I'm about to go to college and I'm so scared...?

Question

I've been so excited about finally being able to leave and now I'm sooo scared. I'm not scared that I'll fail...more of leaving my mom. My parents got divorced 3 years ago AND my older sister left for college at the same time. So I've been living alone with my mom and dog. I'm so scared of leaving her because I love her so much and she'll be all alone. I'm all she has left and now I'm going to be four hours away. And my dog who loves me so much is getting really old. She's 13 and I'm afraid she's going to pass away when I'm not here. We grew up together and I love her so much. She's not going to know why I left her, she's going to think I abondoned her. Plus my mom doesn't agree with some decisions I'm making but I am So happy with the way things have been going. So I feel like I'm letting her down even more. I'm not afraid of being lonely in college...just missing my family. I don't know what to do....

Answer 1

Oh sweetie, you should go. I felt the exact same way as you do. My mom and dad got a divorce when I was 9 and it was then just her, my brother who is mentally and physcially handicap and myself. It was the most amazing childhood, we were so so close. I graduated high school and was so so so excited about moving an hour and a half away for college, I was going to be free, have no one but me to worry about. It was going to be so awesome. That was until my mom and grandma got done moving me into my dorm room. That is when the tears started. They left me alone, alone in my room and I was balling, they called me about half way home and I told them to come back and get me, it wasn't worth it, I wanted to come home. My mom felt the same way, she wanted to come and get me. So for the first week I cried constantly, tried to make friends, talked to my mom all the time, and had to hear about how my brother cried for me, how she missed me and then cry for an hour after I hung up with her. For that first year of college, I made her come and get me every weekend and take me home and then bring me back on sundays. She had no problem doing it, it made things easier, but still so hard. And hten she met my step father, so that was a whole new problem. I thought I was being replaced. But after the first year was over, I was so happy and relieved. Then I went for the second year and I finally made a friend and didn't go home but once or twice a month. Then I met my husband and never went home and you know what, I am SO GLAD that I went and stuck it out. It was so so hard that first year, but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world and you should go. You will be sad the first year, few months, whatever, but once you have friends and meet the boys and get into school work you wont miss home and you will hate going home for breaks. Just go to school and enjoy it. Your mom with be just fine and might be even a little happy to have the house to herself, lol.

Answer 2

You are obviously a very caring young person.

I believe you are correct that your dog will pass away before you complete four years of college. I think, however, that you must put yourself first before a pet - the choices you make now will affect the rest of your life.

Talk to your dog and give her hug after hug as you are leaving. Tell her that you are leaving her in your mother's care. I believe that animals understand much more than most people give them credit for. It won't be your fault in any way when she passes away.

As for your mother, you will have to leave her at some point in time so, unless she is in fragile and in poor health, you should not let leaving her stand in your way of going to college. She will no doubt adjust to being alone. Encourage her to get involved in activities such as those provided for people who are 55+. Or, she could choose to get involved in volunteer work, which will get her out of the house and give her the opportunity to make more friends.

On the other hand, if there is a college in your city that would offer you the major you want, you might want to consider enrolling there. You didn't say why your mother didn't agree with some of your decisions, so make sure that those decisions will ultimately be for your best good.

Remember, you can go home some weekends and for holidays and the summer.
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Answer 3

You shouldn't let things like that hold you back, your dog will unfortunatly be passing very soon. It feels horrible to lose a dog you've had for so long, but it'll be okay, i'm sure you gave her a good life, and couldn't of done much more. You can always wait a semester and discuss it with your mother, and find out why she doesn't want you to Go, she's probably just scared to miss you too much, but she has to let go sometime, and you have to go off to become your own person, it's quite a rocky time inlife to launch away from the nest of your parents home and become independant, but you're only a few hours away, and you're mom will always be there for you.

Answer 4

In this day of cell phones, you won't be too far away from your family. As I walk across campus these days, many of the students are on the phone, and as I overhear conversations, many of them seem to be with their moms. In addition, four hours isn't that far away, and you will be home to visit quite often, I would guess. I don't know your mother, of course, but most would be more let down if their kid stayed home and didn't achieve much than if they made a success of themselves. Do your best in college - for yourself and also for your parents, and they will be proud of you (and you can be proud of yourself). Sure, they will miss you, as you will miss them, but that's not a disaster. My best friend lives 2/3 of the way across country and I don't even get to see her once a year, but we talk regularly on the phone and we have a great time when we do see each other.

Answer 5

Dogs don't think like that; just watch an episode of The Dog Whisperer. Your mom should be happy that you are making a decision to better yourself by going to school. If she's not, then you might want to re-evaluate your relationship with her. There is no substitute for a college education. The only other piece of advice I can give you is to see if there are any other schools closer to home, maybe even a junior or community college.

Answer 6

its normal to feel this way. don't worry, you can still visit your mom on the weekends or during the semester breaks.
it will only be for a while. think bout your future.
soon when ur finished studying this course, get your own job, and u can stay with your mom as long as you want to.
just look at the bright side. your mom will be fine.
try for a few months, if you still couldnt cope up with it, then find somewhere nearer so that you wouldn't have to stay away from your mom.

Answer 7

now you just make some imagine on what will happen ...don't be too down ...u can go back or chat with your family..since we have web cam and internet service...world become smaller....i am thounsand miles leave with my family.....

Answer 8

I applaud you for your thoughtfulness and your loyalty toward your mother.

You are at the age now where you need to spread your own wings and try to fly. It is now time to blaze your own path in life.

Going to college is a rough transition for most people. Personally by the time I graduated high school in the early 90’s, I had traveled to 3 foreign countries, 2 continents, and about 25 states in the US. I was the last person I thought would get home sick.

My first year, I went home every weekend for about 3 or 4 months. Finally, my mother went on a vacation and I had nowhere to go. I stayed at school for the weekend and went out and had the time of my life. That was a turning point in my life. By my senior year, I was so busy with school (and busy partying to be honest), I only went home during holidays.

My first quarter, I got some pretty bad grades. I think I got below a 3.0 GPA that first quarter. It sounds like good grades, but I had put everything I had into school and didn’t even get a “B” average. I had to learn time management, prioritization, and trade offs. I worked so hard the next quarter, I put myself in the hospital with stress induced stomach problems. The third quarter of the year, I didn’t care anymore (I didn’t study, I just went to classes, took notes, and only did graded assignments). I finished that quarter with over a 3.9 average (for the quarter). Eventually, I found my grove. I went to a private Engineering school with almost a 90% drop out rate over 4 years. I graduated in 4 years (plus 1 summer school class) with honors

Eventually, you are going to fail in college. It may be a class or you may fail out of school completely, but you will fail. When that happens, it is what you do next that determines what kind of person you are. You can mope about it and quit, or you can try again and put everything you have into it. I was one of the best in my program (many people urged me to take an IQ test because they thought I was so smart). It took me three times to pass one class and two to pass another. I only got a “C” in my senior design team project despite a report of over 1000 pages and sponsorship from a major motorcycle manufacturer. Things are not going to go your way. Believe it or not, this helps you prepare for life and the real world.

My point? You are going to miss your mother and your dog. That is good as it means you have love in your heart. Your dog will be OK (mine was…she lived with my Mom after I went to school until she put her down). Your Mom wants what is best for you and wants to see you succeed, even if that means letting you go to school and leave the nest.

College is scary at first, no friends and a huge change in work intensity and work level. You will struggle to find your groove and to figure out how to pass classes without going insane. You will fail at something.

However, things will begin to fall into place. You will learn to study all over again and learn how to get good grades with a minimum of effort (I’m not advocating being lazy, just doing all the work that is mandated and/or suggested will kill you). You will make a few lifelong friends, dozens of good friends, and countless acquaintances. You will find your own identity and begin to determine your own path in life. You will party, you will study, and you will have the time of your life.

Just relax and let life take its course. Things will be great!

Three things I tell all people going to college….

1. Don’t forget to have fun. Define what fun is to you. Take time to do sports. Take time to hang with new friends. Go out and party. Get an underage drinking tickets. Find out what relaxes you and make time to do it (I took up martial arts and became an excellent full-contact fighter…I also drank enough to last a few lifetimes)

2. Watch out for addiction. If you start drinking, smoking, or doing drugs (which I say stay away from, but to each their own)…keep it in moderation. Addiction comes out of nowhere. By the time you realize addiction has you, it is too late. I left school a two pack a day smoker and I could drink a case of beer without passing out. By the time I was 23, I had almost enrolled in AA twice. I was lucky. Just be careful.

3. If someone else is paying for school (government, scholarships, etc…), keep going as long as someone else pays for it. If you can get a Master’s Degree for free, don’t take a break, keep on going!

Good luck to you!!