What should I tell my wife?

Question

My wife and I separated.

She took me for granted in the past. Now, we're getting back together.

She's realized what she's done and her feelings are strong.

I agreed to move back in a month or two, but her feelings for me are much stronger than my feelings for her.

I agreed to move in...but my feelings need time to re-develop; if they ever develop 100%.

We hung out last weekend. She asked me today how much I miss her. I said "a lot."

But I really don't miss her a lot. Maybe just a little, honestly.

I can't go on like this. How do I explain to her that I don't want any talk like that, or any talk about kids together and stuff like that?

When she talks like that, it pressures me because I don't feel the way she does.

I need her to relax and let my feelings develop.

Answer 1

you need to tell her what your telling us. she may decide not to get back togeather with you, so you need to be aware of that. but you cant keep lying to her.

Answer 2

How long have you been separated? and, how long were you married?

I don't think your ready for a mature relationship. you have to have feelings and have some type of plan.
I would say to tell her to go her own way and you'll go yours, in the future when and if you feel differently you'll contact her. Remember this though, she may have developed a strong relationship for someone else by then and turn you away. This is something your going to have to live with.

To return to her now would be a lie, to harm her feelings and, hurt her if you start rejecting her. It would all start over again, the whole rotten apple barrel. I'm sure you don't want that.
I really suggest you move on and tell her your true feelings.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear that. That happens though, when someone does you wrong, you loose feelings for them.

She needs to understand that she hurt you and it's going to take time. That's what she chose when she took you for granted, and now she has to face the reality and the consequences.

Just tell her straight out, that what she did to you really hurt you. You need time to heal because if you two get together and you haven't healed, it's going to make things worse. You are going to fight more now.

Things probably won't be the same anymore. But if you want to give it another shot, go ahead. If getting back together is not what you want, then give yourself time and you can go from there. You need time to think.

Just talk to her honestly. Let her know your feelings, she'll have to understand. You don't have to do anything you don't want or feel.

Answer 4

I don't know what separated you both in the first place so I can only assume it was something bad enough that you need to re-develop your feelings with her. I hope that the two of you are in marriage counseling before you move back in together? This would help your wife to understand what needs to happen for things to get better. You both need to be 100% sure about it before you both begin to start over. All past issues need to be understood and all hurts have to know it's proper place.You both have to be totally commited on making this work and understand what is and is not acceptable in your lives together from here on out. Don't tell someone you feel a cetain way when you don't....honesty and communication is the most important part of any relationship. If you need more time to sort things out then you need to do that for yourself ...if she loves you and means for everything to go well she needs to accept this. You cannot feel pressured and anything good come from it.This has to be real from the heart or it will only take up more time in your life before it all ends anyway. Don't prolong any agony if it is not there for you completly. I wish the both of you a happy life and I hope that things work out for you sweetie.

Answer 5

Explain it to her just like you just did, tell her that things can't go back just the way that it was. It didn't work the first time so things got to be different and express how you want to do it this time and listen to her too. See what you two can get out of what the both of you want, and yall don't agree maybe it won't work. The both of you got to want the same things are it won't work out again. Just be completely honest with her. Good luck.

Answer 6

so why are u going back then?? Are u planning on never having children?? If so and she isnt aware of that then that is bound to always cause an argument whether u tell her straight up or ignore it. People are human and lots of **** is going to happen. Are u ready to deal with it when the time comes. Maybe u arent ready to move back in and u should wait until u are positively sure. Otherwise mixed emotions are sure to fly. good luck

Answer 7

Tell her that you r still very hurt and want to move slower
She saw that the fish weren't biting out there so she wants back with the one she let get away.
Go on some dates maybe you feel out of love with her.
maybe you are just holding your feelings back because you are afraid she is only going to use you again.
What ever it is getting back together can't hurt anything U are already Married, just make sure you don't get her pregnant.

Answer 8

If you're not honest right from the beginning - you're headed down a road of disater. Just be honest and up front with her then it's her choice as to how she handles in. In the end you'll know you did what's right.

If there is not honest communication - the relationship will never work out.

Answer 9

By getting back together with her, you are just putting off the inevitable. You are not going to stay with her, whether you know it or not. However, it is difficult to bite the bullet and just end it, because it is going to be a bit painful. More so for her, and that makes it difficult for you as well.

But you are wasting months of both of your lives by getting back together again just to separate again later.

Answer 10

Tell her that you still have things to work out because of her mistakes and it will take time to heal so hold off on those kind of remarks. But you have taken a step to let her back in your life.

Answer 11

Maybe you should take a little more time for your relationship to grow stronger before moving in together.