seeking advice with in-laws dilemma?

Question

i'm 28 years old and was living with my husband's house together with my sister in law and mother in law. Since i gave birth, they are the one's who kept spending most of the time with my baby and it was more of a routine schedule that everytime my sister in law goes home from work, my mother in law would eventually get the baby from me even though sometimes he is sleeping and just gave the baby in favor of her. At first it was an enjoyable time but how can i bond with my baby when all they got to do was spend most of the time with him?i don't want to hurt their feelings i tried talking to my husband and he ain't got problem with it. I was like having a separation anxiety with my baby. Is this normal?i do have work the whole day and goes off at 5pm. i was thinking of dropping off my baby to my family who lives nearby everyday and just get it after work, will this hurt their feelings?i need advice please.....

Answer 1

I'm sure your inlaws think they are helping you to have free time after you come home from work. Since your MIL also
raised children, she's probably reflecting on when she was a
new mom, and wished she'd had help to relieve her.
I wouldn't worry about hurting anyones' feelings. Your baby is your responsibility and the baby deserves to spend time
with both grandmas and families. And he deserves time with
you as well. But when you are relaxed, and not anxious. Babies can feel stress from their mothers,and so you want to
spend time with him when you are calm and happy. Not
stressed and tired from work. So give both families equal
time. Maybe alternating week by week would be best. That
way baby will get used to both families and won't be afraid
he's with strangers when he's older and more recognizes
faces. Later maybe there will be an occasion for him to spend
more time with one family than the other, like when people
get sick. So you wouldn't want to expose him to that. Then
when you pick him up after work, spend time with him. Lay
him on the bed while you change clothes and talk to him. Let
him get used to your voice and the handling of him. Babies
can tell by caresses and the way you alone hold him that
you are his mother. I was my grandsons' care giver while he
was growing up and took care of him more when he was tiny
than his mom. But he knew who his mommy was, and they
didn't have alot of time together, but they enjoyed quality time.
And that's something you must aim for yourself. Focus on
your work when you're away, but focus on him when you're
home. Let your inlaws handle him, while you are busy. Don't
expect or allow them to care for him when you're home, unless you want them to. He's your child, and yours' alone.

Answer 2

If you drop your baby off at your family everyday and get the baby after work, yes, you will hurt their feelings.
If the baby is with your family, the baby is still not with you so what does that solve? It just punishes the s-i-l and m-i-l and they will know it right away.
You talked to your husband about it but the real people you need to talk to are these two women who are giving your baby so much love. All you have to say is, 'Let me have my baby for the next two hours and then you can pamper him all you want because I'm off to work!' If you repeat this over and over, not in a selfish tone, I know that they will respect your wishes. It's not as if they don't get to babysit while you work....
You are one lucky mamma to have two women who care so much about your child so that you actually can spend some time with your husband alone, too! When my children were babies, it was $10 an hour for the babysitter. It's got to be even more these days.
Just speak up and tell them what you want. That's what you are afraid to do. You'll have to get over that fear. And realize they love your baby!

Answer 3

1st your husband has no problem with this. 2nd if you use another family member there is going to be a war in your house. Since you have to work, let them both know what time is for you & baby. You are the mother. Please, let them know you appreciate all the help and support they are giving but would like some alone time with the baby since you feel bad that you have to leave to go to work every day. I am sure they will understand. Good Luck

Answer 4

Tell them that at 5pm the baby belongs to you and your husband. You work during the day and you want to spend as much time as possible with the baby because he'll grow up so quickly. If they ignore this, threaten to take the baby to a different sitter.

I'd be worried about their feelings, since I have to live in the same house, but I'm a mama bear protecting my cub. I want to raise my kid myself. Back off.

Tell hus that he'd better support you in this matter, he'd better tell the relatives the same thing as you or he's going to be very lonely for a very long time.

Answer 5

If your home with the baby and they are always taking away set-up a daily nap routine. This way you and you only spend quality time with your baby. If you're taking about the time you spend away from the baby while you work, the only thing I able to suggest is work different hours. I don't know if this is possible? I'm lucky. I work the graveyard shift. This way I spend most of the with my 3yr old son.

Answer 6

I'm having a really hard time understanding your question. What I gather is that you feel your in-laws are spending too much time with your baby. Just spend more time with the baby. Offer to give them the day off from babysitting and spend the day with your kiddo. But realize they are there to help you, and if you burn the bridge they won't be willing to help out when you need them to!

Answer 7

You should just let them know that you totally appreciate their help & with stepping up with the baby but since you work all day, you really miss the baby too & you'd like to bond with him. I'm sure they will understand. Old habits die hard & it's probably routine for them. They probably enjoy having a baby around but when they come to get the child, just say..you know, I missed him/her so much and I'd like to spend some time with him & if he's sleeping, just say, you'd like for him/her to rest while he/she can & when he's/she's up, you'll bring him/her to them. It's just about the way you say things, not necessarily how you say it..Let them know you love and appreciate them but you are so missing the baby!

Answer 8

I think in this case I would recommend sitting down with them and talking about this. Explain how happy you are that they are loving your baby. But, also tell them that you miss your baby and want time too. Maybe work out a schedule where you get certain time with them each day.

Do you think that would work? Generally, an honest, open approach is best when dealing with good people.

Answer 9

It's hard b/c most everybody loves a baby. For both yours and the baby's sake, you need to figure out how to spend most time with your baby. I've personally had aunts and others literally grab my baby out of my hands (b/c I'm a man)---and I've simply grabbed the little guy back with a smile. If someone has a problem with you calling the shots they're not worth the time it takes to say their name.

Answer 10

Tell the in-laws that they had their turn and now it's your family's turn. Then you can stay at your family's house for a little extra bonding time of your own. If it hurts their feelings then so be it. He's your baby and if they want one so bad tell them to go have their own.