my husband and i have been married for 5 years and we ahve a 3 year old son. I recently found out that im 5 weeks pregnant and when i told him he wanted an abortion straight away. i refused as i had another abortion for him less than a year ago. It seems the pill doesnt work well for me because i tried it twice and it keeps failing me. I had a pregnancy scare 3 days ago and it was only then that he started to come around. I was thrilled and looking forward to the birth but this morning he said all financial responsibilty ends up on his shoulders. I dont think this is fair because i work and i pay the bills and take care of the groceries. all he has to do is pay the rent. he then said im useless. i dont know why he wants to make me feel worthless. he is not violent but verbally abusive and i cant take anymore of this because of the baby. Please tell me what to do because he is making me resent him so much.
2007-06-29 00:48:23 · 30 answers · asked by milly 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is there a safe place you could stay for awhile? A friend or family member to help you?
Often, people think of babies in terms of financial additions. I'm sorry your husband doesn't see this experience as a positive aspect to life. What I would do is go to marriage counseling ASAP. I'd find one that you trust and have your husband get out his feelings.
Feelings of selfishness are part of maturing and realizing it's not about you anymore. Being an adult is not just paying the bills or getting married or going to college and graduating. It's about knowing who you are and that life is more than money or video games or stuff.
I feel badly that your potential child is not being embraced by both of you. You did everything right...on the pill and still this happened. I would hope that your husband would see that this was meant to be, but if he doesn't, I'd go and get counseling. If this didn't work, I'd leave him. If you want this new life, that's what matters. If he can only see it as a financial burden (and not someone to help him in his old age, some one to help love grow inside of him, and not to see this as part of himself), there is something seriously wrong with this person. He needs therapy...and not just because of not wanting a new life.
Verbal abuse is as bad as physical abuse...do you want to live with someone who says those things to you for the rest of your life? Do you want your kids to hear that?
I wish you could video tape him saying the things he says to you and have him see that. Would he be proud? Or ashamed? I hope, for his kids and your sake, he seeks counseling.
Protect yourself and your children. You are all that you have and all that they have.
2007-06-29 01:06:44 · answer #1 · answered by Peaceonearth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There a simple solution to this simple problem. You two like having sex, but the pill is not trust-worthy and you don't want to have any more kids. So, why doesn't he just get a vasectomy? It's about $500-$600 procedure, takes about 45 minutes, 3 days healing time and a 6-week waiting period.
The worst part about it is dropping a load in a cup and dropping it off at the doctors to be checked for a zero sperm count.
If you two are against having more children, he should do the right thing. If he agree to no more children, but will not have the the vasectomy, then get a good reason as to why not. Unless he's planning on making more babies in the furture (with you or someone else), there's no reason for him not to get clipped. Over all, it must safer for him to get the work done than you.
We had our two kids, thankfully both healthy. I got snipped and now, no more raincoats and no more protection needed. If he can't make the sacrifice, don't have sex with him. Making babies is a 2-way street.
2007-06-29 02:31:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are now working and paying for most of everything, so i am going to assume(tell me if I'm wrong) that you are making more money than he is. He is feeling like less of a man because you are the main breadwinner, the only way to gain back that sense of being a "man" is to make you feel like a little piece of sh*t. I am not trying to be mean, i am going through the same thing right now. I make more money, pay more bills, daycare, blah blah,-my husbands check goes in the bank to pay the rent and his car insurance. What i hear when he gets in a mood is "yes ma'am, are you going to fire me, you think you have to control everything"
I am guessing that when he sees that he isn't paying his fair share, he has to put me down to get his balls back. I dont know for sure, but i have lost my respect for him over this.
If you aren't happy with how he is treating you, now is the time to stand up and tell him. If he is that worried about finances, pull all the bills out and ask him which ones he can pay(if hes like my husband, all he can afford is the rent and insurance). Then let him know that the one reason you are at the point you are now is because you also work to help support your family.
I wish you luck, and congratulations on the baby.(im in the same boat with the pill, next time around try the shot! works great)
2007-06-29 01:28:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are in for a life of misery, as a stranger looking at the picture you have given I would say leave him and start a new life. He has no respect for you or he would have not made you have an abortion...very selfish man. It is your body - your baby. Your resentment is justified. He is supposed to love you, a man who loves his wife does not ask for such a sacrifice just to make him feel better. Apparently he does not want the responsibility of a family. If my daughter or daughter in law got an abortion and basically killed my grand child I would never forgive them. There are more people this affects beside him and you. Think about what you want out of life, do you want to be told you are worthless your whole life? It will not get better. LEAVE HIM
2007-06-29 01:00:38 · answer #4 · answered by ridder 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a jerk. It's understandable for him to not have wanted you to get pregnant, but he should get over it because you are. If you don't want an abortion, you shouldn't get one just because he says so. If he keeps this attitude up I think you should leave him, do you really want to raise two children in this kind of atmosphere? You are contributing to the family and trying to be a good mother and wife and a good person in general and he should recognize that. I have been in a verbally abusive relationship for many years before, the abuse doesn't stop, it only gets worse and worse. Unless he is willing to get some help and make some changes, I would encourage you to reanalyze your situation.
2007-06-29 00:56:30 · answer #5 · answered by blue_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bottom line is that you want another baby and he doesn't; so he's not happy about it. If the pills weren't working for you, you should have contacted your doctor or used some other form of birth control. Your husband could have used condoms. In any event, the man doesn't want another child. You know this, so stop pretending you don't understand.
When he gets over being upset, he'll stop complaining. Until then, don't expect him to be as thrilled as you are. When he says something hurtful to you, speak up for yourself. Tell him that you contribute as much to the household as he does, if that's true. If you feel worthless, that's your fault--not his. Build your self esteem and you won't feel this way.
2007-06-29 01:21:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to say this, but we can't tell you what to do. This is a decision that only you can make. I would mention to you however, that his not wanting financial responsibility and him calling you worthless seems to be two different things. I would suspect that he isn't happy at all in the situation and would not count on him staying with you for life. This being said, why would you want to keep having children with a man that when (if) divorced wouldn't want the financial responsibility of supporting his kids?
2007-06-29 00:58:13 · answer #7 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is verbally abusive. he called you useless. he makes you feel worthless, that is mental abuse. and i am sure there is more that he has done that you have not mentioned. if you are paying bills and taking care of the household, you too have a say on what you want out this marriage and new baby. i suggest you speak to a counselor about your situation. you deserve happiness and your husband is not being at all supportive.
2007-06-29 00:57:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both really need to go to marriage counseling. He may not hit you but his words and actions are a classic case of an emotional abuser.
You both need to talk about this because from what you have said your marriage looks like it will be over before you hit 10 years if it isn't addressed! If he does not want to work with you then you will need to think seriously about being with him and the impact of his behaviour on your son.
The last thing you want is for your son to think it is okay to treat women like that!
2007-06-29 01:00:36 · answer #9 · answered by Mr Tintin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you staying with a guy who is telling you you're worthless? And why are you having children with such a moron? And, most inexplicably of all, why are you allowing your child (soon children) to be raised in an atmosphere of verbal abuse? Tell me, do you have any talents besides spreading your legs? Then get out there and make a life for yourself and your kids without this toxic so-called husband / father in your lives.
2007-06-29 00:53:23 · answer #10 · answered by Liz 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋