What would you do if your kids don't like the man you're in love with?

Question

He is a good guy - one of the few left

Sorry ladies - 16 & 11

Answer 1

It would depend on what they don't like. If there are legitimate concerns then I would lose him. My kids would come first and I would want them happy. You can be selfish when they are 18.

Answer 2

I am not sure you want to hear my answer.

If a man that I cared about could not get along with my kids then I would cut off ties with that man.. Because my kids come first..

However, My kids still live with me. and are my responsibility.. This would also depend.. if i was alone and the kids were grown... then they may have to learn how to at least get along for my sake...

Kids want the parents happy. If your kids are young give them time.. sometimes it is not an instant friendship but if you have been trying for a long time.. then maybe you need to cut your losses..

Do you really want to lose your kids? over anyone?

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

You might think he is a good man, but you also might be blind to certain things that could and might go on in your home. Like the previous poster, I have been there and done that also and I have the t-shirt for it. LOL. But seriously, my mother was dating a man (my little brothers father) and I hated him. I told my Mother I hated him and she just thought I was jealous because it was always just her and I until he came along. To get to the point...she didn't listen to me and he started molesting me at the age of 7yrs old. My mother thought he was such a good man because he wined and dined her all the time and she was blind to what was really going on in her own home. I tried to tell my mother but she wouldn't listen to me. I never forgave her for this. It has been a very traumatic experience in my life that has caused me to be paranoid about men around my daughters. It has also effected my ability to keep and maintain relationships. I want to let you know kids sometimes see things us adults don't. You should really take into consideration what your daughters have to say. You will never be able to forgive yourself if something bad happens to your precious daughters. So I hope and pray that you make the right decisions in the best interest of your kids.

Answer 4

Been there, done that....mom chose him over me and finally gave me away. You never get over that, trust me, and it messes up every relationship I have with everyone. I'll always wonder why I wasn't good enough for her to choose me, her own child. You have time ahead of you, if he really IS a good one, he will back off and they will come around if they see you are safe and happy. Do not force him on them, Do not choose any man over your children. You aren't going to die without any man, and if he IS as good as you think, you won't lose him anyway. There are ways to have a relationship, and you should be able to, without it having to come into your home and your children's security. They wouldn't dislike him if there were no reason. Trust them, and even if you don't, if you want them to have a chance at a happy life, remember your obligation is to your children, not your desires.

Answer 5

I know where you are coming from. Most children don't like the idea of their mom even seeing anyone else but dear old dad. But they don't understand your need and desires. You can even set them down, and let them know that you are serious in your conversation with them, that you want to include them. Be honest with them, about how you care for him, and that he makes you happy. And you don't want this man to take the place of their father. But that you need him, and want them to be happy for you. Try to convince them that you don't expect them to like him, but to at least give it a try. Honey, you don't want to throw a good thing away because of your kids. They will grow up one day, and you will be all alone. Put your foot down, if they still refuse to give. They are just being kids, so you have to go after them like they are adults, make them feel important in your decision. hope this helps.

Answer 6

well, if your kids do not like the man you are with, but you admire him so much, the only thing to do is just go with your heart. it might just take some time for your kids to like the man you are dating. most kids just feel bad that their mom/dad are replacing the original dad'mom. so just go with your heart, and if he is the few men that are out there. i suggest that you plan out a day where you, your kids, and your lover can go out and have fun. do this a couple of times and see how your kids feel. if your kids still do not like him, try taking them to more places like going to the movies or a arcade so that your kids and your lover can bond. good luck with your relationship and hope your kids become fond of him.

Answer 7

That is tough lady.

Kids are our priority. We brought them into the world. On the other hand you have the right to be happy.

I say give it time. They may learn to accept him simply because he makes you happy.

I recently had a similar situation. I asked my son, who had never known a man to be in my life, if he thought about what my life will be like when he is grown up and gone. So Dylan tolerated him. Too bad Joe turned out to be a jerk.

Answer 8

Personally . . . and this is just me, JMO, no one has to pay attention to it . . . I would consider not marrying the guy, or at least postponing the event to see if the kids' feelings change. Children are sometimes much wiser than one thinks. They may be seeing something you are not.

I think you should give serious thought to their concerns. Slow down with the guy . . . if he truly loves you, he will be around later.

I so agree with Happyteacher4u!!!!!!

Answer 9

HEADS UP!!!! Ok,, first you need to find out by openly talking to the kids,,, what IT IS that they dont like about him, maybe hes nasty, violent, threatening to them when you arent around.
OR are they afraid they will lose your love, attention and support.. are you equally dealing with this? you need to keep communications open with your kids.. I Think kids have tremendous instinct, they want whats good for you, they OFTEN see what you cannot see yourself.. Keep your anntenna on and alert. the kids may be onto something..
Discuss it with them openly and often and touch base on them allowing to tell you if the man is doing something inappropriate with them.
Youre experiencing hormones.. theyre seeing the reality.. keep the kids viewing in your own eyes.

Answer 10

Kids, like domestic pets often have a sixth sense when it comes to judging a new person coming into their lives. Of course you must not tolerate rudeness in any shape or form, but you should not discourage your kids from expressing their opinion