When you meet single parents do you automatically believe everything they say about their ex?

Question

and sympathize with them?

Or do you realize that there are two sides to every story and that you're only hearing the one that the single parent wants you to hear, so that you will sympathize with them and validate their decisions?

Does this change for you if the parent you're speaking to is a man or a woman? Has custody or doesn't?

Do you have any interesting stories of people who you used to believe with regards to their sad victim stories, but now realize that they were making it all up (either conciously or unconciously)? Why do you think they were doing that?

Just wanted to add one of my stories, as an example.

I met my (eventual) husband at work. He was in the middle of his divorce. We didn't date for years, by the way - were just co-workers at first. He told about how his (soon to be) ex-wife was accusing him of stalking her & their daughter. Sure, I sympathized with him, but even though I didn't know her, I thought, well, there had to be some truth to it - people don't just make up stuff like that. :D

Years later, after we were married & had a 1yr old son. I heard her accusing him of stalking them, again. She said that she saw his car parked outside of my stepdaughter's school & that he had to stop 'getting into their business'.

My stepdaughter's school was an hour away from us. My husband stayed home with our child while I was at work. We were in communication via IM & phone all day. I knew he wasn't there.

But, the people she told her stories to, didn't. Sigh...

Answer 1

There is two sides and I'm sure each side has their points.

Answer 2

Fortunately or unfortunately I was the "victim" of these exaggerated victim stories before I ever really heard one. When I hear one I just nod and think to myself....I wonder what the other side to this story is. I went through a lot of horrible things during my separation and always refused to speak ill of my x-husband. I remember being a little girl when my parents separated and they would tell me not so nice stuff about each other all the time. (they are both wonderful people though) But as the child, it made me very very upset. I don't ever want to make my children feel this way. So whether they are around or not....I just bite my tongue.
After all of the rumors I've heard about myself, I've also learned to just not care what other people think. It is very difficult at times.....but I don't care!

Example: My x-husband told everyone that he walked in and found me in our bed with another man.....his best friend. Of course its not true. Oddly enough, no one even knows that I was the one who filed for the divorce. My x-husband has since then apologized to me.

Answer 3

My cousin is a big offender on the making himself look better thing. with him-everything is taken with a grain of salt. I think he does it because his ex really did hurt him in the end and 5 years later, he still hasnt gotten over it, so he makes her look as bad as possible so everyone around him will say what a B she is or back him up when he talks bad about her. I do know that she did do some bad things, but I also know he isn't as innocent as he claims.

And actually-there are three sides to every story-There is 1) Her side, 2) His side, and 3) The truth. With everyone's interpretations of every situation being different-no side is ever COMPLETELY honest and almost everyone tends to when telling a "side" try to make themselves out to be at least a little bit better.

Answer 4

There are always two sides to every story. Please stop using the word single parents unless you are talking about a woman that was artificially inseminated. The others are unwed mothers/divorcee/widow/widower/unwed father.

I find women lie more than men (it was an "accident" I was on the pill)

Women alienate the children from the bio dad than vice verse.

It is a sad story anytime a child is brought us within the home of his bio parents.

People make up stories to cover up the fact they just wanted a kid at any cost and tricked the man in getting them pregnant. Believe me if a woman really don't want to get pregnant ... she won't get pregnant. (After pill is for rape victims)

Answer 5

They talked the trash, because they felt they were the victim or wanted to justify their actions for abusing the relationship! It's human behavior... I don't take any stock in the bashing of an ex. I will not date someone who hasn't been divorced for more than 2 yrs! And if this is just friends in general, NO - I chose not to get involved with what they are currently going through... It's negative & disrepectful to the kids!

Answer 6

It takes two people to make a marriage work, and it takes two people to destroy it. So, no I don't believe people who tell me they were the good guy and their ex was the bad guy. Beware of people like that, because they haven't learned anything from their mistakes and will most likely just repeat them in their next relationship. When you are so busy looking at your exes faults you don't take the time to look at your own.
P.S. The truth usually lies somewhere in the middle.

When I divorced my first husband I was an expert in the knowledge of his faults. However, it wasn't until I started looking at my own faults that my life started improving. After all, I decided, it didn't do me a bit of good to know what was wrong with him. He wasn't in my life anymore, but I had to live with me forever.

Answer 7

I'm the "ex" with custody and I've heard a lot of the things my other half has said about me. I try not to talk about her because she's in the past but I think that people tend to believe a person and give them the benefit of the doubt.

Answer 8

No, I don't fully believe them, usually.

My mother-in-law. I always heard her tell my husband and his sister about how their dad didn't want them and walked out on them and abandoned them and she raised them all by herself, etc., etc. etc. Then, her sister-in-law (her brother's wife) and some of my husband's step-dad's family told me that my mother-in-law and her mom wouldn't let her ex see the kids and then harped to the kids about how their dad didn't love them and didn't want them. My husband developed ulcers because of stress because of it. His dad left when he was 5 (they had him and married during their junior year of high school), and his sister was 3. I met my husband when he was 26, and every time he had a little alcohol in him he would cry about his dad. I'm talking about a man who has been in 2 wars and shows little to no emotion - ever. It broke my heart, then I heard all this crap about his mom (she's a total psycho and an addicted pill-popper so I totally believe it to this day), and I just became furious with her about how she could manipulate her whole family like that. Also, seeing how possessive she is with her children (she hates me for "stealing" her son) makes me believe it even more.

Answer 9

I stop taking things people say at face value and listen to what they don't say. If they don't trash out their ex, and talk highly of their kids, then they have something worthy to say. If they are always they did this and they didn't do that, then you kind of get the picture that they are the type that are never pleased with anything. I have a coworker whose ex is a slime ball, but she don't put him down every chance she gets. She only says that he tries to get out of helping her with the kids. But since he don't want to help, then he can just stay out of their lives, and she leaves it at that. People like her, are what I tend to believe. As for lying about their ex spouse, my parents. Ha! Tell you what, if they both would have worked together instead of trying to outdo one another, their marriage might have worked. In their situation, both parties like about who did who wrong. Meaning, they both were wrong at one point of time.

Answer 10

There is always 2 sides of a story and I would just listen to them and not pass any judgement.

My Mother in law is a case. She always had something bad to say about her 1st husband and then later on her 2nd husband. Then I would hear my father in law's side of the story. She lies about many things, which is bad. My Father In Law has flaws but he never lies and he always admits to his faults. People who lies just want otehrs to feel sorry for them and they expect you to take their side. The best way is to make up sad stories.

Answer 11

Know that there are two sides to a story. My ex-boyfriend gave me the most sympathetic story and made himself sound like such a victim. I started finding inconsistencies in his story. I read his ex-wife's blog and she gave a totally different story. He is the kind that lies so much, he believes his own lies. I ended up believing her because I caught him in lies since we got together.