I have asked him to go, but he keeps making excuses, like he can't get off work, etc. He recently got the upcoming day off and now he keeps acting like he doesn't really want to go anyway. This is hurting my feelings, because I haven't asked him, nor has he gone to any of my other appts. (We have 1 child already, he couldn't attend that one for other reasons, and also, this baby was very unexpected).
2007-06-29 02:14:22 · 14 answers · asked by aries4279 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
I understand that you feel that your husband isn't "participating" in the pregnancy as much as you would like. Some men are squimish about these visits, however, and don't forget that the doctor here (especially if it is a MALE doctor) is making your genitals part of the baby making machine rather than the fun part for your hubby. That male doctor also touching you in places that only your husband should be allowed---well, logically he gets it but his instincts say different. I would encourage him but not force him. Going supports you but the really important thing is that he loves the child after s/he comes, right?
2007-06-29 02:20:49 · answer #1 · answered by punxy_girl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seeing the ultrasound may scare him or something a baby is a huge responsibility and it may make him nervous especially in the case of an unexpected pregnancy. Maybe you can offer to meet him for lunch and show him the pictures and tell him stories on what you got to see such as "I saw the babies arm move, it was so neat." Expectant fathers are typically not as excited as the mom they don't feel the kicks, flutters, rolls that the baby makes so until the baby is born then it's no big thing. When I would see the baby move in my tummy I told my husband feel look there went an arm and i practically drove him nuts the whole time I just didn't want to it made him feel awkward. This hurt my feelings, I felt he didn't care about the baby. But of course when the baby was born he was much different. So I wouldn't sweat it.
2007-06-29 11:48:42 · answer #2 · answered by mombean1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet your dh is a "manly kind of man". He doesn't want to go to your doctor's appt because that's a "woman's world". He knows there will be lots of women and maybe doesn't realize there will be men in the office too.Talk to him about it and if that really is his reason, explain that there will be other dad's there. If he goes he will love it, it's just a matter of getting him there. Another idea, tell him you want to take your other child along and will need him to keep him/her while you are on the table and in with the doctor. If you can't get him to go, ask your mom or a close friend to go so you won't be alone. Someone should be with you when you get the exciting news.
I totally understand you being disappointed and even hurt, but try not to be too hard on him.
Good Luck!
2007-06-29 09:35:11 · answer #3 · answered by Psalm91 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely need to have a talk with him. I can understand not wanting to go to all your OB visits (those are boring!), but the ultrasound is completely different. You should explain your feelings and ask him about his. I wouldn't even speculate as to why he doesn't want to go.
If in the end he still doesn't want to go, I wouldn't pressure him. Take someone else with you if you want the support. Still, I would bring back the pictures to share with him. If possible, you might want to consider getting a 3D cd of the ultrasound made later in your pregnancy so you can show him the baby moving. That would be nice I think, if he's interested.
2007-06-29 09:58:24 · answer #4 · answered by Tats 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isnt expected to go but it would be nice for him to go. It is a milestone in the pregnancy that is a great surprise.
Some guys have a hard time showing that they care about stuff, and some think that if they do they might be considered less of a man. My fiances dad is that way. He wont show that he is excited about things in front of ppl. But on many occasions I have caught him in excitement and it embarrassed him.
Just sit down and chat with him and let him know that you would really appreciate it if he would come. And go from there. It isnt that you two have problems it may be that just one isnt comfortable.
2007-06-29 10:20:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah he is expected to go! That's bull that he wouldn't even come! I think maybe a good long talk with your husband is in order, see what he is feeling and why he won't come, the longest this would take is an hour and a half, there is no reason he can't get off work for that long. I know that this must be killing you inside, and you deserve some real answers, not excuses.
2007-06-29 09:30:59 · answer #6 · answered by sarah 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sounds like you two need to talk. The both of you are bringing a child in this world. It is important that the father is sctive in their life. You shouldnt have to sdk him to go with you. He should want to go. even though the baby was not expected its not the fault of the baby. Talk to him and tell him planned or not the baby is coming and it would be nice to have his support in this.
I hope everything works out....
2007-06-29 09:23:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the last guy. It's exciting to see the baby for the first time as well as the sex, but try not to force him to go. I didn't go to every single one of my wife's doctor's appointments and she was fine with it. Please try to think of it as if you were him... it's an unexpected baby, he already has one child, and he's "been there, done that." That all might sound harsh and cold, but don't force him. That would just create more problems. But, I do see that there might be an underlying issue here with all of the lack of communication. Good luck!
2007-06-29 09:46:48 · answer #8 · answered by T-Ball 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try to get him to go if you can. Its a very exciting moment and I think one of the more "guy friendly" things in pregnancy. My husband thought it was really awesome to see the baby in there and I think it helped him connect with the baby a little more too.
You might try to explain to him that its really important to you that he is there to experience it with you this time. Hopefully he will understand and make the time to be there.
Good luck and congrats!
2007-06-29 10:48:20 · answer #9 · answered by Tiffany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him if he doesn't want to go, he doesn't have to. Then tell him you think that really s*cks and it hurts your feelings. Just be honest with him, and ask him to do the same with you. Is he typically an insensitive person? Personally I'd say hey, if you don't want to go, don't go! His lolling around and being a baby about it, to me, is worse. Ask him what the issue is! Gotta get it on the table.
Luck to you!
2007-06-29 09:29:08 · answer #10 · answered by Maudie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋