Splitting the Bills (yes again)?

Question

My fiance and I currently split ALL of the bills evenly. Mortgage, Utilities, Cable, etc. We each pay for our own cars and insurance. We also each pay for our own credit card bills and student loans.

The thing is, I make $45,000 a year and he makes close to $65,000 but can make up to $70-75 in overtime a year.

Is this fair? Every so often, I ask him to help out a little extra (pick up a utility bill or 2) but he's dead set on the fact that he works for his own money. I understand that overtime can be exhausting but he gets time and a half for that. My job does not offer OT so I would need to get a part time job makes less than what I make now.

What is the fair way to do this?

Answer 1

My wife and I are both in our second marriage and learned from our first marriages that financial issues can be a major bone of contention. Therefore, we decided to do almost exactly what you and your fiance are doing. Basically, here's what's worked for us:

o My wife pays all of her own personal expenses and I pay mine (Examples: clothing, hobbies, personal electronics, car expenses, insurance, etc.). Since we each pay our own personal expenses, we are not accountable to the other for how much we spend or what we spend it on (as long as we each meet our share of the joint obligations).

o Ongoing joint expenses (mortgage, utilities, etc.) are shared in PROPORTIONATE to our incomes. In other words, if I earn 2/3rds of the total income, I pay 2/3rds of the joint expenses)

o Special expenditures that we agree to make jointly (for example, renovating the bathroom) are share proportionately just like ongoing expenses. If I want to renovate the bathroom, but my wife does not, I'm free to do the renovation and pick up 100% of the cost myself (in this situation, even though she wouldn't be paying, I'm smart enough to ask for her input on the renovation).

o My wife invests and manages her savings and I invest and manage mine.

o We both understand that in a crisis (medical or otherwise), that this approach may have to be abandoned at some point.

o Although we both are responsible for our own personal expenditures, we agreed that both had a responsibility to the other to maintain appropriate health and other insurance coverage and that we both had to set aside funds for emergencies and for retirement.

We have our 25th anniversary coming up soon, still maintain the same system. I'm happy to say that we have had no serious financial conflicts to date.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Communism is a crappy system of government, but perfectly reasonable between two people who are living their lives together.

I've always split bills proportionally based on gross income. So if you make $45k and he makes $75k, that's 120k total -- so for all the bills, you pay 45/120, or 3/8ths and he pays 75/120, or 5/8ths.

The reason this works so well for me is that it allows both people to live their lives at the same level of affluence without feeling like you're overpaying for your position or that the other person is holding you back.

If you split it 50/50, then you can only live a life as if you were making $90k per year (because you can't afford more than that). He's left with an extra $30k per year that he presumably invests. That's horribly inequitable for a long-term relationship and if the two of you love each other, you do *NOT* want money to get between you like this.

But if you split it 3-for-you, 5-for-him, then you can live like you're making $100k -- so a better house, nicer vacations, more fun -- and you can invest $7500 (your $45k minus $37.5k expenses) and he can invest $12500 (his $75k minus $62.5k expenses). He's still piling up money fast than you (which is understandable, considering his income), but you're not getting left behind. And you both *LIVE* better -- you're both paying your share and not mooching off the other.

You can continue this plan after you're married, or you can go 50/50. He has to agree to one or the other, though -- you can't marry a guy who wants to keep his larger salary for himself. Money will *ALWAYS* be an issue if you do and you'll have an unhappy life together.

Good luck to you both,

Doug

Answer 3

In my opinion, when you are married, engaged, or otherwise in a romantic relationship where you live together, whoever makes more pays more (only on shared expenses though). Each person contributes what they are able.

To me, splitting 50-50 only makes sense if you are just roommates (which you're not), or if you both make the same amount of money.

But, that's just my opinion. Really, whatever works best for a particular couple is what they should do, I guess.

Answer 4

You guys are living together, engaged, and probably planning to get married.

You are not roomies.

You are a couple.

Everything you make goes into one pot. That's how it works. All the car payments, credit card payments, student loan payments, mortgage, utilities, or whatever else is all shared.

You need to have one checking account and one savings account. None of this seperate stuff. That's how relationships end. You need to come together. Have both paychecks deposited into the checking and pay all your bills from there. Put the extra money in the savings for entertainment and investment purposes.

The worst thing a couple can do is stay financially seperated.

He is the man of the house, it is his responsibility as a man to take care of you. If he isn't going to help you and support you, he needs to evaluate his attributes as a man. I have no respect for guys who do that to their mates.

If you plan on staying together, things need to change.

Money is the number one reason relationships end.

Hope things get resovled.

Answer 5

I don't see what is unfair here? If he was only your roommate rather than your fiance would you expect him to pick up more of the bills? I hope not. It sound like you think it's unfair that he makes more than you. Oh well, alot of people do. If you're getting married, what is the big deal anyway?
In fact, it'll work out better this way in case you break up. You'll have claim to half the house and other things you split. As soon as he starts paying more for anything, he will claim more than half if things don't work out.

Answer 6

Tomel and Doug M have the right idea. I agree with them that shared expenses should be shared in porportion to your incomes.

If I were you, I would get pre-marriage counseling with him to make sure he is ready for marriage. He doesn't sound very generous and his pettiness towards someone he supposedly loves worries me.

Answer 7

well, is this gonna go on after ur married too?
cuz when u are married, u should just pay it and ur money would be in a joint account