Marriage Advice.?

Question

Okay i have been married for 3 years. I love my husband and we have a beautiful 10 month old daughter together. We both graduated from high school and i am continuing my education. I got married at 18 years old and now i feel like i missed out on something. I am only 21 but i feel like an old person. My husband wants to go out every once and a while and I feel like i am being a bad person if i every go out. I have only been away from my daughter for 3 nights since the day she was born and that was because i was in the hospital with pneumonia why do i feel so bad for wanting to be with her all the time and yet i want to go out but i am scared to let anyone care for her. And my werid guilty feelings are putting strain on me and my husbands relationship. He says i dont spend any time with him how do i balance out the wife/mother relationships.

P.S. I got married at 18 cause me and my husband had been dating 2 years and he was leaving for iraq.

Answer 1

Luckily you are completely normal. While you married young, what you are feeling happens at any age. I never could leave my daughters, I felt terrible. However if I can share some observations. Your relationship with your husband has never had a chance to fully develope. His being deployed was not a reason to marry, but alot of kids do just that. Having a baby just added to a situation where you guys were naturally maturing and now you are finding you are moving apart. You can fix this. You have to look at your child realistically. Yes you love her, but you spend plenty of time with her, and the few hours that you and your husband have together is not going to harm her in any way. The place to start for a babysitter is with family, or the daughter of a friend. If you can't find anyone that way, then call your local Jr. High and High School and talk to a counselor there about seeking a reliable babysitter. Asking friends who also have kids is a good way to find someone reliable. Once you have a sitter, then you get back into date mode with your husband.

You are going to be with this man all your life, way past the point where your kids grow up and go away (which is supposed to be the goal). You need to give up some of the other things, or find a way to do them differently and focus on him. If you cannot or will not find a babysitter, then your child needs to be fed and in bed by 8pm and then you have a date. If you have already had a family dinner, then its time for candles, music and dessert. Watch a movie together, take a bath together, give a massage. Play a game, read a book, cuddle and talk. Do not talk about the baby.

If you want to save your marriage and your sanity, you need to get your priorities straight. Yes your child is the most needy person in your life probably right now, but if you don't address your husbands needs and your needs then you will find yourself without a husband and without a marriage. Then you won't have any time for yourself or your child.

Good luck, and realize that this stuff doesn't come naturally, sometimes another mom has to tell you.

Answer 2

Find a sitter you trust and relax a little. Your marriage is just as important to your daughters future! Do you want her to grow up in a loving home with happy, well adjusted parents? Go out. Have some fun. It's good for you to have some adult time away from the baby. You'll be a better mother for it. It might be hard at first but we live in the age of cell phones (something I didn't have when I was going through the same thing) The babysitter is just a phone call away. Having a strong happy marriage is important. If your husband becomes resentful that you don't spend enough time together it will cause other problems. Go have some fun!

Answer 3

You are definitely correct in wanting to stay close to your child. However, some space is needed at times. You will need to devise a way to spend more time with your husband and in doing so, find a very good environment for the child while you are gone. There is such a thing as being too possessive over your child and this is unhealthy for the both of you. You are (in a sense) growing up with your child and what you are doing is understandable to a point. The best advice that I'm able to give you is to get a babysitter maybe once a week for a few hours and spend some quality time with the hubby. Your husband is feeling a little rejected as your child is demanding so much of your time. Relax a little. It will do wonders for you AND your husband. Just my opinion.

Answer 4

You took on a major responsibility way too young. WHY? You teenagers want to be adults with a husband and a family way before you should, but whatever you did it. Now this is your life. You can't go out anymore and neither should he! Payback is gonna be a b i t c h in the going out and having a good time department.

You both should have known this, before you married and pregnant. All you BOTH should be doing right now is taking care of that baby and enjoying each other in your home.

If you could get a babysitter who you could trust once and a while, that's fine, but DO NOT LET HIM GO OUT AND PARTY WHEN HE CHOSE THIS RESPONSIBILITY TOO. He should be taking care of the baby just as you are. Believe me, before you know it, it's gonna start looking like alot more fun out there and that could ruin the marriage.

Don't worry about showing him a good time, he should be worried about helping you with his new child and making the two fo you happy. Don't let him be selfish!

Answer 5

It's obvious that you love your daughter very much, but you will be doing your daughter a favor by taking a break and going out with your husband. Get all dressed up, get a new outfit, pedicure, look forward to your night. Find a babysitter that you trust that will make it a fun night for your child. That way, you know your daughter is having fun and is well cared for. Your daughter will be fine. While out with your husband, try not to mention your daughter, just concentrate on him. Don't feel guilty, just remember that you are doing something good for your marriage and your daughter by having fun with your husband alone. Try to have a date night once a week, it will give you something to look forward to and break the monotony of your daily routine. Soon you will be looking forward to your night. Good luck.:)

Answer 6

Feeling bad about leaving you child is called being a good mother. there are to many mothers out there that dump their kids on other people to party. You don't want to be one of those people! It's okay to go out every once in a while . Just leave your daughter with a responsible adult you trust. Everyone want's to relive their glory days or in your case make them but at what expense.If your husband goes out more than you would like him to than tell him if he did'nt go out as much you could spend more time together. Hope this helps good luck!

Answer 7

Your daughter does need you alot now. But part of the well-being for your child is to have both of her parents there for her and to be in a healthy, happy environment. A strong, stabile marriage is a big part of that. Taking time for yourself and your marriage is going to show everyone involved (including you) that there can be a happy balance. Not only will your daughter learn to be more independent, but your husband will feel more appreciated and loved. AND you can finally stop feeling guilty about everything and enjoy the time you have with your daughter and husband. Good Luck!

Answer 8

This is normal. I did not want to leave my first born with anyone other than her grandparents and even then, it wasn't for long or very often.

Try to get your family or a close friend to babysit once a month so you and your husband can have a date night. It is important to keep a strong relationship with your husband. You will find a good balance between wife and mother.

Answer 9

You should make every effort to go out with hubby every once and awhile. Find a trusted family member or friend to babysit. Too often a couple will put ALL the energy and time with their children and forget about each other. When the kids are finally raised and on their own the couple will look at each other as if they are strangers. They grew apart and the intimacy is gone. Next thing you know they are headed for the divorce court.

Answer 10

I understand your not wanting to leave your daughter. If you have other family that would be willing to babysit, it would be ideal. Surely someone can help ..you need to start leaving her for short periods until you can be satisfied she is safe to leave longer.
Hubby is right...you need to spend quality time with him too. If you neglect him you will lose him.
You also need some space for yourself....don't feel guilty. Both you and baby will benefit from a short break from each other. You will be surprised how refreshed you feel. Good luck!