My husband cheated on me emotionally, not sexually, two years ago. I found out when his girlfriend tried to blackmale him. He confessed and called the police. We went through counciling and later decided to try to have a baby. Now, I have a month old baby and found out that he has been cheating for the past year and even proposed to her! I want to work it out. I love him and want our family to stay together! What can I do?
2007-06-29 22:08:31 · 22 answers · asked by Mandy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have the right attitude to your marriage. Maybe you should have an honest to goodness conversation with him. It seems that he is not really set on a married life. He still wants to be independent. Well, let him know what you want and if he can't accept that you will have to make a choice.
2007-06-29 22:40:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No easy answers here Darling.
The most important thing is that no matter what the future holds, you must now put yourself and your baby first. Your husband may or may not decide to stay with you. But regardless of what he does you and the baby now must “close ranks” and protect yourselves emotionally.
Men are born being able to compartmentalise their relationships so if he plays emotional games with other girls it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He probably does but as he sounds as though he mentally as a child himself, in a mans body, he needs to take the responsibility of farther hood seriously or you might find your self with someone who will provide the love you and your baby need.
He may feel abandoned by your pregnancy and your affection maybe focused on the child and not on him as much.
Don’t chase his affections though; if he wants to give them accept them. Only time will settle these problems but with a new baby in your arms aren’t already you the luckiest person alive.
You can’t control this situation you can only contribute. If he needs to go gently point out what he will be losing.
Good luck
2007-06-30 05:36:28 · answer #2 · answered by Ian H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi.. I'm sorry you found yourself in this situation, Firstly does he want to stay with you? If he doesn't or he's not 100% committed then your going to have to let him go.The heartbreak caused by affairs takes years to get over and needs both partners to be willing to work really hard at it.It's so difficult when you've just had a baby to cope with this kind of trauma too.. My advice is to sit down and talk to him and tell him you love him and would like him to stay but he Can have no contact with the other woman and you want him to call her while your with him and tell her it's over. Let him know its a trial basis and ANY contact with her will end the marriage.. Try to be strong and make sure you look after yourself and your little one xx
2007-06-30 05:24:57 · answer #3 · answered by Ellen O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then you need to learn to look the other way, and accept the fact that you'll have to share him. Your man isn't going to be faithful.....and it sounds like he may be planning to leave you. Try loving yourself and being a good role model for your child. Why would you settle for a relationship that disrespects you??? And you really thought a child was going to help your situation???????? I guess you've realized it hasn't. The best advice I can give you is to find a good lawyer, and start figuring out how to stand on your own feet as a single mother....it's just a matter of time.
2007-06-30 05:45:31 · answer #4 · answered by wendy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with yourself. I understand that you are worried about the baby and want to keep the family together. One of Oprah's favorite mottos : "once a cheater, always a cheater". You may give him another chance, but please do it wisely. Marriage is about mutual respect and support. His actions have proven that he is not willing to give you that. Being in a dysfunctional marriage (as your primary goal is to keep the family together) actually may do more harm to you and your child in a long run. You have an obligation to yourself first and then to your child to find the best way to pursue happy and fulfilling life - don't let the actions of your husband distract you from that. Good luck and all the best.
2007-06-30 05:35:00 · answer #5 · answered by gudrun077 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The question is, does this guy want to stay with you? He keeps cheating on you. where does he stand in all of this? Has he said he wants to make things right between you two? It's understandable for you to want to keep the family together, but he has to want it too because he's the one who's been screwing things up. You need to find out why he cheated on you. Were there problems between you? Or maybe he is just the kind of guy who always has to cheat. If he says he wants to make it work, go to a marriage counsellor and try and work it out but for your own sanity, don't put up with his crap. Unless you want this guy to always be walking all over you and the kid, you have to put your foot down. You have to either be willing to leave him unless he shapes up and *really* proves to you that you are worth it or be willing to accept life with a serial cheater.
2007-06-30 07:33:55 · answer #6 · answered by Shimrit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Mandy,
Precious girl, you have been used and abused by this man. He cares only for himself and not you or your child. Therefore, why do you want to waste any more time on him? You have had a wake up call while you are still healthy, young, and (hopefully) intelligent.
Get away from him. Make certain that he pays child support. Be up front with him and tell him that you expect it to be paid in full and on time, or he will be talking to a judge.
Get yourself educated to support yourself and your child. Stay optimistic and busy. Do not wait for someone else to find you, find yourself. Enjoy your child and always be there for him/her. Be strong. You still have a wonderful life in front of you and if you are living it well and happily, chances are better than good that someone else will be attracted to you.
Good luck. Don't look back.
2007-06-30 05:26:10 · answer #7 · answered by Peanut 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel and believe me it "Does Not Work" if you do stay together it gets worse, you sit and wonder if he is still cheating, you start to get annoyed at first then paranoid, then angry, don't do this to your self or your child.
He will not change and if you do stay with him he will do more and he will not be coy about it because he will know that no matter what he does you are not going anywhere, that you will put up with anything he does. And he will do what ever he wants and tell you what you are allow to do and what you are not allowed to do.
2007-06-30 05:20:53 · answer #8 · answered by BlackWidow 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to think about leaving him. He sounds like he is not ready to be a good husband. I think he will always cheat on you. If you stay, wait for a few years to have another child. See if he behaves himself. I don't think he will.
2007-06-30 05:31:57 · answer #9 · answered by Ruth 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try talking (nicely) with him and get him to COMMIT on staying. If he won't, you both might need to see a counsellor for help, if all fails, you might need to let him go now; if later he might drag you and baby thru the mud and the pain may be more intense then
2007-06-30 05:17:17 · answer #10 · answered by PikC 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋