I have my children with me. My new wife is trying to accept them and me.?

Question

But, she is having a hard time with it. She lays in bed, unmovable. She can't deal with it. Advice?

Answer 1

Your wife should have accepted you...and your children...before you married her. However, it's a bit late for "should have"s so....it sounds like she's depressed and overwhelmed. Try telling her how much you love her and want your marriage to work but that you also love your children and have an obligation to them FOR LIFE just as you have vows with her FOR LIFE. Therefore, will she go to counseling with you to make things better for all of you. She obviously is in need of coping skills and all of you would benefit from gaining some knowledge of ways to make your home welcoming and friendly for all members of your family. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

Has she ever been a parent? If not, she may need some classes or help understanding how "da kids work".

I can understand that a person that's never had kids could be completely caught off guard about what it's really like.

I'm concerned that she just gave up and refuses to get out of bed. That's not a good sign at all. Sounds like maybe you've got a lemon. Can you take her back to the store and get a replacement wife? This one didn't come with the Mom feature.

Answer 3

Being a stepmum is the hardest thing i have ever had to do and i couldn't make it work no matter how hard i tried in the first couple of years. You need to assess the situation with an open mind and really get to the bottom of why she is like this. If you can unite with her and show you are willing to let her be a part of everything including having a say in discipline then you should be able to get past it. My hubby had a fear of the kids going to their mother so he used to let them get away with everything and when i would say anything then it seemed like i was just picking on them, when in actual fact it was not the case, it's just that i have higher standards than those kids were used to. People that tell you to put your kids first are wrong because one day they will leave home and you will be left with nothing. What you need to do is find out what is really going on and LISTEN to her when she speaks. There is so so so so so much to being a step parent, more than what i can fit in here but feel free to email me if you would like me to elaborate further. I would just like to add that we now have 3 kids of our own and his kids are now grown and moved back here to be close to US because we are now so close and they too have become my children. It really sounds like she is depressed, you need her to get to a doctor for some meds, then try to start building a relationship for all of you.... and NEVER give up, i cannot stress that enough. I have this huge loving family that i always wanted and although it was a tough road, it was so worth every second.

Answer 4

Well, was she not aware you had children that would be living with you both. Why does she have a problem, with you. That she lays in bed, unmovable. What is her problem, why did she marry you. Ask her that. Sounds, like she is the one with the issues.

Answer 5

If your new wife is struggling to accept your kids and YOU, why on earth did you get married. All this should have been sorted out before considering any marriage. I think you both should seek professional advice. Remember the kids are your first priority and if she is struggling to cope with an instant family, it would also be hard on the kids and who knows what effects it will have on them in the future.

Answer 6

Im wondering why she has a problem with it if she married you.. Obviously she knew that you had kids... She married you but shes having a hard time accepting you? The whole thing seems odd to me. My boyfriend has two children and although he doesnt have custody of them, I hope that someday, they will be able to come and go as they please. They are always welcome in "our" house. I consider them family even though we are not married yet. I would marry him in a heartbeat... Maybe its something else thats on her mind? I would suggest she gets some counseling or maybe you two could go together.

Answer 7

reason why i would not date a man who had his kids everyday i know i could not deal with it. I say kick her out. Some women can handle kids some can't. You both made a poor choice. She should have been upfront that it was too much. You may have moved her in too soon before she really KNEW what she was getting into.

Answer 8

she is thinking that she made a mistake; she does not want to be there. it's not easy to be able to be open minded with stepchildren; they try to manipulate the situation.
what you need to do is pull her aside and ask her what's wrong, and listen to her. i have 3 stepchildren; they manipulated my husband to no end; but when they realized nobody could get between us; they started to make some changes toward me.
do you know what my husband told one of his daughter.' If I have to choose between you and my wife; i choose my wife. that was the last day i remember having problems with them.
do not let them manipulate you; be on your wife side regardless.
let her take charge; she feels powerless, because is 3 or 4 of you and one of her. what you need to do is have one meeting a week and let them speak their problems and questions they might have ; "if you do not know the answerer" tell them you will discus it with your wife that you will get back to them with the answer.
it's not easy being a stepmother; because sometimes you feel excluded from the crowd. maybe you need to go to a marriage counselor so they can set boundaries for all of you.
guess what??? they are all gone now they have their own lives; we are glad we did not let them manipulate us. if you love your wife; be a man and take charge; you tell them that is her house .
they need to follow her instructions and suggestions.
good luck been there.

Answer 9

If she truly loves you, she will find a way to be able to deal with it.
You are a package deal and either she can accept that or she can't.

I guess you will find out just how much she loves you and how much she really wants to be with you.

Good luck
I wish you the best

Answer 10

Your children should always come first. They should be in an enviroment where they are loved and cared for by all parents, even step parents. If she can't deal, she shouldn't have married you. I'm sure she knew you had children before the wedding.