Is is better to lie or tell the truth if you didn't orgasm?

Question

Everytime we make love my husband asks if I had an orgasm. So far I've lied to him. I don't think I've had an orgasm yet. Should I tell him the truth next time he asks? I'm afraid this will hurt his ego. Help!

Answer 1

From your previous questions I see that you've just been married recently. You were also a virgin when you got married. You have much to learn and you're only a week and a half into your marriage! Relax and have fun learning with him. Don't start it out with lies. Fess up now, not during sex but at some point when you feel comfortable talking to him. Can you orgasm alone? Have you ever had one?? That's the first place you need to start. If you've never had one, start masturbating and learn how your own body works. (He can help you with this...I have a feeling he wont mind..)After you learn what an orgasm feels like, you'll know what you're searching for during sex. You need to know the signs, mental and physical that lead up to an orgasm. There are three types of orgasm clitoral, g-spot and combined.(I've actually discovered a couple more but lets start here for now..) Most women can't orgasm with penetration alone. Many times they need stimulation of the clitoris. He can do this and you can too! A g-spot orgasm takes time to learn, it's all about positioning. Tell him what's going on and explain that you WANT to work these details out. Have fun with your sex life and learn everything you can about your body (and his). There's lots of information on line. Read up on sex and then practice with him. Soon you'll be more than comfortable in your sex life. Good luck and have fun! :)

Answer 2

Tell him the truth! Why are you so concerned about hurting his ego when his sexual self-esteem is coming at the expense of your sexual fulfillment? The fact that he asks each time suggests that he does have a very fragile ego, or that he suspects that he's not pleasing you. The fact that he's asking you about it means he wants to do something about it; meanwhile, you're telling him, "Don't worry about me, sweeite, I'd rather be frustrated than risk hurting your feelings." Don't you trust him? Might I suggest that you speak up and educate him about female sexual response generally, and yours specifically. How will he ever know how to please you unless you tell him?

I will never understand why a woman would EVER fake an orgasm! All that does is either 1) create a problem, or 2) make an existing problem worse. Until you tell him what you need, all he's going to do is poke around down there trying desperately to do what he thinks is suppose to work, or what worked on other girls, which may or may not be true. Even still, you're not "other girls," so even if he's as experienced as Hugh Hefner, you're still the best source of what you like.

And if his ego is too fragile to accept a little instruction from the woman he loves on how to make her insanely happy, well, he just needs to get over his bad self!

Answer 3

Eventually you're going to get fed up with having to lie to him every time he ask this question. You say you don't think you've had an orgasm yet, so I'm assuming you haven't had an orgasm without your husband either. One day while you have some private time figure out what it takes for you to have an orgasm, then that evening show your husband what/how you need to be touched to climax. Once you (both) figure out how to get you to orgasm then you can try different methods to get there. But yes tell him you have not had an orgasm yet.

Answer 4

You should tell him the truth and the the two of you should explore ways of stimulating you better. When I married my first husband there were many times I faked it and he never knew. Later though as we began to experiment with sex we found what stimulated me most. Even then there were times that foreplay had to last until I was right at the tip of orgasm before penetration in order for me to achieve one. With lots and lots of practice I was able to achieve an orgasm every time. Open communication is best because he needs to know you dont reach orgasm and that it isn't necessarily anything he is doing wrong and that women just have a harder time achieving an orgasm than men do.

Answer 5

How long have you guys been married?
For that matter, did you guys have sex before you got married...and if so, did you have an orgasm?
I ask, because sometimes the day-to-day marriage routine can lose its sexiness.

The simple fact is that many women cannot have the big "O" through basic copulation.
It usually takes other forms of stimulation.
Without prying into your personal life, you should ask yourself what is your hubbie doing to please you?
And if he isn't exploring other options, then YOU need to vocalize YOUR needs and desires.

For many of us guys, it is pretty much a simple point-and-shoot and then we're done.
The anatomy of a woman is a lot more complicated.
A great lover understands this...a great husband takes time to learn this.

So, despite your concern about his ego, you should talk to him about your needs.
Yes, I suppose you'll have to talk direct about the where and the why, but in the long run, he (if he is any kind of loving husband) will appreciate the insight into your needs and desires.

Good luck!

Answer 6

It will hurt him a LOT when you tell the truth--a lot more than it would have if you'd told the truth from the start.

I feel you should confess----but NOT right after sex, when he is vulnerable. You need to tell him that it's not his fault (which it ISN'T, since no man can read a woman's MIND to know what pushes her buttons), and to help him explore what DOES turn you on.
Even if it takes a "toy", there's nothing wrong with that. Some women don't have it happen as easily as others do.

Be supportive and loving, and don't make him feel bad. It will open a whole new world for the 2 of you--trust me!

Answer 7

You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you're interested in achieving an orgasm one day, you should tell him that you have not orgasmed, but would like to - and guide him to what feels good to you. If you don't want to bother, then just tell him to stop asking you. It must be really annoying to be asked every time; does he also ask you to grade the experience on the scale from one to ten? If being honest with him about your sexual needs can "hurt his ego", then he really isn't ready for a sexual relationship, let alone marriage. Perhaps he's more mature than you give him credit to. Talk to him.

Answer 8

You have to be honest. If you can't be honest about this, then you and he will have serious communication issues. Perhaps if the two of you communicate more DURING the act then he can do what needs to be done to get you where you want to be. He can't read your mind and most men have a minimal idea of what goes on "down there" in a woman and how to make it all come together (ha ha ha, pun intended) is difficult for some guys. Sweetly let him know where all the pleasure points are located, how to turn them on, and you'll be answering "YES" honestly more often.

Answer 9

tell the truth.

Tell him you want to orgasm, and that you two should work on it together. Then let him go to work down there, fingers, tongue and power tools if necessary. Be sure you give him gentle direction. And when he is on to something, let him know.

When you finally do get one of those earth shattering, mind blowing orgasms you will be high on adrenaline and he will ahve a new sense of pride.

Be honest and have fun.

Answer 10

The truth is better. Faking it is not fair to either of you! It's not fair to you because you're not having an orgasm, & it's not fair to him because he's missing out on an opportunity to learn what pleases you. You have to know your body well & what you can do with it to have one. I'm sure if you tell him what you want, he will be more than happy to try it out.