CAn anyone give me an answer. This relates to an earlier question of mine, and yes, all the advice is very good, and I should practice, but it still doesn't answer y I'm so insecure about a relationship that hasn't even begun yet, and is in the infant stages. I'm taking a lot of males stereotypes and applying them to my relationship, when i know I shouldn't since every guy is different. I know this is silly, which is y I want these doubts gone, but I guess I just wanna be prepared for when sh*t does go wrong. I know it's wrong of me to think like this so soon w/o any provocation, but I've heard of arranged marriages gone bad once the spouse reaches the states. ANy ideas of getting rid of my ridiculous paranoia that doesn't include counseling? Theres' no reason for any of this from my partner, just from society and what I've seen and heard about marriage in general, especially the arranged kind. Plz help, I'm going nuts!
2007-06-29 11:49:13 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think the reason you are feeling this way is because you really aren't sure of your soon-to-be husband's feelings toward you. You did mention it is an arranged marriage so you are pretty much playing it by ear (as is he). He could get here and be the sweetest guy ever or turn out to be a cheating a-hole. how could you know without datung this person for an extended period of time?
is there any way you could push the wedding further back? Then you could just concentrate on getting to know each other better.
2007-06-29 12:08:08 · answer #1 · answered by Talkstress 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you going along with an arranged marriage in the first place? The only advice i can give is wait and see...there is no need to get worked up over nothing.
2007-06-29 19:02:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i had an arranged marriage and now i think why the hell did i agree to go for arranged marriage...it is so much gamble. for me things couldn't have been better....my husband is a sweetheart......no affairs ...nothing. though i was insecure in the beginning....and so was he....things worked out. Any marriage love or arranged takes the same amount of work. there is no guarantee about marriages....that's what i have figured it out. Good luck
2007-06-30 09:40:39 · answer #3 · answered by always-smile 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be nervous, too. Even though arranged marriages have been successful for many years in many countries, marriage to a stranger is really scary. You're not paranoid. This could be really great, or it could crash & burn.
You need some time to get to know this guy before you marry him. Is there any way to arrange that?
2007-07-05 20:27:52 · answer #4 · answered by TX Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear friend,
Its the transition phase of your life, pl don't get in to what people say. You should be proud enough that even in this so called modern age you and your family has opted for the old Indian tradition.
There is no scope at all for failure. Both of you have to understand the needs and desire of each other at the same time both the families have to have a good family relations.
This would only cement you bondage and help you to weather out all misunderstanding in future.
My class mate is at Sugar land USA, he too got married and have a well settled life. My friend and his family is quite close to me, they pray god for having Indian cultures and value.
Only if your husband gets into any bad association I think you may face some difficulties, but you can take the help of your in laws to control him.
I know you may be uncomfortable with the girls coming in close to your husband , its all inner fright of loosing out to some foreign girls.
Don't get mugged up with what the society; says, be bold and try to kill your negative thoughts.
2007-06-30 01:13:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok you need to relax and chill. Arrange marrages have been successful as a matter a fact the divorce rates is lower than other marraiges, 90% of arrange marraiges work. Ok so you are anxious and nervous and dont know what to expect, it normal and natural. Look and you r self you alive so relax. ok yeah you hear all , but really you should approach this openly be cautious until you two have gotten the chance to talk to each other and build your thing. Just make sure that you be you and dont change to try and please or make him like you , show him you and talk. stop worring your self.
2007-07-06 16:14:09 · answer #6 · answered by kab 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
an arranged marriage is why you feel the doubts you feel.not once did you ever mention being in love with this man.sometimes you have to listen to your instincts.how well do you know this guy?if the relationship is in the infant stage i don't see what the big deal is.if you don't love this person the relationship is doomed anyway.
2007-07-07 14:49:47 · answer #7 · answered by moanalisa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your mother is around, she probably went thru the same thing. You'll be surprised how well she'll understand what you're going thru. If not your mother, then other women relatives that had arranged marriages. Not many people on this site will understand.
2007-06-29 18:54:20 · answer #8 · answered by Patsy A 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every reason to feel paranoid. It just means that you are hoping for the best, there is nothing wrong with that. Hearing other stuff about men, it's information, you just have to be open minded, and say, yes, there are some men like that, but there are also good men, who are faithful, and wonderful. We are all Human. My advise is, be open minded, for if you are negative, you are setting the relationship to fail.
2007-06-29 19:09:37 · answer #9 · answered by 0000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be more specific as far as to where he's from, and why this arrangement is taking place. and your insecurities are genuine, i would be thinking just like u., specially with someone i haven't had the opportunity to get to know. that's not a good thing. tell us more about you and him.
2007-06-29 19:16:46 · answer #10 · answered by sassy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋