Please help, my mind and heart are in agony over this problem?

Question

I've been married for almost two years and I don't think I love my husband anymore. We've been together for 6 years (since I was 15, he was 19) and in that time I've come to see who he really is. Things were controlled till we got married and now he treats me with a total lack of respect, like I'm a slave who owes him everything. I have no driver's licence, can't hang out with my family for too long, don't even try to have friends anymore, and pretty much live on the computer when I'm not at work. Here's rest of the problem. I've been talking to one of my high school boyfriends on Myspace for the past year or so. It started out as just friends, but somewhere along the line he began asking questions about my marriage and it all came out. Since then he's been begging me to leave my husband and be with him when he gets home.(He's Army, in Korea right now.) He gets back in 9 days and I'm so jumpy and nervous I think my husband

He's a really good friend of mine, and we click very well together, I really think he would treat me better, but there's the question of, what do I do about my marriage? I don't want to give up, but I also don't want to spend the next 10 years of my life getting emotionally abused when I could have taken a chance to make my life happy. I have no kids, no attachments, but I can't bring myself to say something to my husband, I'm scared of him. But then there are the times when I love him so much my heart feels like it will burst (mostly when he's asleep) I think maybe I need to say goodbye to both of them and set out on my own, I don't know. This is why I need help...

I'm not trying to make my husband seem like a monster, but I don't think I can take much more of his verbal jabs. I refuse to be beaten down to the point of not having an original thought of my own, and I'm not the kind of person to take insults very well, which is why I've gotten fed up. My ex is not the reason for my marital problems, in fact they were present for months before we began contact again. He's the only thing that makes me smile, and that's just with a though of him. Maybe I'm over romanticizing everything, but that's the kind of person I am. I do know however, that he cares about me and wants to help me be happy, whether it's with him or not. Ugh, agony.

Answer 1

OK, you need to figure out what you want to do, independent of army guy. If you want to leave your husband, do it, but don't do it just to be with army guy, because you might just end up in the same situation all over again.

Answer 2

Don't leave your husband for another man, leave him only because it is best for you. Ask your family to help you get your drivers license and also to be with you when you tell him you are leaving. It sounds like you need some time on your own before you start a new relationship. Get to know who the grown up you is and what you want for your life.
Let the high school flame know you need to back off for a while until you get your priorities straight. If it is meant to be, he will be around when you are secure on your own at a later time. You need to stop contact with him so you can truly decide if your husband is who you want to be with.
Be very careful and aware of your controlling husband. If you feel that much fear around him, you may need a restraining order in place when you move out. If you move out.

Look in the mirror and see who you really are and think long and hard about what you really want for your life. Imagine yourself 10 years from now living your current life- probably with a few kids added to the mix. Is it a happy place?

Answer 3

Unfortunately, people change&if our partners are not sesnsitive to the change...well we may change without them.Have you tried to really sit down and talk with him&consult therapist..they can really help( Iknow it sounds inferior)But if U have reached that point where U really dont care about Ur husband& the decision U R ready 2 make is FINAL, Go for it..But sometimes we can be confused in life and need a plan 2 follow before we make permanent choices, this ensures that we are not hasty&tried our best&IF it dosent work after 6 months of serious disscusion YOU can say "Future EX-husband I tried".You may even learn something for the new relationship& know danger signs this time..AND gives YOU peace of mind that it WAS NOT all U

Answer 4

Don't do something you will regret. Always make sure your actions are something you can live with. I've only been married 10 years and we've had very good and very bad times. Almost left two years ago. We worked it out and are glad we did.

I however do not have a husband as you described. You need to seek counseling to restore your marriage HOWEVER, your husband may not agree to work on it.

If, after serious though and consideration you decided to leave your husband DO NOT leave him for another man. Do not allow yourself, your morals, your self esteem to become a cliche. Be a strong woman, take a stand to make decisions that will build and fortify yourself. If you get involved with another man now or even soon after you leave you will only be allowing yourself to be 'that woman'. The one who couldn't get on without a man.

Look into your heart and know that you can stand on your own two feet. Your are very young and have years to look for a man. You will never have a complete relationship though if you do not know who you are and how to be a complete person all by yourself.

Answer 5

People fall in and out of love all the time, it's not unusual. It sounds like you have reached a point in your where, you are just tired of not being treated right. Unfortunately, in the process, you've come in contact with someone in your past, who wants to be with you, which complicate things. When the mind, and the heart do not agree, it always causes trouble. I would suggest, to settle things with your husband first. If you have your mind, set on moving on without him, then just come clean and tell him. When that's over and settled, then you can move on to another chapter in your life. I know it's probably easier said than done, but if your husband is mistreating you, you have two options, you can either get help, if you still chose to work things out, or you can cut your losses now and decide to go your seperate ways.

Answer 6

Well you really gotta think this out. You have no children so if you think your marriage is gonna end in divorce your probably better off doing it before other attachments come. You should remember though that you really dont know this other guy anymore other than talking online. Dont leave with your heart set on being with that man cause you might wind up disappointed. Instead why dont you leave for you! Then if things work out with the other guy its great but if not thats ok too. BTW, your I love him so much....(mostly when he is sleeping) is hilarious! LOL

Answer 7

Your husband sounds like a textbook case of a controlling and abusive man. What a great way to control you, by keeping you from having a job, family, and friends. You're in a bad situation, and need to get out ASAP. In addition, unless you live in Manhattan or some place with great transportation, you need to get a driver's license and in any case, some education and a job, so that you're not financially bound to him. Leaving a guy like this might escalate his abuse, so you need to discuss your situation with a counselor who deals with abused women, so that you leave him SAFELY. And whatever you do, DON'T have children with your husband (or anyone) unless and until you are in an emotionally and financially secure situation with a man who doesn't abuse you.

Answer 8

To be honest, you shouldnt be with a man who controls you like that, it will only lead to more serious and even dangerous situations. Many of women have been in your shoes, and believe me, if he is very controlling, get out of the relationship. You do not want to put yourself in a situation where you could be harmed, and your husband shows a lot of the signs that he could progress to violence. Keeping you away from friends, lack of respect, etc. Your best bet is to just break it off. I am not for breaking up marriages by any means but in your case, it might keep you from a potientially dangerous man.

Answer 9

I'm just 16 years old, but i could give some reactions..
You've been with your husband since you were 15, I think you both no longer interested with each other because you were both young when engaged in a ralationship, but that's not makes sense. If he really loves you, he gives his respect and honor to you. Just pray for your husband, God can change His ways.Don't forget that you both vowed to God that you will love each other;death could only break it. God will help you.Just don't make any judgment that won't help. If he's a fire, then be water.

Answer 10

Where do people learn that they have met the LOVE OF THEIR LIFE at 15? I seriously thing there should be a national law forbidding marriage until both parties are at least 25. I hope your parents said something to you to try and dissuade you from this marriage and I hope you go back to them now and tell them they were right and wished you had listened to them.