with your new friends.xx

Answer 4

This has nothing to do with any rational suspicion or insecurity, so there is NO way you can "reassure" him. The problem he has is that you have shown the ability to be independant by having your own income. DO NOT give that up because if he can't be helped, you'll need it. Same old advice, see a psychiatrist and if he won't go with you, go alone. I knew someone who had a good job and so did his wife, they were (from where I sit) on top of the world, able to jet off to the islands on the weekend if the urge struck them. But he got "jealous". It cost him his marriage and everything he had not because she took it from him, but because he turned into an alcoholic and wound up in a shelter. The bottom line is that your husband needs psychiatric help in order to keep from going down the same path. Don't let him drag you down that path along with him, no matter how much you "love" him. You have nothing to prove and no way to prove it. It's time for him to prove his love for you by getting help. If he won't, there's no love on his side.

Answer 5

It is probably his insecuritythat ismore the problem .. I'm sure the myspace didn't help that.

After 8 years he should be more secure, I wonder why he is not... but I wouldn't tolerate anyone going throgh my stuff.

If some of these ''work friends'' are men, I can at least understand his problem... and so should you.

8*years is a long time in a modern relationship... maybe things have gone flat ... that also may lead to paranoia


dR bad
realist

Answer 6

I'm sorry that this is happening to you, maybe you could spend more free time with him, go out to dinner or a weekend away together. this is a hard one cause you shouldn't have to prove your self to him....can I ask what has changed with you? you said you know you have changed....are you going out after work with people, coming home late that sort of thing? ( not that your not allowed to do those things every now and again) but there has to be something that has made him think there is someone else...I'm not blaming you even though I know it sounds that way, I'm really not but maybe you need to look at the ways you have changed, that's got to be the reason why he is suspicious of you.....Good Luck to you I hope you find a way to ease your hubby's mind

Answer 7

How can I prove it won't rain today? How can I prove the counter isn't going to turn blue tomorrow? You shouldn't have to prove what you are not doing. Sorry, hun, but he's a control freak. You shouldn't have to account for every minute, he should trust you with myspace and phone. It's not right and you don't have to live like that. Just tell him how you feel and what you've said here... tell him he HAS to trust you - that's what marriage is all about. Get counseling if you have to... but you shouldn't live like that.

Answer 8

IT IS CALLED TRUST..... i would pull out a dictionary, have him look it up right then and there, and ask him if he can trust you. SPELL IT OUT FOR HIM. make him relaize this isnt a topic which you want to have hanging over your marriage any longer. you both deserve the peace and tranqulity of a loving marriage - but when he doesnt trust you, the peace is long gone. make him realize how very important this is to you - make him understand that many a marriage has broken up over one stupid-untrue-accusation. if you have nothing to hide - than make a strong point about it!!! dont settle for him checking up on your calls or emails.....although he should have access to everything you do(my hubby does), the way he is going about it is a little toooo much like babysitting.
maybe even seek some outside help - therapy or something where he is going to express his feelings as well as you expressing yours.

Answer 9

Your husband has some trust issues. Why should you even have to prove to him you haven't met anyone when you know that you haven't? All you can do is assure him that you haven't and continue on with life. If he still wants to accuse you of meeting someone else, you may want to consider the fact that he may be the one with something to hide. People will sometimes accuse their partner of things when they in fact are the guilty party.

Answer 10

Seriously, you need to put your foot down.
He is bordering on control.
If he can't or won't believe you, things will only get worse.
I suggest, that next time he accuses you of these things, get up and leave.
Tell him that if he cannot trust you there is no point in the marriage.
Tell him he needs to get some help with his irrational jealousy and controlling.
Its not good for you.
Sorry it seems a bit harsh, but IMO, its just the start of him, controlling other aspects of your life!!!