Hi I have been married for a year to my husband and we are expecting our first child in September of this year

Question

He works at a hospital between 8 and 12 hours a day which leaves me home alone all that time unless I am working. When he gets home from work he gives me a kiss then he head right into the computer room to play World Of Warcraft the only time he comes out is to get a drink or to eat supper then hes back in there until sometimes 11 at night. When I ask him to come out and sit with me he gets upset. This has been going on for almost a month now. Even when we both have the day off which rarely happens he is playing the game all day and leaves me in the living room to watch tv. What can I do to make him spend more time with me. I get really lonely when hes working all day and then comes home to play the computer. I spend more time with my cats then him. Please help me

Answer 1

This sounds really silly, but my husband had a problem playing video games too much. I kept a running log of how much time he spent playing his games. After a couple of weeks I showed it to him and he could not believe it. He did not realize he spent that much time playing his games. Since then he has tried to spend his time more wisely. By the way this was several years ago and my husband hasn't been as bad about playing for hours on end since. Every once in a while I do find a day in which he has to sit playing all day long and then he wonders where the day went!! GOOD LUCK!! GOD BLESS!!

Answer 2

This might sound very strange to you, but my husband does exactly the same thing. He spends the whole day at work, gets home and heads for the pc to play games.
I have had fights with him and I have had arguments and cried and screamed and did all that. (We live together for 5 years now and are married for 3.5).
And some time just after I got married to him I realized something very important and I think you need to try and see it this way.
He is at HOME with YOU! He is not out with friends drinking and partying till the wee hours of the morning. You are competing against a computer that is under your roof, not in an strip club down town or the bar around the corner.
It is true we get very lonely and want them to talk to us, but go sit with him and start a conversation. Whenever people ask me about his playing computer games - I just say that the pc is my only competition in our lives and even though he is just sitting there playing games, he is still with me!
Remember that when the baby arrives you will have very little time for yourself and then he will be the one seeking attention, so just give it time, it too will pass.
PS. They quit playing for a long time and it is just phases they go through....hang in there.

Answer 3

This is his way of relieving stress, but unfortunately he doesn't realise it's not giving him a 'balance' in his life, and it's not satisfying your needs of having him around some of the time. Tell him that you understand his need for relaxation through the game, but he should allocate some time to your relationship - but get out of the house when you have your time together - go to the park, anywhere away from the computer and TV - this game is extremely addictive and it's very hard to break the habit. You have to sort this out before the baby arrives. Best of luck.

Answer 4

Mine was once like yours too! I'VE BEEN THERE!

He is ADDICTED to those games (obviously). Once some people get started, it is very hard for them to pull themselves away from them. Good Lord some people "forget" to eat, sleep, or even go to work once their "hooked". Some get
PEE cans so that don't have to stop playing to go use the bathroom!!!

You've got a few solutions:
1) Look into finding a counsellor that works with these kinds of addictions (seriously, they have them). Set up an appointment for yourself to find out the best methods for convincing your husband that what he's doing isn't healthy.
AND then get him to the counsellor OR bring the counsellor to HIM!

2) Have him (or just do it yourself) move the computer into a more central location---kitchen, dining room, living room...so that you can still interact with him while he's playing his game. Tell him that's why you NEED it moved. Insist on it.

3) Camp out in the room he's in now (especially if he won't move it). Move a chair in, make conversation with him, eat in there when he does,...(what's he gonna do, tell you to "get out"?) Perhaps he'll see how silly this arrangement is and start coming to his senses. If he tells YOU to leave or to not interrupt him, or he wears the headphones...tell him that this arrangement's not going to work cuz when the baby;s born you are all NOT going to be LIVING in that room!

4) If all this fails...you are going to have to put your foot down.
At the very least, he must compromise with you here. Tell him what you've posted here...tell him how this is affecting you and tell him this relationship's not working (you, him, and the computer----it's almost like an affair!) And...tell him this is no way for a FAMILY to interact. The baby will be here soon!

And then again...maybe this is his way of being alittle (alot!) immature before the baby does come. He's playing now cuz he's nervous about being a father and this is his outlet. That's fine...EXCEPT it's affecting your marriage.

5) You are going to have to explain all this (before he gets on the computer) and set up "the deal". The deal is when you are both home and awake...that time is for you and him (talking, eating, chores, sex, whatever... No computer! He can get up early before work to play. He can go play when you're otherwise engaged (doing your own "thing"...hobbies, reading, talking on the phone, shower/bath,...) or you can even agree to a "playtime" say, right after dinner BUT only for an hour (that's in addition to the other times you've agreed to (before work, after you go to bed, after sex,...). The thing is YOU both deserve to be happy here ...so both of you need to compromise in one way or another..."the deal" needs to work for BOTH of you AND you MUST be clear that this deal will need to be revamped once the baby's born.

Good luck and please take care...you don't deserve to live this way AND neither does that baby.

Answer 5

there is nothing you can do to MAKE him do something he doesn't want but i do have a suggestion! How about you start doing things that please you, like a hobby or even take a walk, spend time with friends or even all of the above so you are enloying yourself and not sitting around seeting about what he is or isn't doing. Stand up, be strong and independant, get yourself happy.... then watch what happens when you turn the tables. Trust in yourself and your ability to be able to please yourself, he too will be start feeling a little insecure, just like he is making you feel.
Jumping up and down or even leaving may get you somewhere for a day here and there but i think what you are looking for is him WANTING to be with you.... which won't happen if he is forced... you will know he would prefer to be somewhere else and that won't make you feel any better.

Answer 6

The game is an escape. That particular type of game is very good at sucking people into a different reality and some people just develop a problem.

I think in his case, he's not going to be able to play in moderation. It's really going to be a choice of no game and keeping his marriage or play the game all by himself. You may be surprised that he wil actually have to consider his choice.

The bottom line is that he needs to figure out what he is trying to escape. Maybe he can't deal with stress in the medical field. Maybe he doesn't think he's living up to being a father and just doesn't want to deal with it. There is something that he isn't facing up to. He needs to find out what that is and needs to do it away from the keyboard.

Tell him that his absense is affecting your health and you are worried that you won't be able to take care of the baby by yourself, because he is essential "not there".

Answer 7

Tally up the time you two get to spend together.
I had the same thing happen to me.
I said casually that if he wasn't oputting anything into the relationship, we didn't have one, plain and simple, and that I would leave if he did not shape up. He needs to realise that it's not just him in the marraige, if he cannot, or will not, honey, then it's time to move on.
If he sees you are serious, he'll have to think about it.
I tried getting out and about, it made zero difference, as did trying to be with him in anyway.

Answer 8

I don't want to get off color here, but what you need to do is put on a sexy nightie or anything that you know will attract his attention, turn off all the lights, light a candle, grab a shotgun, blow a hole in the computer, wait on him when he gets home, greet him at the door with a big sloppy kiss, and HAVE REVIVAL!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

You need to nip this problem ASAP. Things will only get more difficult once the baby arrives. Babies are very demanding and you're going to need all the help from your husband that you can get! First, try talking to him about it. If that doesn't work, you may need marriage counseling. This sounds like a problem for Dr. Phil!

Answer 10

Go and buy a game machine that hooks to the TV and challange him to play the game with you. How about that! Get a game that is simular to his game on the computer, but make sure it is a game for two players.