Is Marriage counciling truly worth it?

Question

Long story so I'll make it short.

My wife expects more than I can give and mentally tortures me daily. I am not perfect by any means but I am not as bad as she portraits me. She obviously holds everything against me. I have 2 boys that don't need to hear the bull shyt and negative stuff she says in front of them about me their father who they look up to. I love them and want to be there for them but it is difficult. I am lost and confused. The last time I brought up councelling she said she would not go (no time). Will insurance cover the councelling??

She is an excellent Mother, it just seems that she HATES me.

Answer 1

No, It's Not Worth It. Solve Your Own Problems Or Get a Divorce.

Answer 2

Read "The Seven Principles for Making Marrage Work" by John Gottman, Ph D.

Sounds like you need a marriage intensive not drawn out counseling. We are currently in counseling and sometimes I get so frustrated paying this guy because I feel like I'm only being taught to be more comfortable drowning.

Also, "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson is AWESOME. Read both of those books....you love your sons, but you are not giving them a good model of how a man should be respected and treated. Or any human should be respected and treated for that matter.

All you can do is work on yourself and though I am pro pro pro marriage, if she doesn't have time to see even a nonbiased third party, then you don't have time in your life or the boys to keep taking the abuse.

Answer 3

Have nothing to loose going to counseling. But if she doesn´t want. It won t work . And if she doesn t admit she is doing wrong, nobody can forces her. It s obvious she is not in a good condition and needs help to control all that anger
You can try a temporal separation to let her time to be alone and think.
Use all the strategies possible cause the worst thing that could happen to the children is divorce. They suffer a lot . And think if they would be better with that mother alone.
Get counseling for only yourself first before making the wrong decision.

Answer 4

No. Counseling only works if both parties are actually open to it.
If she is doing these things to you, then her agenda is clearly meant to berate and tear you down to control you. You should record some of these arguments of her saying and doing these things and take that to your lawyer. Whether or not it is admissible to a judge, your lawyers opinion of the situation will go a long way in how hard they push for you in certain circumstances (such as an ex parte' order).

Even if she agrees to counseling and seems to calm down, odds are she's only going to stop her abuse temporarily until she is comfortable that she can do so again with relative impunity.

Do not argue with her. Do not yell. Let her do all of that. When you speak, speak deliberately, in a controlled manner and speak in a normal or lower voice. People who yell can be tuned out. If you speak low and deliberately, she will have to listen to your words more carefully.

Don't tell her what you are doing. Don't warn her. Don't give her any foreknowledge of your intentions.

Answer 5

You'll have to ask your insurance company - many do. Counselling will only work if both people go in with an open mind and sincerely want to resolve their problems. It sounds like that's not the case with your wife. Were I in your shoes, I'd be talking to a lawyer right about now and planning not only for a divorce, but for full custody of my boys. She sounds abusive. Do you want her for a role model for your boys? Would you want them eventually finding someone like her to marry?

Answer 6

I'm not sure if insurance will cover counseling but I would say absolutely go to counseling. Even if your wife doesn't go, you should go. Believe me, it's always easiest to look at the other person's faults and I myself have done that several times before looking at my own. Commit your marriage in prayer. Nothing is too big or tough for God to handle. He sees your heart and your wife's heart. Even if she doesn't want to go to counseling, make it clear to her that you're committed to the marriage (by going to counseling) and tell her that you are praying for her and your marriage (that surely is the last thing most fighting spouses want to do for the other). With love and time, her heart will soften.

Answer 7

You have to decide first if you still want to be with your wife before you seek any professional help together.....If working out your marriage is worth it to you and not for the sake of your boys then try it...but, if not then maybe you should take the proper steps into seeking a separation...Either way its going to be hard but, you shouldn't be unhappy neither....I truly wish you all the best either way.....

Answer 8

Yes some insurances will cover counseling, have your regular md set it up. As far as getting her to go there is nothing you can do if she refuses. You then need to decide if you can put up with this sort of life or if it would be better for your sons to have you two apart

Answer 9

It only works if both parties actually want to be there. If one is against the idea of counseling in the first place, they will sabotage the whole meeting. It must be a mutual thing for it to truely work out.

Answer 10

If you truly want to save your marriage then yes counciling would be worth it. Don't try saving your marriage just for you children's sake that is just as bad as getting a divorce. Your children need to grow up in a happy and loving environment whether that be in a married environment or a divorced environment......you will have to decide that.