Why do I need 2 beers before going to my mother in law's house?

Question

I refuse to go but If my husband begs I must down a couple of beers in order to see her.. I just cannot do it!!! I wish I could make him happy and go and at least put up a front!! Help I almost divorced my husband because she was so controlling, hipocritical, and manipulative. I want to make him happy but I really can't stand his mother and her being all up in the businss....should I move out of town?

I'll be honest it's more like 4 12oz beers

We used to live with her to help her pay her mortgage. I got fed up with her telling my husband everthing I did from me slamming the toilet seat too load to who I was talking to on the phone....I confronted her and told her that I didn't appreciate her telling the world that i manipulate her son???(she was doing the manipulating) IF he wasn't home she would harrass me to tell her where he was at!!(Like I was a dictator or something) We moved out the week I confronted her finally!! After that she had a diabetic problem and was hospitaqlized...telling the whole family it was my fault!! Lil' did she know we were there as well because out babies had hand foor and mouth disease...I had to bring it to her attention becuase she claimed her son didn't care..she turned red and saw how upset I was.

Answer 1

When it's time to see the old bag, tell him you have a migraine and are feeling sick. Or you just started your period.

In all actuality, I would get a migraine if we were going to see his mommy. And when we'd take my car, the check engine light would come on and I would indicate to my (ex)hubby that even my car didn't like her.
He didn't think it was funny. But now we're divorce and I'm migraine free!

Answer 2

Well I've never tried the beer, but it can't hurt. My MIL is a similar type of gal. She is a real original piece of work. However, I have never thought I should change my own life because of her. My husband and I are entitled to live our own lives. I just stay out of her way, and if she says anything offensive, I have just taught myself not to react. I just say "oh" and change the subject. Don't move out of town. You have to be a strong person and not let her dictate what you will do, or even feel. You are giving up your power to her. Some thing a friend told me once about dealing with difficult people, is that those are the people that teach you the most about yourself. And also, it is not necessary that you go to your MILs house anyway. There's nothing wrong with your husband going without you. And she needs no explanation from your husband as to why you never go with him. A relationship with her is not necessary if it is more of a negative than a positive, especially in regards to your marriage. Good luck.

Answer 3

Tell your husband that it's OK for him to go and see his mom with out you. You do not need to go every time. I think it would be nice for them to have some alone time. My husband goes to my fil alone some times. If I get home from work late and I am tired he can stop over and say hi what is the big deal.

The reason he wants you to go is because he is not really looking forward to seeing her. and dealing with the drama.
This is a perfect example of what I have been saying that the wife does not control the husband from seeing his mother. I can understand why you would need a drink also when your there think about happy thoughts pay no attention to her. Talk to your father in law, the dog, someone other then her and don't let her stress you.

Answer 4

You can move out of town, but then your visits will be days instead of hours. I don't think it's a good idea.... How about you?

I don't get along with my husband's mom and now my husband understands how i feel so he just goes with the kids. (she had a huge fight with me)(it was her fault)

But before than grand fight... I always had to go see her at least once a week.
I think you are just stuck. Drink whatever you have to drink and go. Your husband should be your reason. When you love someone you make sacrifices for them.... remember that he is in the middle, and i am sure he feels even worse about the whole thing.

have patience... you never know what could happen tomorrow.

Answer 5

I feel your pain, if I even think of my mother-in-law I need a few drinks. I don't like being around her, I can't even stand the sound of her voice. She has tried to cause us all kinds of trouble then acts like she's the most caring person when around others. But this is how I look at it. I love my wife very much and I knew what her mother was like when I married her. And when you get married his family becomes your family, kinda like a package deal. I will deal being around her because that's just the way it is. Skipping family events to avoid her mother is unfair to my wife. Do it for your husband and to be by his side no matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. If you need a couple of beers to help you through this, then so be it.

Answer 6

Youre really lucky in that you only have a 2-4 beer mil.Mine is a caser and she lives with us so things can always be worse. You just got to do what you got to do to survive here. Ive tried everything I know for almost 30 years andno luck. Now I know why mils are the exception to the "good die young" rule.Do what you must and good luck

Answer 7

I'd prefer if she's the one who drank a couple of beers first before we came so she'd be all drunk and has no energy to meddle. Can't believe your question, I'm in your exact position right now, and my husband wants to visit her every week! I've told my husband I need a breather from her (like forever, only I said the forever part in silent), he said "It's up to you but I'm visiting her every week with Andrew". Andrew is our son and the only thing I hate more than having to visit her is letting my son near her, so I have to go. Moving out of town would be lovely.

Answer 8

That is a difficult situation. Maybe you should switch to tequila? Or maybe you could give her some tequila.

Okay, seriously...nobody likes to be controled. How about trying to detach from her control just to see here spin. If you become non-reactive, she can't manipulate you and it would be interesting to see what she does.

You should really also communicate with your husband how you feel? Do you think a part of him likes to be controlled by his mother? Does it feel normal to him?

Good luck!!!

Answer 9

Moving out of town is one option. The other is to talk to your husband and tell him you don't want to go all the time- just a few times a year and then drink your 2 beers and go.
I successfully avoided all my in-laws for 8 whole months! Yay me!

Answer 10

I am sure your husband knows why you are uncomfortable around his Mom, but try to get along with her for His sake. My Fiance hates going around my Mom and when he does he and her do not speak to each other at all. I have spoke to them both about this, but the best I have been able to do is get them in the same room. I guess No talk is better than Fussing. Hang in there...