About 4-5 months ago, My wife told me she lost her sex drive and has not wanted it since. I feel like I am going to explode or go insane. Is there anything I can do to get her sex drive back? She wont take any medicine and wont go to the doctor and I simply dont know what to do anymore. I still love her, but is this grounds for divorce? She has given me permission to get it from someone else, but I dont want that. What should I do?
2007-06-28 15:39:25 · 24 answers · asked by Brian S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She is not on any medication, she is only 21 years old, there is not anyone else I know this for a fact. I'm looking for a way for her to get it back, not looking for a way to end the marriage. Anyone have any clue what to do to get it back? As for the romantic ideas, I have tried. I brought her flowers, offered to give her a massage, cleaned the whole house up and down, went away for a couple days and came back trying the "realise what youve got til its gone" technique. all thats left is to make her jealous I think. OUt of ideas...help!!!
2007-06-28 16:00:06 · update #1
Maybe she's depressed. I know I definitely don't want it when I don't feel loved and attractive. A nice sensual massage by candlelight from a worshiping husband usually does the trick! And as for telling you you can get it from someone else-- I've issued idle okays like that before, but only because I was hurt and thought thats what he wanted anyway-- but I NEVER meant them, and had my husband followed through I would have been BEYOND hurt-- so don't do it! A head game yes, but still-- talk to her, ask her whats behind it. Is she on any kind of prescription drug that may be effecting her libido? I'm so sorry, poor guy! Watch some porn and rub one out :( Good luck buddy!!!!!
2007-06-28 15:45:47 · answer #1 · answered by mrs.v 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I`m sorry.. that is awful. That can make anyone feel rejected and lonely. There are a few options: 1. Sometimes a woman's hormones or thyroid may be out of balance, causing a decrease in libido. Also, some medications have an negative effect on the sex drive. A general medical checkup can locate such problems if they are in evidence. Make sure your wife tells her doctor about her decreased sex drive, and see if he can prescribe alternative medications to the ones she may be taking. Step 2 Do the dishes. Many times, a woman's sex drive is out of sorts simply because she is tired. If she is constantly cleaning the house and taking care of everyone else, she will be exhausted by the end of the day. It's hard to feel sexy after you've been at work all day, only to get home and be attacked by dirty dishes and other housework. Helping out as much as you can around the house will not only show how much you care, but will help your wife feel healthier and more sexual. Step 3 Go on a date. Choose a time and make arrangements for the kids. Make sure your wife can relax and take her time getting ready, then take her to a nice, quiet restaurant. It should be someplace date-friendly, with no screaming children around to disturb the moment. Let her relax and enjoy her dinner. Ask her questions about her day (and listen to her answers). Taking your wife out lets her know she is loved and appreciated. The average woman will not want to have sex with someone by whom she does not feel loved and appreciated. Step 4Compliment her. A woman will not want be naked around a man, let alone have sex with him, if she feels uncomfortable with her body. Complimenting the way she looks will let her know that you like to look at her body and that there is nothing wrong with it. Step 5 Keep the romance alive. Call during the day to check in, or send her flowers every now and then to let you know you're thinking about her. If she doesn't hear from you all day and then the first thing you want is sex when she walks in the door, no wonder her libido is down! Treat her like a human being and you'll get a much better response. Hope this helps.. and if it doesn`t google more options.. or talk to her and let her know how your feeling. I find it really annoying that someone said that " YOU should be more understanding" ... how would they feel if a guy was rejecting them. I wish you tons of luck. thats tough
2016-04-01 09:50:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a wife, I would want the following:
1) try talking to her, what is bothering her? Work? Home? You?
2) clean house for her several days a week - not just when you want some, but take some responsibility off her, maybe she's overwhelmed...
3) women are like crock pots, spend all day walking in the room and giving her "the look", whistle, tell her how sexy she is, stroke her shoulder and let your hand slide gently down her back or brush against her as you walk past...
4) flirt with her like in the early days...
5) invest in lotion and offer to give her a backrub, get a little creative with the lotion
6) bring home a romantic movie - not porn, but something "spicy" with a plot- can recommend failure to launch, watching matthew in that movie will make any girl hot...
7) basically act like you would if you were going out with her again for the first time..
2007-06-28 15:46:20 · answer #3 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, there can be many reasons for this. It depends on age and what is going on in your life in and out of marraige. Hormones can do this after the birth of children or during menopause. Is yoru communication good? Do you work as a team in and out of the house? Do you take time for each other that is couple time that is not sexual? there are just too many factors. I would say this. Take the time to call a marraige counselor. This is a very common problem tell her you are going and would love it if she would go with you. Even if she won't, you go and see the counselor. Most counselors will encourage you to ask her to come at least once so that she has a chance to voice her self at least once. Then after that if you keep going and she does not, find out from the counseling what it is you want ultimately, and decide from there. She needs to not have your pressure, that never helps, but she aslo needs to know that this is not right for you and you want some support form a professional an are willing to get it. Good luck!
2007-06-28 15:48:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i know you're frustrated to the point of insanity right now but, try to settle down a bit. for the time being, help yourself to relieve a bit of tension. i know it's not the same but it will help.ashly makes a good point, do your best not to dwell on this. instead, try some tenderness.i don't mean romance, i mean holding her, be close to her. rekindle the feelings before you try for sex. i speak from experience. these things helped me. just b/c she told you to get it somewhere else doesn't mean you can or that she really meant it. it also doesn't mean she's getting it elsewhere. she could be suffering from depression or she could be taking meds already that will lessen her drive. it could be the start of a midlife crisis too. be patient a while longer. it may be worth it.
2007-06-28 15:53:13 · answer #5 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that if you're sure there's no one else, and you haven't seriously screwed up on her, drag her kicking and screaming to a doctor. Chain her to the examining table if you have to. (Who knows, she might like that :) )There could be very serious conditions blunting her sex drive, and for both of your piece of minds you need to know for sure weather she's all right or not.
If she's OK physically, go to a counselor of some sort.
A psychologist or such.
A healthy person's sex drive doesn't just dry up and wither away for no reason.
You both need to know that reason.
2007-06-28 17:05:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me she is definitely sleeping with some body else . No body that love her husband is gonna give permission to get it from someone else .first of all you are her husband not her property and second of all did you really tell the whole story or there is something that you did to her and probably you do not remember that push her to look for another man.
2007-06-28 15:54:06 · answer #7 · answered by Gigi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does sound fishy, did she say why she lost her drive? Without that info it sounds like something has happened, maybe she was assaulted and can't deal with the consequences, I hope not.
Give her a little more time to work things out, be patient and loving and give her the opportunity to talk when she feels ready. Remember Love is patient and you committed to loving her for better or worse.
God Bless
2007-06-28 15:46:38 · answer #8 · answered by TheSafetyMan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
we all lose it now and again.... and yes some may never get it back , for one reason or another.... has she recently given birth ?? say in the last yr or so ? a lot of women go thru a period of just *being tired*, and yes we are realy tired.... but, then again, some ppl just have low sex drives... they are not made for it.... nothing they or anyone else did wrong, just the way it is..... and there could be medical reason..... but, I suggest you try to ROMANCE the woman first.... if she is like me and millions of other women, we like the ROMANCE that can lead to the other stuff..... we still like to be woed, if you'll pardon that old fashioned word, and made to feel special..... sex to mature , adult woman is the AFTER effects and acts of ROMANCE !!!!! dont expect sex the first time you romance, try and try till you get it right and she gets that ole fire burnin again........ try soft music, bubble bath, and wine or grape juice, what ever, feed her grapes or apple slices etc..... turn all YOUR attention to and on HER...... not for the sex but for the LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God bless
2007-06-28 15:49:09 · answer #9 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I AGREE ABOUT THE MEDICATION PART & GIVE HER EXTRA LOVING.....IF SHE STILL LOVES YOU THEN YOU MUST BRING IT OUT IN HER...NOT WITH SEX...JUST LOVE....FLOWERS,THE LOOK,SWEET KISSES,COMPLIMENTS....MAKE HER FEEL LIKE SHE'S THE ONE & ONLY FOR YOU AND YOU CAN MAKE IT THRU MORE THAN 5 MONTHS....IF YOU BRING UP DIVORCE THAT MAY BE WHAT SHE WANTS???? DO YOU WANT TO DIVORCE HER???? IF SO THEN JUST LEAVE....MAYBE IT'S YOU & YOU TURNED HER OFF...DID YOU THINK OF THAT? TRY FAMILY COUSELING & MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK. DIVORCE IS THE WHIMPS WAY OUT. IF YOU LOVE HER YOU'LL DO ANYTHING TO WIN HER BACK! KEEP YOUR VOWS....& LET HER KNOW YOU'RE ABOUT TO EXPLODE....MAYBE SHE WILL TRY TO HELP WITHOUT
YOU GOING OUTSIDE THIS MARRIAGE----NOW THAT WOULD MEAN GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE!
2007-06-28 16:08:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋