i am married and in love with my ex wh is also married..?

Question

i can't let go, and neither can my ex. we talk contstantly via email and txt.. and have for about the 4 years since he got married. we meet occassionally and things happen, my family hates him but i love him and can't live without him.. now what? my husband is the best, and he loves me..but i don't feel the passion for him that i feel for my ex.

Answer 1

Just be sure it's not the passion that's left over from your sex lives together. Don't know if you have ever heard the old saying that says "sex with the ex is the best kind of sex" even though that's not true for everyone it's still very true with many simply because many got comfortable having sex with them over a period of many years. I know it happened to me after my divorce and took me realizing that sex wasn't all there was to the marriage or we wouldn't have gotten the divorce which brings me to ask you the same question....what was it about him that made you want the divorce to start with? Apparently something must have been really wrong to go through a divorce to start with so, please spend time looking back at why you two aren't still together today and, remember how wrong it is of you to be cheating on a husband who you say is the best and who loves you because, if he finds out i'm sure he won't be the same ever again and, you just might find yourself out there all alone. One more thing....I hope you and your ex didn't divorce over him cheating on you because if so, then he's cheating again only this time with you. That doesn't say much about his morals but, then again i can't say much about yours either because, adultery is just wrong and alot of people end up getting hurt once they find out and trust me, they WILL find out in time!!!!

Answer 2

Omg!! The drama of it all huh? She is still headed down a destructive path either way you look at it. How do you feel about her child? I ask you this because you just say kid. Not really much else. You marry her, you marry the kid. Unfortunately, the one here really suffering is the child. Bottom line that kid needs someone. Can you be that someone? If you married her I would see if I could adopt the child. Only do it if you genuinely care for the child. Then I would tell her rehab for alcoholics, or me and the child are gone forever. At least the kid wont be suffering, and as far as her. I do not understand people who put there kids last so they can stay messed up in life. I have no sympathy for those kinds of people. My sis in law is screwed up on meth, and alcohol all the time. We all give her about another year to live. However, we did all we could, but we took the kids! You see it is true what they say... You have to hit rock bottom before you change. If you took everything from her she would change or keep going on the same path. You can love her all you want but let me tell you 18 years of dealing with my sis in law's lies, drugs, and financial ruin of my brother and watching him loose his home, and every thing, but the kids getting taken away from him was freaking hard. He made well over $100,000 a year, and she broke him. He wound up with full custody. The kids well they hate there mom. Their life went from having nice things to my brother filling total bankrupt, and getting a loser job just to survive. That kind of stuff leads to everyone suffering in the end. I will tell you for a child who has to live like that the anger that builds the older they get and the pain is sad. You need to figure out what you really want and go for it, but I would not allow that child to be exposed to that life for long no matter how much I loved her.

Answer 3

I had a similar issue, I ended up breaking up with the girl I was planning on marrying, got back with my ex, remarried my ex a year later and now, three years later she is filing for divorce #2 because she is "just not happy again" We still talk and "things" have happened, but I realized she got back with me because she missed the family that we were, not just me. You are divorced and remarried for a reason, the only person who has control over this situation is you, you need to make a choice, decide what and who you want and go full force, either way somebody gets hurt, you need to make your choice so everybody including yourself can get on with their life. Good luck

Answer 4

Okay, you said you "don't feel passion for him"..have we cracked the nut here?
Ask yourself these questions.."When I am with my ex, does the conversation always turn to sex? When we get together, is it all about sex?" Because that could be your answer. Maybe it's not love, it's lust. There are some people who just turn us on like no one else. We are drawn to them like bees to honey because they are such a stimulation to us and we have great sex and great attraction and all the rest of the things that make us feel so good.
Here's your dilemma..could you actually see yourself married to this person? Could you actually see yourself doing all the domestic chores with him? Or, when you think of him and your affection toward him, does it always involve sex? Because sex is a tiny part of the life of a couple. As I am sure you know. You married your husband for a reason. You must have felt love for him at one point to marry him. You broke up with your ex for a reason...what was it?
Sex is not love. It is a very small part of the love two people share. Do not confuse it with love.
If, though, you can truly examine your feelings and find that it is not just sexual attraction and obsession with the ex, that it is in fact, real deep love, then clearly you both have decisions to make about your futures.
I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

Sounds like you have some tough choices to make. If you both enjoy being with each other so much, then why did you break up in the first place and what do you do with the spouses you have now? Has it been so long that you both forgot the reason for the break up?

Be carefull - if for no other reason than financial protection. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

We always want what we can't have.
Your ex must not be that great, otherwise he wouldn't be your EX.

What you need to do is stop conversing with your ex, and put that energy into your marriage.
You owe that to your husband.
As long as there is someone else in the picture, then no you probably won't look at your husband the same.

And think about this, your ex can't be so wonderful, because he's cheating on his wife.
You really think he wouldn't cheat on you too?
If it's so easy for him to cheat on one person, then it will be just as easy for him to cheat on the next.
And the reason for that is....
Grass in always greener on the other side.
but remember this....
That grass still needs mowed too.

So in other words, your relationship with your ex looks so wonderful now because it's something that you can't have.
But...once you do have it, it loses that wonderful-ness. And eventually that relationship will have to be worked on too.
Think your ex would stop and work on your relationship, or would it be easier for him to just cheat on you then too?

My guess would be, he would cheat on you too.
As soon as he needs to work on a relationship, he'll be out the door.
Either with you knowing about it or not.

And please remember:
What Goes Around, Comes Around

TigerLily,
you really brought up a good point too.
I agree with everything you said,
now SumGirl,
you need to really read these answers a few times.
Put alot of thought into it.
I wish you the best!

Answer 7

If you couldnt live without him, guess what he wouldnt be your ex. You want what someone else has. If he really was the best again, why is he your ex. Passion and love arent the same thing. Passion can and probably does for at least one of you after sex. Your family probably hates him because he is cheating on his wife and guess what if he is cheating on her he will cheat on you. Or has that already happened which is why he is your ex. Feel passion you cant get rid of for him? Try a cold shower

Answer 8

You can't feel the passion who someone who you are giving your passion to someone else....You need to first decide what it is you want....If your "ex" is truly what you want and you are what he wants, you would be together after four years....You are both using one another for your own benefits and neither one of you really want out of your marriages because if you did you both would have left your spouses....I think its about time you own up to your committment to your husband and either way decide what it is you want...It's not fair that you are betraying him like this....You wouldn't feel the same if he was the one doing you dirty like this....Think about it***

Answer 9

I have to agree with the kids. You don't seem to understand what marriage vows mean, either of you. And I'm guessing you also do not know what love is or you wouldn't be scr*wing your ex. Sounds like you and your ex are made for each other. Too bad you got your husband involved in this. I feel sorry for him.

Answer 10

Well the only logical explanation to your situation is, you and the ex belong to each other you guys are soul mates you need to file for divorce and throw your husband out and he needs to do the same with his wife. don't let nothing or no one stand in the way of your happiness this kind of love only happens once in a life time..good luck