He only wants to have sex twice a month. I would like to have it more often but have compromised and said 3 times a week would be fine. He thinks I have a problem (chemical imbalance) because I want it more. I think he has the problem. Twice a month is just unacceptable. He refuses to go to a doctor or ask the therapist about this(yes, we're in therapy). I feel rejected, unloved, un-cared for, unwanted, etc. This is killing our marriage. I can't go the next 30+ years without sex in our marriage. I am only 34 and want more in my life/our relationship. Why can't he see that this is important. He just wants to cuddle more. Give me a break. Please help!
2007-06-29 06:38:10 · 43 answers · asked by Robert S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
acquire a FRIEND WITH BENEFITS (FWB) this will solve the dilema
2007-06-29 06:40:41 · answer #1 · answered by sunbun 6 · 4⤊ 10⤋
I am going to be watching this as my wife is the *exact* same way. In fact, it almost ended our marriage and now she puts up with it more often (still only about once a week for three weeks out of the month). However, it feels like that is all she is doing and still doesn't fulfill my wants and needs. I have been discussing this for a long time with a close friend. She asked me the other day if I thought maybe I simply had gotten to the point of no longer wanting to be married so I would never be satisfied or feel it was real. To be honest, for me, I have to say this is possible. It does not sound like the case with you though, so I will be interested in whether you find a solution or not.
2007-06-29 06:43:36 · answer #2 · answered by s1lvermidnight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHEW! I can feel where you are coming from I am 32 and before I got married I was in a 7.5 year relationship that was pretty much just as yours. It is very hard and I understand that, but have you told him how it makes you feel? Yeah, it's nice to cuddle but he also needs to understand that you have sexual needs that need to be cuddled :).
Well maybe he's too embarrassed to tell the therapist about the situation and if that is the case I would suggest you mention it or even contact your doctor and explain the scenario to them. They may be able to give you some advice or suggestions to help. I know that when some guys get order their drive tends to slow down. That does not mean that he doesn't love you or that you are undesirable to him. I think you have compromised GREATLY.
Good Luck and Be Blessed.
2007-06-29 07:01:51 · answer #3 · answered by NAY 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh noo he said your the one with the problem yehh ok he is in denial and you need to tell him that who has sex only 2 times a month when involved or married thats not normal and I do not blame you for feeling that way being unloved and unwanted and all I would feel the same actually I mean when I was with my bf I had times when I did not feel up to it or was not in the mood when he was but what your husband is doing is totally sabotaging your marriage and relationship talk to your therapist get some more advice the more the better =)
2007-06-29 06:46:02 · answer #4 · answered by bkgrl718 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough cookie to break!
Why don't you talk to him?
Or if that doesn't work compromise try having sex in different places like the bath make it all nice and romantic or maybe the living room just after a romantic dinner? You seem to have a good imagination so it should not be hard for you to think of something special. It could also help telling him how you feel.
This is neither your or his problem different people think different things about sexual intercourse.
Good Luck
2007-06-29 06:44:34 · answer #5 · answered by cjp201 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm......... he refuses to see a doctor? So he isn't concerned about this? Man, I would be if I only had the desire for sex twice a month.
You might tell him that erection problems can be a sign of some serious medical issues and he might want to have himself checked and SOON.
There's also a chance that he's getting relief from another person... ie, he is cheating on you.
If he isn't cheating, and he still doesn't want to go to a doctor, I woudl strongly suggest that you seek out a health food store and ask them for a supplement called Horny Goat weed. I swear I am not making this up.
Good luck
2007-06-29 06:43:17 · answer #6 · answered by Aron1968_30 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men's sex drives usually fall off in their late thirties and forties. Women's sex drives increase from mid thirties to forties. If you think this is unacceptable, wait until you are 37 or 38!!! Look, you find intimacy mostly by sex and he finds intimacy more in cuddling etc. By him not have sex with you, you equate this with rejection when in fact it is not. This is NOT the end of your marriage, it is just something you two need to openly discuss and come to some understanding. By demanding more sex and stating your disatisfaction in the amount also causes him to lose self confidence which in turn causes him to feel less sexual. The dynamics are complex and that is why you pay for therapy.
2007-06-29 06:50:41 · answer #7 · answered by jayjay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So if he doesn't want to ask the therapist about it, then why don't YOU? It's not uncommon for people in a relationship to have differing sex drives. However if you two can't find a compromise then it's likely to be (at least part of) the eventual downfall of your relationship.
When a person's sex life isn't satisfactory, it starts affecting other areas of their life, they feel resentment toward their partner, etc. Sex isn't everything, but when you're not happy about it, it can eventually affect everything else.
2007-06-29 06:42:33 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he can't see how lucky he is than maybe the marriage isn't worth it. Does he have any idea how many husbands would kill to have a wife with a healthy sex drive? Then again, we don't personally know either one of you. Maybe he feels like you only want to have sex but don't want to be emotionally intimate. I'm not saying that that is definitely it, but it might be a possibility. Good luck.
2007-06-29 06:46:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let him know it is a very real problem for you and maybe if he thinks you have an imbalance, you can get him to agree to be checked by agreeing to be checked as well. Maybe his testosterone is too low. I've experienced something similar although not as extreme with my husband who is ten years older than me. It can make you feel weird and put a damper on things. I've tried occasionally turning him down, which some how builds up his excitement, which somehow gives me what I wanted emotionally that I wasn't getting - feeling desired. Let him have a turn feeling what you feel.
2007-06-29 07:17:06 · answer #10 · answered by Andrea A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're normal, i.e. average in the statistical population. He's not. If he won't seek help, then not much you can do: either a. live with it, b. divorce, or c. cheat. He should start with a physical. It could also be stress, job, etc. fatigue. Or he has emotional issues. Or moral issues... yes some people still think sex is immoral even in marriage. Good luck.
2007-06-29 06:43:31 · answer #11 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋