I told my husband that I feel like my sex drive is low and it backfired. Now he is mad at me and thinks that I am not in love with him as much anymore and that I don't desire him. I told him that it is not him, but the act that I am not desiring. I don't know what to tell him. I wanted him to help me with this problem but now it seems like we are having a bigger problem. What should I do?
2007-06-28 11:39:10 · 16 answers · asked by Valerie T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think it is great that you were honest...but identifying a problem is not a solution, it is what you do with that information that matters.
I had a husband once that probably had a low sex drive. He didn't admit it and overtime accused me of being a "sex maniac"...that is after 3 years and having sex 6 times. Believe me...not having sex or having a low sex drive is the ultimate insult to a person even if it is a medical issue.
I left my husband because he wouldn't deal with it. He just blamed me and acted like he wasn't interested at all in what it meant to me.
Just because you aren't in the mood doesn't mean you can't fake it. Dress up....kiss on him...love on him. Even if it doesn't involve intercourse. Also see the doctor as it can easily be a medical problem that can be helped.
But face it. Low sex drive is a problem for both of you...and it is not an excuse to not have sex. Sorry.
Talk it out with him. Tell him that you understand it is a problem and that you aren't going to let it affect your sex life anymore. Part of loving someone is doing for another and giving to another. That goes for him too.
He needs to work on understanding you and the issue....that is loving you.
Marriage is a mutual thing. And as you indicated, low sex drive is a mutual problem. His pride is hurt. Pet him..preen on him...make him the man again...ask him what he needs to feel better about this problem.
IT is fixable...and most likely he is just angry because he doesn't understand. That is how people can be. Don't give up and seek medical advice. It could be depression, menopause, or just boredom. Figure it out and all will be fine.
2007-06-28 12:00:03 · answer #1 · answered by kishoti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What an immature, insecure, selfish, egotistical reaction!!
I really hate it when a guy acts like that. It's enough to REALLY turn me off to him, not just have a low sex drive.
Judging from his behavior in this situation, is it possible there's nothing wrong w/ your sex drive and you really don't desire him?
If you're sure that's not the case..... How often does he want and pressure you for sex? Daily? Or is he fine w/ @3 times/wk.
If he pressures you daily, it's perfectly understandable that your sex drive is not keeping up. In fact the more frequent and more pressure he puts on you, the less sex drive you'll have.
If he is not a sex junkie.... and your sex drive has just dropped to nothing. You can go to a doctor and have yourself checked out. Maybe you can approach your husband w/this idea.
Hon. I know I really DO love you and want you - so there has to be something wrong with my sex drive. Let's go to a doctor and ask what could be happening and if there is any fix for it.
2007-06-28 11:57:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriages have ups and downs. I'm celebrating my 11 year anniversary next Friday. My libido is in the toilet also. I love my husband to death and you obviously love yours too. Sometimes stress, life, work, kids, bills, whatever weigh on you and sex just seems like one more hassle. He needs to be patient and let you work this out. Pressuring you is only to make you feel like you were raped. There are medications available if the problem persist. Men are up for sex regardless of other crap going on their lives, women generally don't work that way. Just because you don't have foreplay for 2 hours and all night sex marathons, doesn't mean you don't desire him. You're just in a slump right now and he needs to be more sensitive to your needs and not make you feel bad.
2007-06-28 11:58:12 · answer #3 · answered by Brandy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's just me, but from your post, it seems like he might be part of the reason for the low sex drive, or his bad attitude about it doesn't help much. Most women will tell you that their sex drive or feelings of attraction to their husband is in direct proportion to how their husbands treat them. If you don't feel that you can talk to him openly without him getting mad, then how can he expect you to feel like making love. This is not always the case, but I have found it to be true in many many cases
2007-06-28 11:51:11 · answer #4 · answered by civic9497 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him the best you can what you really meant, after he had cooled down a bit (maybe give him a day or two). Between you and me, he sounds kind of insecure. C'mon... lots of people have low sex drive - big deal. Love and sex may overlap, but they are not the same. He needs to grow up.
2007-06-28 12:14:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Your husband is terribly wrong. Sometimes changes in our hormones, medications, work schedules, kids, stress, aging, and confidence levels cause our libidos to change.
When it changes, it's a natural thing...not an emotional change. (Though,in some instances it can be emotional.)
First, you have to find out what's causing the change. If you can rectify the problem...do it. If not, see your doctor. Nonetheless, "Liquid-N" (it can be found at novelty shops) really help with a woman's arousal.
My husband (who is 16 years my senior) and I had the same problem. In fact, in a roundabout way, he accused me of cheating. But after talking it over with a doctor and going to Niagara Falls for a few days, it really helped. (Plus, the Liquid N).
I really wish you the best of luck.
2007-06-28 11:54:11 · answer #6 · answered by Talaupa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is a great tool to get men to do what women want and men know it.
The low sex drive can be seen as you saying you want him to do even more than what he thinks is fair.
Marriage is give and take. If you aren't going to give him sex, then he should not let you take him time or money. My wife pulled away sexually and I pulled away financially. It seems she now asking for sex. Interesting that she didn't ask for it when she had access to all my money, but now she is.
2007-06-28 11:50:26 · answer #7 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He needs to understand that with women, most sexual arousal/satisfaction/pleasure comes from their brain. He is not doing something right, in my opinion. Have you explored different ways of making love? You two definitely need to talk about this and if all else fails, seek counseling as a couple. Sometimes an inbiased third party can give you the answers you need.
2007-06-28 11:44:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hey, I use to think that when my husband told me that. I still believe it was true.
What you should do is explore why your sex drive is low. Check you health both mental and physical. This should give you a more specific reason. Good luck.
2007-06-28 11:42:17 · answer #9 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go see a doctor and get something to fix your low sex drive.....almost sounds like you're happy you have an excuse for not sleeping with him.
2007-06-28 11:50:52 · answer #10 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋