A Girl at work keeps hitting on me and I am married?

Question

How do I make this a better situation. I am one of her bosses and I do not want to make this uncomfortable. I have been told to just let it be, but I have a beautiful wife at home and I feel that it is not fair to her to have this woman just hitting on me all the time.

I think she is a great worker, and is married too! I know she was having some problems at home and I think this is all how it started. I listened to her, a lot, and I think she has turned it in to something else.

Any advice on what to say nicely. I am not the kind of person who enjoys hurting someones feelings.

Thanks.

Answer 1

You sound like a nice guy. You care about your wife and another persons feelings.

I think you should tell her that you are not comfortable with the advances and that you have a happy home and dont want to ruin that. She should respect that. If she doesnt then I would let the person above you know and have them handle it.

Take care!

Answer 2

This is really a very simple problem if you want it to be. You are both married...right? Before I give you my ideas, how did she hit on you? Did she do it in a subtle manner or openly.Either way, tell her in a nice but forceful manner, that you can not be more than just friends for the following reasons:1) you are one of her bosses2)you are both married and you are positive neither one of you wants to hurt your respective mates3)that what she probably feels right now is gratitude for your support during her marital difficulties4)that a relationship with her will put you in a legally compromising situation( which is very true)5) that while you are fond of her as a friend, you are very much in love with your wife and don't want to do anything to hurt her or jeopardize your marriage. I also suggest that you get witnesses ; or if possible, document everything so there is no doubt as to who the instigator is. This way you can protect yourself against a false charge of sexual harassment because of your rejection of her.If she does not stop after you have tried 1-5 above, then I'm afraid you might have to report her to your company and /or the police, even at the risk of hurting her badly.I wish all the best.

Answer 3

Tell her what you told us...You are a great worker and I know you are going through a rough patch at home. I will continue to keep you in my prayers however, I am getting the feeling you are hitting going me. If she says, yes let her know you are flattered but very happy and you wish for it to maintain that way (Say it will a smile and a little stern). If she doesn't get it...as much as you want to be nice about it...you can't. You are really going to HAVE TO PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. Tell her...I am not interested. Now there is a possibility she will spit venom on you...that's the risk. Or simply file a complaint. She has a choice on what direction you should go.

Good Luck

Answer 4

Once you are able to talk to this young lady alone at the work place. (notice that I said work place?) you should simply state the following or something close to it. " Now (her name here) although my ears have been and will continue to be here for your comfort and relief, I feel the need to tell you that no other part of me is available. I feel that you are a very good employee and I hope that this does not affect it, I am very happily married and would not want to jeopardize that in any way. I hope that you understand and can see my side of the situation. Now get your a*s back to work!" Well on second thought, you may wish to forget that last sentence. But the rest should work out fine for you. Then do as you have already been advised, let it be. It may not hurt to have a tape recorder running at this time as well for proof should this woman try to make something else out of your conversation. As a matter of fact, I would advise it. Good luck with your situation. It's refreshing to know that there are more of us out there with principles.

Answer 5

Become all boss and do not get personal with your subordinate. You cannot get that close due to anything that could ever be used against you on sexual harrassement. You can be friendly to a point but only when it concerns the job and keeping bussiness ...bussiness!! Remember the movie called Fatal Atrraction....you never know how people can take you. Your only concern is your employment and your marriage strong. The one thing you do is start bringing up your beautiful wife and how wonderfull she is and how no woman could ever take her place. call your wife in for lunch sometimes and be very loving and affectionate with her in front of this woman........let her know in words and actions how your wife does it all for you and that you could never imagine your life without her. This lady will soon get the message and start looking for another intrrest. You need to turn this around and if she ever gets out of line you will have to let her go.Good luck.

Answer 6

First, start keeping a journal of her behavior and your conversations. Everything could be important. Keeping a journal could save you later on.
Ok, as far as the woman, she has one of two motives, and maybe both at the same time.
1. Moving up the ladder.
2. She's "in love" with you. You have become the ideal husband. You love your wife, and she knows it. Her life isn't peachy and somewhere in her mind she's placed herself with you, and life is better that way.
You've got to cut it off, she will just hurt more later. I'm betting to her this is a "relationship", even subconsciously. It's like breaking up two months in, or two years in, the latter hurts more. Keep the journal, if she's scorned she might file a sexual harassment suit against you.
If you want to be nice, start by telling her she's making you uncomfortable. and you'd rather not hear it.
When it happens again, say "I'm sorry, I thought I had mentioned before that this discussion is inappropriate."
The third time, "I can't continue this, I think we should keep this professional and no longer discuss our personal lives."
After that, take your journal to HR. I'm serious about doing it before she does.
Good Luck, you're doing the right thing.

Answer 7

Dangerous situation.

First start keeping a journal of everything this girl does or has done. Next, If you have a Human Resources department speak to the highest ranking person possible. Let them know exactly what is going on. Share your journal with them. You need to cover your but t in this situation because it could very quickly turn on you.

Sadly, this is a form of sexual harassment. She is harassing you, believe it or not. She has created a sexual situation that you don't feel comfortable with.

Finally, tell human resources that you are going to gently broach the subject with this woman and that you do not want their involvement you just want them to be aware and if you need them to step in they are forewarned.

So, now that you have covered your rear end, gently tell this woman that you have enjoyed speaking with her and getting to know her. But you are afraid (and may be a little presumptious) that she may have developed feelings for you and you have become uncomfortable with the situation. And you want to make sure that the two of you are strictly interacting on a business level.

Remember, and I can not stress this enoguh, you have to let HR know first. Because if you have the conversation with her before that, you could end up with scorned woman syndrome and a whole lot of trouble for yourself. If you let them know first, if she goes to them to register a complaint they will be ready for it. And any sexual harassment claim she may have will be very defensible.

Good luck.

Answer 8

This is not a casual or light issue. You can get into a lot of trouble if it turns out that she claims you were molesting her or had an affair and then rejected her. She could call it sexual harassment. Go to the Human Resources person for your organization or your superior if you don't have an HR person and report the situation immediately. Get it documented. By law, they have to do something to clear up the problem and resolve the issue.

Answer 9

Everyones advice is good, and you should really pay attention and listen. Don't let your ego stand in your way or fool you into thinking this is a flattering situation. It could turn into something horrible that could take you forever to clean up- you owe it to your wife and the company you work for not to compromise them in anyway. this lady could end up owning all your assets and the companies assets with a law suit. Its not harmless flirting when its between coworkers - worst yet subordinates- take a class on professionalism and get to know your companies sexual harassment policy. Then grow up and dont allow yourself to get in this situation ever again.

Answer 10

You may need to forthright with her, and tell her that whether anything is intended or not, that she needs to be more discrete in her conversation/demeanor around *any* co-worker, whether it be a boss, peer, or subordinate.

If she doesn't get the picture, you may need to keep a journal of her actions towards you and present your case to HR for sexual harrassment.

Above all, I go by the rule of *never* being alone with a female co-worker... ever! If you have to have discussions with her as her manager, then keep the door to the office open, or if it is a sensitive matter and needs to be behind closed doors, have your admin in the room with you.

You'll probably want to be honest with your wife about what is happening as well... get her support and advice, so that she knows not to be concerned when she hears from somebody else about how one of your female subordinates is being too suggestive towards you.