Why are Indian parents so selfish?

Question

Why are Indian parents so selfish?
Why are Indian parents so selfish? They worry too much about their sons giving them a good life ( better abroad ) and sort out their economical issues. They want to marry their daughters because they know that Indian girls will not have any future unless they get married to a rich boy ( again, better abroad ) who will give them everything because this girls will never be able to do anything by themselves, plus, their parents will be specting their sons to do the rest of the work. Is that love?

Answer 1

Mona darling just the opposite happened in my family. My daughter was just building her career but she insisted to get married immediately at the tender age of 23 years, I even told her to wait for few more years & she can do it once both of them are well settled but she insisted for it to be done immediately as if their train was to leave the station, so what happened, both of them after marriage left their jobs back home in India immigrated to Australia on a five years visa & now both are jobless & sitting idyll. Now you will say mine is a different case but the parents in general are selfish as you stated, that’s not the thing dear all you young kids are same & we oldies are same we as parents love both you our son as well daughter equally but the problem is that you being a daughter don’t trust us thinking as you girls are some sort of burden for us that we want to throw out by marring you, we gave birth to you, taken care of you,given best of education to you made a beautiful lady from a cute little girl out of you why we will hate you or be feeling you as a burden ? You girls themselves don't trust parents & want to hide your affairs in so many cases I have seen here, you think parents won't get you married to the guy whom you love, & so you yourself want to go in for marriage immediately & in most of the cases without the knowledge of the parents itself. Mind you daughters are given more preference over sons in today's society as you'll see most of the parents saying this our daughter is very good in studies , she is perfect in household jobs, she learnt commercial arts, she knows this & that & for son they'll be saying this bloody leach is good for nothing never doing is homework always busy chatting on net or watching movies on TV,doesnt want to help us in household jobs, knows nothing ,doing nothing sleeping for 14 hours in a day. Now say if I'm wrong ? This is a common Indian family feature you'll find in every home. Mind you all parents are very proud to see their daughters & sons to achieve greatest height in their life, it’s never that only achievement of son counts the achievement of daughter is as important for the parents. Only recently you must have seen the interview of the parents of Sunita Williams where her father spoke so proudly about his daughter & that’s not the only case you'll see so many examples where parents feel so much proud to see the achievements of their daughters whether unmarried or married. So next time never under estimate your parents & never call them selfish.

Answer 2

No, its totally wrong. Parents all over the world are +ve minded and worried at the future prospectus of their child. Even you , if and when you have , after certain age would start thinking on the same track.
Only those parents who are economically very sound may not be worried for their wards getting proper job. Now every body cant be son/daughter of Industralist.
Our economy is just developing, your very same complaint would vanish after 20 yrs.
I could smell some cultural changes what you mean from your question.
Mind it its Indian culture that is admired all over the world, Western culture had attracted youngsters, but when the time comes very same youngster would not like their daughter be mother of unamed person, or daughters having drink and laying naked with 2-3 S Africans.
Is this thing you are talking about ? Shame on you....

Answer 3

Indian parents are also very ambitious and that is why they can rise from poverty stricken levels and try to give themselves and thier future generation a better future. Of course, I am not saying that they are right in thinking that thier daughters dont have a future and that they should marry rich boys. Every culture has its advantages and disadvantages but that is what they are raised to believe. However, with society advancing and becoming more westernised, I think that what you see as selfishness on the part of Indian parents will slowly subside. Hopefully, the future will bridge the generation gap. Also, Indians tend to be very "money minded" so that is another explanation

Answer 4

Are Indian parents really as selfish as you make them out to be?
Daughters have to be married off at a marriageable age if the parents follow the age old Indian tradition. Decisions regarding getting their daughters married off to grooms settled abroad are with a view to ensure a comfortable married life for the daughters. The parents have no expectations other than seeing their daughters leading a happy and contented married life.
But you must have also noticed that more and more Indian parents are coming around to the view that their daughters need a good education and upbringing in order to become financially independent and self sufficient. All institutions which impart quality training in general and professional streams are increasingly attracting ever increasing number of girl students. The obvious change has come with a change of the parents' mindset whereby marriage is not the be all and end all for their daughters. Marriage, whether to a guy living in India or settled abroad, must come as a natural fact of life and not as the only option in a grown up girl's life. Modern parents don't want their daughters to be financially dependent on their husbands or to be at their mercy. In their married lives girls become partners who contribute equally to their husbands' familys' income and overall happiness. If their married life is far from happy, an educated daughter can still fend for herself.
It is true that sons have been traditionally a more pampered lot than daughters in an Indian family. Marrying off daughters entail a huge expenditure by way of dowry. Sons on the other hand bring home dowry when they get married and thereby add to the family wealth. They look after their aged parents. Hence sons are clearly a more profitable option.
But there has been a clear shift from this age old view and parents are treating their sons and daughters as equals. And parents are no longer relying on their sons to support them in their old age. A lot of sons work and live far away from their parents which make it impossible for them to look after their aged parents. Thus parents make do with all they have.
In the days to come we shall see such awareness spreading among the masses which till now has been restricted to an educated and enlightened few. Hopefully that will change your mind as well.

Answer 5

I am Indian so first of all THANK YOU !!
I have been asking the samething and all I get is "You don't have respect for elders!!" These parents think that they know what's best for their kids and won't let go to the point that both my ex-boyfirned and soon to be ex-husband were being threated with suicide by their parents if they didn't do what parents were asking them to do.

For that reason my BF broke up with me and then when I met my hubby same thing broke up my marriage. Both guys were fed up and felt so guilty that their parents were going to die because of them.

The thing is that indian parents look at thier kids like they look at a business - how to get the maximum to secure a future. Not necceserily the future of their kids (they always create problems with their children want to marry a person of their choice) No, parents want security for themselve when they are old, they want to make sure that their grandkids are raised with the "same traditional values" that the person their kid marries come from a wealthy family, must have prestige and a high name in freaking society. AAGGRrr

Answer 6

We call it selfish, they call it one last thing they must do for their kids before they die. It's like this abroad too. Because parents there know that if they go to India, they can get "the cream of the crop" just because they're from outside, and everyone wants the best, but no one is allowed to say anything that might be perceived not so perfect. ANd why would u, u have to be comfortable first to be vunerable, and by then, most couples are married. Parents believe it's for the children and their future, and they also believe that now their kids are married, their jobs as parents are over and they can rest easy. Now it's time for them to baby their grandkids and tell their kids how to raise their grandkids and for moms of daughters to tell them how to treat their husbands. I think it's selfish too, but I do understand where they're coming from. ANd yes, eveyone has a choice on wheather or not to marry, but it's not easy to say NO to ur folks, especially when u know society, the rest of the family, and even ur concience will nag u...and u might even think later on, that u don't want ur kids to do this to u. All parents focus on is later...because that's what they're living, and since kids aren't there yet, they lack the ability to look that far, but by then, it may be too late. But arranged marriage is good for people who can't seem to find love, but then again, there are people who fall in love and let go of those bonds for monetary gain, so who knows what's right and wrong? Only time will tell. They'd like for us to believe it's all about us, but in all reality and honesty, it's partially about us, and partially about them. They're happy we married the "right" people, and if we liked who they helped us choose, then we're happy they helped us find our spouse.

Answer 7

well first off not all Indian parents think that way. I know that to think that the only future your daughter will have is with a rich man is wrong. Parents wanting their son's to give them a good life is something that they shouldn't want but know that they are going to get it no matter what. Your parents have taken care of you your entire life and well if they want a better life, than it's your responsibility as the child to thank them by giving them a better life [they deserve it!]

Answer 8

ignorance should b a sin. Different cultures, different countries. It's not selfish, it's just the way things have been 4 many generations but a lot of the girls want 2 change it because they don't believe in it. It's called "arranged marriages" & the belife is that u will learn 2 luv each other over time.

Answer 9

ONE WORD: SELFISHNESS.

1)Lack of faith and absolute confidence in their children that they will manage their lives better than equal to themselves or others in the society.
2)Superstitious thoughts that someday , something will go wrong by the act of fate or the so called GOD and their children will suffer.
2)Government ,laws and the society permits one to earn, save or spend and pass on the remaining wealth to their offsprings. The concept of legao heir is given a lot of weightage that people started sticking to it .
Instead of performing three roles of wealth creation,spending for necessacities and passing on the rest to their legal heirs.
3)Selfishness. If at all some one has to suffer and go w/o food for a day let them be from some other families and not from my own.
4) Overemphasis on family system and the societies have become so family centre'd that they turn a blind eye to any thing bad happening any other person but not from their own families.
Indian people give more importance to theliving in future than in the present .
5)Culture and heritage of Indian system of living ,family system etc.

Answer 10

Most Indian parents now-a-days are very selfish, you are right. This is because of their money-minded nature.

They think their children to be business-commodities. These parents love only one thing - money. As long as their children bring them money or do not take much money from them, they are called good children. Otherwise, bad children.

When their hypocrisy is exposed/resisted by their children, they shamelessly talk bombastic words about how they nurtured their children, and how they are being "neglected"!!!

In the Kali-Yuga, the real parent is God.

Answer 11

y because boys, the moment they are born are brought up by their parents with "conditional love" - meaning - "he will grow up and take care of the financial burden, or keep me sophisticated" and as tehy grow up they are more seen as money minting machine, than as a human being, that too when the guy is in abroad.. they do everything in the son's life without much concern about him but for their sake - eg., getting him married to their choice of girl, etc.,
He is more seen as a property not as a human who too has expectations, preferences, his own thoughts etc.,... they become over possessive about him for the sake of money ..and they claim this LOVE... what is the kind of"unconditional love" that a girl gets from he parents called then!?!?