I was married for 8 years & my bro in law (sis husband) is good friends with my ex. Me & my ex husband do NOT get along for many different reasons, it was a horrible divorce, & everyone in my family is very well aware of this. I have a boyfriend now, who I have been with a little over 2 years & who I plan to marry. So naturally I bring him around for family events and etc...What is bothering me is that 4th of July is coming up and I'm concerned that my brother in law is going to invite my ex husband over. This makes for an uncomfortable situation, not only for me but for everyone. I know he's my brother in laws friend but I feel it's disrespectful to everyone to do this. I know how my parents are, and they will probably feel awkward because it's like okay,so do we talk to him? Do we not? I just think that him being there will make everyone walk on egg shells when we should all be comfortably enjoying ourselves. Not to mention, he is no longer a part of this family. Any thoughts?
2007-06-29 09:40:14 · 36 answers · asked by glittereyedg 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not saying he shouldn't be friends with him or anything like that. I just don't feel it's right on my brother in laws end to invite him to family gatherings. He is no longer a part of this family.
2007-06-29 09:43:26 · update #1
Just so everyone knows I'm not a bad sport, my ex husband has said horrible things about my parents and about my family when my family has NEVER done anything wrong to him. So I'm sorry if people feel I'm being "selfish" by not wanting him around.
2007-06-29 09:48:24 · update #2
Your sister needs to tell her husband that a family get together is no place to bring along your ex husband. I can't believe this guy wouldn't know that already, especially since it was a bad divorce.
2007-06-29 09:45:27 · answer #1 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would talk to your brother in law first & ask him if he is planning on having your ex come over..if he is then find out waht time..if it will be that uncomfortable then you can leave before he gets there and still have an opportunity to see your family for the holiday..you can also talk to your sister to let her know how you feel..i'm married and if there was a get together at one of my wife's side of the family i would not invite my family over and she does the same..unless the gathering is at your sister's house i don't think he woudl have any right to invite anyone..as bad as it may sound if this is not something you can resolve and cannot make it through the evening with him being there then you may not want to go..by not having you there the rest of the family may approach your brother in law and talk with him. i hope everything works out well for you.
2007-06-29 10:05:07 · answer #2 · answered by sportsfanstl1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this bothers you, then you need to talk to your sister. Ask her to talk to her husband, and just let him know that because this is a family gathering, it would be uncomfortable if your ex showed up. If your brother in law is smart, he probably didn't even think of inviting him. I really wouldn't worry to much about it. Just enjoy yourself! If you had kids together, that would be different. You have someone new in your life, the bad part of this marriage is over, just enjoy your happiness and that you have moved on.
2007-06-29 09:54:22 · answer #3 · answered by Monica C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think when you let something go.....let it go. Yeah you guys are divorced and all, but that shouldn't have to cause them not to be friends or it should not cause the family to feel ill will. Things happen and life happen. I am still friend with all my ex's because I feel like they are just that....ex's and I didn't mind if my family kept a relationship with them.
If it makes you feel really uncomfortable as well as the family let him know. A person doesn't know until they are told. He is honestly still a part of the family. He has been there for eight years. You guys divorced each other not the entire family.
2007-06-29 09:51:37 · answer #4 · answered by Miss. Tee98 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can only say how I would feel being me, not you cause I do not know you. The situation will be awkward but should definitely take place. If you do not bring your boyfriend to this event then you'll always be hiding him or the next guy just so your ex and family do not have to be mature and grow up about the divorce. If they choose to speak to him great. My family still speaks to my ex and my husband now is ok if the ex shows up. He is secure that I love him and I've no interests in going back. To my family they love the ex and he is still considered family despite our divorce. I'm ok with that.
2007-06-29 09:50:42 · answer #5 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it is a family gathering your brother-in-law should not invite your ex. Talk to your sister about it and let her know you don't feel comfortable with your ex visiting them at the same time you and your man is there. She should be able to handle the situation with her husband.
2007-06-29 09:53:22 · answer #6 · answered by CINDY J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if your ex-husband is mature enough and he nows that you now have a new relationship and that you and your new partner will be there he won't show up.
But we don't know what kind of person he is so if you think that he will come, talk to your brother-in-law he might understand just tell him all those things you wrote.
I don't think it's fair for you and your family to be uncomfortable because of this person, He can go somewhere else with his friends. Imagine if he has a new partner and shows up with her I wouldn't like to be in your shoes. Good luck
2007-06-29 09:53:00 · answer #7 · answered by Ash 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, if he's no longer a part of the immediate family, then he has no business being there.
I would hope that you've talked to your sister regarding this and that she understands your situation and has told her husband to not have your ex there. If your bro in law is so insensitive to have his 'friend' there, then shame on him....
Talk with your parents, how do they feel about your ex being there? They might want to intervene and tell son in law to not invite the ex. If they can't...then you've just a couple of choices...either take the risk of him being there and then be cool and gracious if you encounter the ex...or just not go, offering apologies and explainations to the parents...or thirdly, if you DO go and it gets awkward, simply excuse yourselves and leave. Everyone should understand, and if they don't, well, that is their problem and not yours.
You should be able to enjoy family events WITHOUT the presence of your ex spouse.
2007-06-29 09:49:47 · answer #8 · answered by perizada_dancing4u 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ah...been there and seen that with my EX sister in-law. =(
Talk to your brother in-law and ask him not to invite your EX to your family events anymore. Plus, tell him how you feel about it and you wanted to move on with your new life.
Let your brother in-law know that there is nothing wrong with them being friends but you just felt uncomfortable with an EX being there with you and your family isn't all that great comfort/respected for you. Hopefully, he will understand it and have his friend to be invite for some other place to hang instead of with you and your family.
If your Brother in-law don't understand then talk to your Sister about it.
hope it works out! =)
2007-06-29 10:01:10 · answer #9 · answered by Jadesparrow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get over yourself. IT IS HIS HOUSE AND HIS PARTY, HE CAN INVITE WHOMEVER HE CHOOSES TO!!! You are a guest, try not to have the whole party have to get involved in your own drama.
And how would your family know that he has trashed them? Probably because you told your family so that they wouldn't like him. You sound like a selfish trouble maker.
It takes two to tango.
I am not divorced, I have just been around too many people that can't move on and they want everyone's focus on them. I know your type, you probably have had several relationships and/or marriages, and I'm sure along the way some messed up kids because you don't want anyone to be happy.
I hope your bf has the sense to run away from you as soon as possible.
2007-06-29 09:45:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would be uncomfortable and honestly would not go to this get together. As I would not want to put myself in this situation, but if you feel that you want to go to this get together and its important that you do, I would call or stop by and have conversation with your brother in law. I would make it a pleasant and carring conversation..TRUST ME, you will gain more from that. I would explain to your brother in law that you won't be attending the get together because you don't want to make the situation akward or hard for anyone. Explain your concerns and just tell him that you realize that he did not divorce you ex and that you know they are friends and but you just don't want to be in that siatuation. Tell him if he decides to not invite him than you would be happy to attend..That is how I would handle it. Sometimes you just have to remove yourself from a situation and take the high road....Maybe your brother in law will decide from the conversation to not invite him....Good luck!
2007-06-29 09:50:50 · answer #11 · answered by benzmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋