Again, read my other questions to see my background please.... Recently, my fiance wrote me letter saying how I am the most beautiful, mature, wonderful, caring, strongest (and any other fabulous word you could think of) woman he has ever met. Well if I am all of these wonderful things, which I believe myself to be, why doesn't all of him want to be with me? Why would he risk losing me because he is so very scared of commitment right now? Why did he even ask me to marry him and plan our wedding if he was freaking out? This is so out of character for him. I can't even believe it. How do you go from loving and wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone and them having your children to "I am scared because every married person in the world gets divorced" - that's his quote. So, really I want to know guys/girls, if I am all of these wonderful things, why does he not want it????
2007-06-29 12:04:01 · 19 answers · asked by BrusselSprouts 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's got a clear case of "cold feet". Since weddings began
there have always been people who decide to shy away from
the alter at the last minute, after having second thoughts.
It is my guess that these same people were shallow individuals who had no regard for their intendeds' after all.
They are taking the cowards' way out. And basically saying,
you're great, you have been great, and now it's time to move
on to another relationship where I don't have to fully commit
myself. Don't pressure this one to return. You deserve better.
Take time now to enjoy what your likes are. Get together with
girl friends you haven't taken the time for. Enjoy doing things
with them or mixed company. But don't get involved with
anyone. You need space and time to heal from your being
'jilted' before being at the alter, so to speak. Better now than
the embarrassment on your wedding day. Whew, I can just
see that. Then you'd be out all of the decorations, catering, etc. So be lucky if you've only spent for invitations. Some
things don't work out, no matter how much time we've vested
in them. I had expected to marry a guy, by both our families.
Even after he went away to a military school. He stopped
writing after discovering, 'California Girls'. I didn't hear from
him for two or so years. And had a relationship ending when
he came back into my life again. He felt I would jump at
getting back together, and he even asked me to marry him.
Try as I might, I couldn't bring the old feelings back. I couldn't
even care for him as a friend. He'd hurt me too long, years
back. I first said I'd marry him, thinking I could revive it all
again. But I couldn't and told him so. And I learned he didn't
wait as long as I'd have expected, to find someone else to
marry. He didn't even wait til he'd had college. So life does
go on, and often in opposite directions of what we would
intend.
You'll find someone who deserves you. Just relax and live
life for now. Enjoy the things of summer and be glad you
found out just in time, before you got married and pregnant!
2007-07-06 09:17:00 · answer #1 · answered by Lynn 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does want it but he is afraid, marriage is a huge step. It's more than just changing your last name, its committment, it's not just all about one person anymore, now its about someone else, its knowing that whatever you do now that you are married not just only affects you it also affects the other person as well, it's sharing space when you were used to being alone, its many things. It's about your whole way of life changing, but it's changing for the better--give him space, he may also feel that he has to give somethings up, what he is feeling and experiencing is quite normal, get him to talk to you all marriage does not end in divorce. Never let anyone tell you that marriage is 50/50 if you and he are only putting a half into the marriage--then don't expect a marriage to be whole. You have to give 100 and so does he, it may not work that way all the time, but putting half into a marriage what are you doing with the other half. Just be patient with him again his feelings are valid, he does love you and want to be with you, he is scared.
2007-07-06 14:49:07 · answer #2 · answered by pookster4262 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not giving your relationship a chance. I feel his problem is that he's scared to find someone else and hurting your feelings. You might have all these great qualities, but he not sure this is enough to hold him in a relationship. I believe both man and woman control how far your marriage last, you have to be willing to commit, trust, and love eternally. All three components are needed...There is the slight possibility that he's not ready mentally. Sit down and ask him the same question you're asking us, hopefully he'll give an honest answer. Good Luck!
2007-07-06 04:31:39 · answer #3 · answered by Rafa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes a lot to make a marriage work. It's a deep commitment. Divorce, I've heard can be very emotional and painful, not to mention expensive in a lot of ways.
Slow down, what is the rush? If it is meant to be then it will be. You have to be strong enough to be without him.
A lot of things are scarey in life. Sometimes you just need to jump in and other times it's worth it to take your time. This is one of those times where you need to slow down. Planning a wedding is stressful in and of itself. I've been married almost a year. I wanted to get married before (not to this guy, in general) and was scared to death for so many reasons. For me, it was very much internal. It had little to do with the other person. But when he proposed and since then, all has been great. I didn't have any doubts. It was very weird and not at all what I expected. We have had our ups and downs but we expected it and we remain committed to each other but together is better than being without each other. Make no mistake, it takes swallowing your pride, apologizing, respecting each other, and allowing each other to have his and her own space, etc. It's compromise and being flexible.
Focus on yourself and get involved in activities that will take your mind off of yourself and your worries. It will work out for the best. Life is a journey, not a destination. It's a clique but it's so true.
2007-07-06 15:58:17 · answer #4 · answered by Unsub29 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a huge commitment and even if your head over heals in love with person it can still scare the crap out of you. Right now hes scared so give him time to work through his feelings and try not to be too pushy or needy. But dont wait for him forever or give into being boyfriend and girlfriend for 20 years. If he keeps you on the fence for too long tell him to hit the pavement.
2007-07-05 13:42:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he dose want it just not just yet. Marrige is a big deal and a very BIG thing, I am sure your a wonderful person but maybe thangs are going a little too fast for him. Sit him down and talk things out with him tell him you love him and want to be with hime ( it sounds that way at least from what you have said)and just tell him the way you feel and if he isent ready wait because you dont want to make a mistake but just tell him that your ready when he is and that you will be waiting for him. (if it is so) good luck!
ps maybe go to a counsler togeather or just him.
2007-06-29 19:25:04 · answer #6 · answered by shoppergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Case of cold feet.If you love him,perhaps you can offer to wait a while 1 year. give him time to get it together, I'm betting it want be that long.Or maybe you could try being room mates for awhile.Don't loose him because you are hurt and pack your vanity away and see it his way.1 yr. Good Luck
2007-07-07 10:33:46 · answer #7 · answered by lotteda717 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Part of him wants to stay single for awhile. Unfortunately, it's a pretty strong part. Don't take it personally. Get out and date. Have fun. Give yourself a chance to get over this bad case of timing (he's just not ready so listen to him and believe him when he says it).
You might get lucky and meet someone terrific. He'll have to take the chance that you might meet someone terrific and he will have lost out. Well, he knows that already.
2007-07-06 02:48:47 · answer #8 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He really didnt want to get married in the first place. There were or still are some issues that he didn't want to come clean about. Move on or you will just be wasting your time.
2007-07-06 13:03:19 · answer #9 · answered by shane f 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when we are driving we see signs on the road..they tell us whats ahead...for instance..RR..means railroad crossing...and STOP.....means that you must stop...on the road of life our creator puts signs on out for us to have directions....now..if you keep going..then dont go running back and asking the holy One "why"......let your financer make up his mind and get settled...you on the other hand...do your own thing too...seek out some inner peace and joy and happiness that is not dependant on someone else....you sweet sexy beautiful woman...all that you are..is beautiful...be very happy with what you can do for yourself ....I bet you when you just gettin on a role and bout to break loose his indesiciveness will have went out the window and he is gonna wonder..where you been , why you havent called , and do YOU..still want him!...look in the mirror once a day and say..."wow"
2007-06-29 19:20:05 · answer #10 · answered by benayamin y 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋