I was always gonna end up with 1 of them. Although I only ever see the other guy at events of other mutual friends, I have thought about him every day for the last 15 years since I left school and gradually lost touch. He was part of my close circle of friends but we were both shy and never really got it together. My husband was outside my circle at friends but we became best friends and still love each other dearly. We now have children. It has not always been easy, and he cheated on me 7 years ago. We put it behind us and things are ok, I'm not unhappy with my husband . 6 years ago met up with this guy again at a function. My friend had never met him before but she said she could see the sparks fly. He has been with a girl for about 10 years on/off they don't have any real commitment don't live together or anything. Whenever we meet we have a quiet moment agree to keep in touch but it never happens. I know he feels the same. Seeing him always screws me up for months. What do I do?
2007-06-30 02:24:15 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not for the sake of the children, but for the sake of your, how do you say it......."The reality of who you really are". Been there done that. There were three other women I was in love with, before I met my wife. There is something inside you that only a person who has experienced the samething can really know what you are going through. I have, and the best thing you can and should do is get as far away from him as you can. Because all it will do is mess with your head, never mind what is will do to your heart. That is why you must do what you really know is the right thing to do. I've been married for 25 years........ please put him out of your mind, you will thank me later. Please read the advice I gave a women on questions about her husband cheating on her or not, you will feel better knowing what I've been through.......Take care of yourself and stay with the man your hearts attached to....for your sake..........PLEASE. I also invite you to read my profile on my 360 account.
2007-06-30 02:54:48 · answer #1 · answered by Rennis Garigin G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Memories of old guy friends are wonderful, and are part of you. But, thinking about a guy every day for 15 years is a lot more than just fond memories. It's at least an unhealthy fixation- especially since you two never were really a couple. Lady, this IS a CRISIS. You MUST straighten yourself out, or you're gonna screw up a lot of lives. Mentioning that your husband cheated long ago, makes me CERTAIN that you are consciously, or unconsciously, justifying a fling, cuz hubby cheated. GET HELP. Talk to a minister, a marriage counselor, or a shrink- heck joining the French Foreign Legion is better than betraying yourself, and your husband and children. Don't wait- this isn't minor, it's your life. FIX IT!!!
2007-06-30 11:09:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What about the effect on your children if you choose to 'go' to this other guy? What if your husband has trully mended his ways, re: 7 years ago and is in for the long-haul (committed to your marriage) and you take off with this other bloke; you may not get a second chance with him (husband).
If he never makes the effort to keep in touch with you, doesn't that tell you something? He sounds inconsistant and non-committal. Maybe he respects your marriage and doesn't want to get involved with 'cutting-another-mans'-lunch'.
Maybe coz you feel 'unhappy', you're 'hanging' onto the outside chance that the long past friendship with him will solve your unhappiness. Alot can change in 15 years. If you never got it together back then, I doubt whether you get it together now. Sorry to sound negative.
Take some 'time' out, but include thinking about your kids in the whole deal.
2007-06-30 09:46:24 · answer #3 · answered by lulu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get over yourself and the fantasies of the other guy. Work to keep your marriage strong just as you promised the day that you were married. You may think that this is right. You know what I'm saying. To pay back the husband for cheating 7 years ago? You saw something in your marriage to forgive him for his affairs the first time. Think about it and make a good decision. Should you decide that you want this other guy, then by all means do the right thing first!
2007-06-30 09:35:56 · answer #4 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a loving and thoughtful husband that you care about.
You said that he cheated on you 7 years ago. Remember the pain and betrayal that you felt and no matter what do not cause him the same pain by cheating with this other man.
Regardless of his relationship status and whether or not he is part of a committed couple or not you have a husband and need to relegate him to your wonderful memory file and let the thoughts of a relationship with him go.
2007-06-30 09:33:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply you are obssessed with the other guy because you knew him since school BUT your relation didn't develope into marriage. If it does, belive me today you were going to think about another thing and maybe you couldn't live with him more than a couple of years. I think you LOVE your husband, forget the other guy and be close to your husband. Do not try to keep intouch with your old friend it is just a desire of the unknown.
2007-06-30 09:42:38 · answer #6 · answered by Yasso 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a therapist and talk privately to him/her about your feelings. Adultery hurts everyone, including the most important and innocent...your children. It's not worth it, and you are dangerously close to having an affair. There is no excuse.
2007-06-30 09:35:30 · answer #7 · answered by Suzie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to spend sometime with him again get to reknow him a bit better to find out why exactly you have this 'pull' to him. I am in a similar situation but unfortunatley I cannot see this guy.
I am not saying to run off with him but maybe just speak to him abit intimately and maybe it will help you to resolve any unanswered feelings or questions that you may have.
2007-06-30 09:39:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Once you have to make love with the other one too. If your husband is that type you may discuss this with him and invite him into your house. This would be the best. But I think you have to do it in secret.
2007-06-30 10:59:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If I was you -. I would pack a bag and go to the true love of your dreams. Show up at the door step. You Go giirl. He is waiting for you. Don't wait another day. Your still here.
2007-06-30 09:40:19 · answer #10 · answered by Gerald 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋