How do I get my 20 yr old son to do what I ask?

Question

He still lives with me and does things when he feels like it like cleaning his room.and doing other chores.

Answer 1

You should call him at his OWN place and invite him over for dinner... When his belly is full of food you bought and cooked for him you should ask him to do you a favour.

He should then get up from YOUR table and do the thing for you... with a smile.

Good Luck..

Answer 2

They all do that...be patient with him, he'll be out of your hair soon enough and will have to finge for himself. Don't throw him out. It is bad enough for someone that young to start a life away from home, things are too expensive.

Meanwhile talk with him again and tell him that you have house rules and he needs to follow them while he is living there. You can't continue to pick up after him.
Suggest that if he can't comply with such as simple request that he would not make it out on his own either and make sure he has a job. It doesn't hurt to have him get use to paying a little something for groceries or towards rent a month. Keep it reasonable especially if he has a car payment or college fees.
Just hang in there and he will come to one day see and appreciate all you had to put up with and love you more for it.

My son did!

Answer 3

Sounds like my daughter. As far as his room, I would say just keep the door shut and let him have it as messy as he likes. As far as other chores, he definitely needs to help out. Getting him to do it, though, is another story. I find that by asking nicely, I tend to be talking to a wall. So, I end up yelling, which makes things tense, but tends to get things done. But, then I feel bad for getting so upset. There is no easy answer. And for those who say kick him to the street, you obviously have no children or no heart, or both because it is not that easy when it is your own child, no matter how old he or she may be. They will always be your little boy or girl.

Answer 4

Well, unless your name is hilton or ramada, his room doesn't come with room service...so just let him know, that unless he conforms to your rules, he will need to find somewhere else to live.... and then stick to your statement though.

Kids are usually the way they are because parents make meaningless threats. It starts when they are young..."you better do this or your not going swimming"....well there they are in the pool and they didn't do what they were suppose to.

Blame yourself.....but it's not too late to change the cycle. After all he's a man. Not a boy.

Answer 5

Kick him out of the house and you won't have to deal with it.

If he's not in school, he should be paying you rent and with his rent there should be certain things that he has to do around the house.
If he's not paying you rent... cancel his access to telephone, cable TV, Internet... don't give him any cash for things.... he'll get the message.

I know kids who are 18, going to school full time and working to pay for their own expenses while living at home... He needs motivation and the only way for him to get it is for you to quit treating him like a child and providing everything for him. (yes, I do have kids, 14, 18, and 22)

Answer 6

Good luck with that. I have a 22 yr. old daughter living under my roof and she lives like she is 12 with her clothes on the floor (all of them). Bed never made up, wet towels on the floor. She has free room and board, free food, free college education and I honestly think that she thinks she is owed something. If you find out a way to get them more responsible let me know your secret.

Answer 7

Simple. '3 strikes and your out.' You are not raising a man but a baby if you let him get away with stuff like that. If he was a boarder and didn't follow through you would probably kick them out. He should not be treated like a son when it comes to physical stuff (ie cleaning). So let him know that as if today you will say specifically your expectations and if they are not met, by request #3 it will not be a request to clean but to move. Be firm, would you like your grandson to walk all over your son? What are you modelling for your son here? You are acting like a doormat.

Teacher S.

Answer 8

You are the one in charge. If he can not follow your rules then tell him it's time to go. Pack his stuff and kick him out. Or if you don't want to that then you can make him pay rent. That way if you are left to clean up after him, then you are at least getting paid for it. A lot of parents who have older children allow those children to walk all over them because they still see them as their baby or they don't want to anger them and lose them. I'm not saying that is you. All I'm saying that he needs to step and become a man. Cleaning up after yourself is the first step in becoming one. Next is knowing when you have over stayed your welcome, which I think he has done.

Answer 9

Tell him: "While you are living under my roof you should do what I ask. When you live in your own place you can do whatever you want in there but while you are under my roof you should do your chores and keep your room clean because it's on my property."

Answer 10

Although I do agree with pp on telling him to shape up or get out, you might not be ready to go that far. Here is my suggestion, start charging him for your services: Laundry, Maid Service, House Cleaning, Cooking, etc, etc. Trust me he will start shaping up quick or you will have some extra cash to go shopping ;)