My partner and I were going through a rough patch last year and he had a one night stand. The next day he told me about this and was remorseful and full of regret. Naturally I was gutted and devastated and opted to work things out as we have been together six years and live together. We are doing fine now but when he goes out I keep thinking about the night he went out and what if? How do you forget? I trust him but I can't stop going over it when he goes on a night out which puts me in a mood. What's the best way to move on?
2007-06-29 10:19:58 · 17 answers · asked by annemeiko 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I felt really sad when I read this. He sounds like a really nice genuine guy and it must have really shaken him up enough for him to confess to you. It would have been much easier for him to do it and keep quiet. I think it says a lot for him that he was so honest with you, even though it has torn you to pieces. Use this to get closer to him and to realise what you do have between you. Please dont let it drive a wedge between you. Believe me it was nothing and he doesnt sound like the kind of guy who would do it again. He didnt have an affair and fall in love with anyone else. That would be so much harder to deal with. Forgive him and remember that no-one is perfect and he loves you and wants to be with you. You are really lucky to have such an honest guy. I would trust him just from what you have said. Take care and be happy together. x
2007-06-29 11:18:28 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't forget, you can forgive but forgetting isn't going to happen as you were badly hurt and he betrayed you which will unfortunately stay with you. I have never been in this situation and I am therefore not prepared to pass judgement as we all say what we would do if we were in the situation but its often a different story when you are actually having to live through something like this. I think you have to look inside yourself and decide whether what you have together now is enough to keep the relationship going. The key to a successful relationship is trust, if you cant trust him you will spend many nights sitting in worrying about him going out, this isnt a way to carry on. If you believe however that he made a mistake and is worth staying with then you must learn to trust him again. Be true to yourself. X
2007-06-29 10:25:45 · answer #2 · answered by peroxide.pixie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You wont forget - this is the ultimate betrayal. Even with time you will still have that voice in the back of your head reminding you! You just have to find a way to deal with it
a rough patch is no excuse for a one night stand! it really isnt!
you need to decide what you wanna do - i know 6 years is a long time and stuff - but u need to think, hes done it once he could do it again, cause hes got away with it so to speak.
2007-06-29 11:21:44 · answer #3 · answered by Jemmax 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put yourself first and recognize your feelings are completely normal. You do say you trust him so rely on that. Trust your instincts. I can't promise it will ever go away, after all, you were betrayed no matter how remorseful or regretful he was. You can forgive, move on, as you have been, forgetting may be the hard part. Try not to focus on it it sounds as if all is well now.
2007-06-29 10:26:08 · answer #4 · answered by wherehaveallthehippiesgone 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you are not able to forget what happened and it is eating you up inside. You should tell him how you feel. So he knows what he did really hurt you. However, let him know you want to trust him. Also let him know you need to hear him say that this won't happen again, because you won't be so forgiving next time. If this doesn't work, remember that there are always more fish in the sea. Keep your chin up.
2007-06-29 18:36:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
U won't ever 4get....u can only move on...either with or without that partner....u will need 2 choose wisely...cuz if u keep an 4give the partner theres the slight chance they may do it all over ... an it would be ur fault 4 trying them again....if u can't trust them then y bother just move on n ur life....cheaters don't always repeat but most do...
2007-06-29 19:45:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
absolutely agree with babeheart. the unfortunate thing is you wont ever forget. you should choose whether it's worth fighting for, and if so try to forgive (SO hard i know). time will pass and it will get easier. as for moving on, i'm sorry i dont have a definite answer. i can only suggest that you dont keep this bottled up as it may eventually eat you up.
all the best.
2007-06-29 10:31:48 · answer #7 · answered by Fee G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U will never 4get as long as he goes out w/o u the question will always b there. Trust is a fragile thing once broken it can't b mended. At least that is my experience. i'm still w/my man who cheated on me time after time, i don't trust him but i luv him...so here i am. It is possible 2 stick it out but the doubt will always remain there.
2007-06-29 19:18:17 · answer #8 · answered by suicidalanna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey...if you trusted him then you would not worry about him going out....the trust is gone sweetie...he has to earn that trust back..he's hurt you and he needs to prove to you that he will never do it again...you say he was regretful and remorseful the next day, but i think he told you out of guilt and in fear of being found out...you have to keep your relationship strong in order for it to work, so thats when you have to work on trust issues, it will be hard but you could give it a try...the next time he goes out, tell him you will be going out with him, don't be too clingy, just let him know that you want to go with him, if he refuses then you will have something to worry about, but i think you are lacking trust...i was cheated on too and i was mortified, it took me a hell of a long time to get over it, and i took him back...eventually the stress got to me that much that i couldn't cope any more, i made myself ill with worry worrying about where he was and who he was with, eventually i though to myself (is this worth it) it wasn't, he did it over and over again, i walked out and never went back, it was the hardest thing i ever did but i survived...you have to be strong hun, if you want to save your relationship, you have to trust him again, once that trust has been broken then it's very hard to mend....when he goes out again, call some mates and get them to come round, that will take your mind off things, if he is late or does not come home, then it's up to you to make a decision...good luck....
2007-06-29 13:20:26 · answer #9 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont really think you r ever going to forget it, but it is possible to put it in the back of your mind. You need to go with him when he goes out at night. At lest for awhile untill you put your mind at ease. Tell him that it is still really bothering you and if he goes out you want to go, that might help after awhile. take care Tony
2007-06-29 10:27:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋