I'm always being compared to other people, and that sometimes leads me to comparing myself, as well...help?!?!

Question

I'm usually happy about who I am and all, but sometimes, when my mom, dad, or whoever compare me to someone else (which is often), I feel bad about myself. And sometimes, I feel so bad, I start comparing myself, even when someone else didn't even say anything! I'm going to a tough school next year, and I don't want this to happen...most people say I will do well, but when I think about how smart the other kids who are going there are, I feel very intimidated. I like school and being with my friends, but next year, things will probably be VERY different (it's supposedly a "smart-pants" school). Most of my time will probably be spent on studying, because that might be the only way I feel confident. But then, when I can't socialize at all, I'll feel lonely...this is not easy. Ever happened to you? I mean, I would love to work for NASA some day, but that's hard. I really need help on how to overcome this...so if you have any advice, PLEASE help me! Thank you,


-Girl with low self-estee

Answer 1

There are a few things that you should always be aware of. Academic achievement and social achievement are not the same thing. People are valuable for MANY things, being smart is only a tiny teeny fraction of this. Being self confident does not necessarily mean you are the best. It means that you know how to use your peers' abilities to best achieve a goal. Being self conscious is good because you become aware of your shortcomings and are able to work around them and that is a staple of a successful person. Everybody is weak in some things that is a fact of life if you make an issue out of that instead of a solution you'll be miserable. The world is a HUGE place and everywhere you look you'll find people that are akin. If someone puts you down because of who you are, ask yourself why would you want to socialize with them anyway. You deserve better.

Answer 2

Deary, I understand what you are saying and I have felt that way at times myself. Apparently you are young and some of what you are feeling is part of the growing process. A VERY important thing to remember is there will ALWAYS be greater and lesser people than you. Does that mean you are a middle of the road person, absolutely not.

Take an inventory of what you like and dislike about yourself. Then, analyze why you don't like some of the things you have on your list. If the reasons are valid, think of ways to change them or modify them. Use family and friends for support when you do this. Finally, there will always be times when you feel like you don't matter BUT YOU DO! I don't know about your spirital background or feelings but one thing that has helped me GREATLY over the years is knowing that GOD DON'T MAKE JUNK and He loves me just as I am and you as well.

I am 55 years old and, interestingly that you should mention NASA as I was a Sr. Electronic Tech on NASA contracts for 17 years. It was to say the least, a wild ride.

Answer 3

Remember the compliments people have for you. You are worth it. Don't be intimidated by ANYONE, People have so many problems that you don't know about.
Start studying people. We all put up a front sometimes and know that a down to earth person who appreciates him or herself succeed when they allow them selves to not be perfect in every way. You sound like you could be one of those people, easily. So do your best and some day you will be working at a very interesting job.

Answer 4

well here's the deal. My parents always compared us negatively with other kids our age. By negatively i mean we always came out worse than the kid they were comparing us to. As a kid i thought that was great. i thought it would make us high achievers. Turns out not good at all. In short, outright damaging. Here's why. In the beginning it propels you forward while destroying your self esteem because your thought process turns into something like this: I know i am worse than most people out there but i will make good grades and pretend that i am better to fool people (and to give me a fake self esteem-the ego). But when you reach a point of the ladder, you start to sabotage your success because the higher up you go, the less effective ego becomes and self confidence becomes a necessity to remain there or get any higher. But you don't have that. Instead you are afraid that you will be called out for the fraud that you think you are. Here's what i did. I had to reason my way out of thinking I was inferior to others everytime that thought came to me. I am more accomplished by far than every single one of those people my parents compared me negatively to. And i had to get the help of a therapist because it became a maiming issue in my life. I also unfortunately had to limit contact with my parents, at least until i build up myself to where i need to be.
I am glad that you noticed that now. Parents do that because they believe it inspires you and they want "what's best" for you. So they are not bad people, but it's time that you taught yourself different

What you are doing now is doing to yourself what your parents do to you. You are beating yourself down. You will be fine. You are great just by yourself and you are a unique inddividual with a unique path. If you keep comparing yourself with others and keep trying to one up them, you wouldn't attain your highest potential. Please do me a favor and talk to a good therapist about this. You need it now because it is times like this when you get into more challenging situations that this built up low self esteem is going to come back to haunt you and definitely halt your progress in life

Answer 5

No no no. Sweetheart. You are smart enough to have been accepted into the school. Show your colors girl. You earned them. I am still compared. And stand above the rest. I felt the same. And outdid them all. I had one close friend that kept me as I did her and we prevailed. Have fun.

Answer 6

I live by the statement......
i am who and what i am
i am not in this world to live up to others expectations nor do i expect anyone to live up to mine.
i am me and i am no better or worse then anyone else.
as long as i am a good person i don't care what other people think of me. live life for yourself and not for anyone else....

Answer 7

Kick everyones' ***.
That'll build you up.