My fiance got this promotion about 1 1/2 months ago. He has been working late (and he is really there), and basically ALWAYS at work. I understand he is tired, but he doesnt make any time for me. He puts work way first! And when I tell him that my feelings are hurt, he tells me its all in my head, and I must be getting ready to start my period. It really hurts my feelings, and he doesnt even care. For example, I brought him lunch today and we had lunch in his break room, and he spent the whole time talking to a co-worker about work. Am I over reacting. What should I do?
2007-06-28 18:58:44 · 15 answers · asked by Racheal 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand that his work is important, I am just asking for a little time with him alone. Cuddling in front of the tv, whatever. He comes home, eats, plays on the computer, and goes to bed. He is pretty stresed out and his work takes advantage of him, there just isnt enough time for "us", not even in the bedroom.
2007-06-28 19:05:48 · update #1
He's busy right now with his new position, wants to do very well, and doesn't want to mess it up.
Be patient and let him have his moment of glory in his work right now. You can't always expect to be the constant center of your spouses world.
Start setting dates with him--us time--and also busy yourself with things you have wanted to do that haven't had the time for. If you ease through this transition gracefully with him, he will come around. Don't make him feel guilty for enjoying his job.
2007-06-28 19:06:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It won't change. If he is so self absorbed now, it will actually get worse with time. Ask yourself if you got sick would he bring you soup? Give yourself a couple of kids and now he has to spread himself thinner. Trust me he may always be faithful, but as he gets older he gets more tired and more self absorbed. Slowly he will take more things that are important to you so that he can relax. It is selfish and if you don't call him on it now that you are and always should be his priority, he will continue ignoring your needs and won't understand what the problem is when you let him have it. Which may be period time, or when you are sick, because that is when you are at your lowest. Make good habits now like tea as soon as he gets home and ten minutes of connect time. Supper together. All technology shut off most of the time. It is too easy to interact with your computer more than your spouse, to the point they will miss their comp. or tv. more than you, which would be sad. And you weren't over reacting at work...next time have lunch somewhere more private.
2007-06-29 02:36:39 · answer #2 · answered by knowitall 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No matter how hard he works, if you have the effort to bring him his lunch and he drops you like that I think you should have a word with your fiance. This is a man you want to spend the rest of your life with right? Is that going to work if your love comes second. Tell him you understand that work is important but so are you!
I hope all goes well
2007-06-29 02:04:04 · answer #3 · answered by Kathi 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is probably trying to move up the latter now, in order to give you the things that he believes that you deserve. Many men judge their manhood by their financial position in life. It is definitely understandable for you to feel neglected because of that.
What you need to do is to tell him that it is not all in your head, you are not PMSing, and you are very unhappy. You need to tell him that it is important that this problem be worked out before you feel so neglected that you must leave the relationship. I realize that you probably have not considered that yet, but eventually it will happen. He needs to show more concern for the emotional stability of the relationship, or you will find someone to fulfill the emptiness.
Don't give up. You have to fight for his understanding. Sometimes people don't realize how bad the problem is until one of the parties in the relationship have strayed or left. If you can not make him realize it by yourself, you need to suggest counseling to him.
2007-06-29 02:16:29 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an easy answer. Your man has a job to do. He's putting everything he has into it. If he does well, his future and you're too will be set.
Now, what should you do for your self and your relationship? Easy. Seduce him. When he gets home, be ready for him. He'll be tired, hungry, and he may not realize, he's horny.
Be waiting at the door wearing his favorite perfume, hair and make up all done. Your wearing black seamed stockings, garter belt and matching push up bra and 4" CMF pumps. Don't wear anything else, including panties. You may want to shave real close especially if you don't otherwise.
Most important! If he does not take you away in his arms and give you the biggest OMG O, you need to find another man! Don't marry this pathetic dude!
2007-06-29 02:23:11 · answer #5 · answered by Julius4U 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Take it from someone who has been there - on both sides -
my husband has been promoted 4 times since we have been married and I have been promoted 3 times...and we won't even talk about the relocations...
we've figured out that it takes both of us about 6 to 7 months in a new position to get used to all the new responsibilites, stress, hours etc...to be able to get a rythem down and actually have energy again, for anything.
We also know that we have specific wind down needs and respect them...even if we don't necessarily like them. (like the computer for instance)
Sooo, we plan a date, 7 months from a promotion or any change - and just go all out - we call it our "restart"...a weekend away together - shut off our phones and say "HI!" and reconnect....
give it a shot....
2007-06-29 02:21:02 · answer #6 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi Rachael,
I think u must talk to him. U are marriage to him not for paper sake but a communication link between two human. I know he is tired and wind down by watching and playing computer but this is not the way.He must make sure u are enjoying the relationship. Marriage is one thing but the continuous struggle to meet and no chat relationship is a pity.
Ask for a date with him and chat with him....turn of the TV or PC...maybe worst case...spolit both of them hahahah
2007-06-29 02:18:33 · answer #7 · answered by Jerylim 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the more you pull on him, the more he'll resist. Try doing your own thing. I'm thinking that once he sees that you're no longer sitting around waiting for him to make time for you, he'll actually start to make time for you.
As far as lunch at work - personally, I wouldn't be offended. When my husband is at work, his time is their's, not mine. Lunch can be a time to build social contacts that are important for your career.
2007-06-29 02:06:55 · answer #8 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't get married if you don't put your family first. You should ask him what his priorities are. YOU should be number one.
Maybe you could find a hobby or something that really takes a lot of your time so he can see what he's missing....
2007-06-29 03:06:06 · answer #9 · answered by Alicia F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should have made arrangements to meet at a nice restaurant for lunch. That way he would have been outside of the office environment and be paying attention to you
2007-06-29 02:03:08 · answer #10 · answered by zanthus 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋