Stuck between a rock and a hard place?

Question

I do believe in what the Bible says, every bit of it! I try to live my life by it but at times it gets very hard. What I need help with is this. My marriage is very quickly going down the toilet so to speak, infact my husband (and father of 3 kids) of 2 years has filed for divorce. I don't want the divorce because I love him whole heartidly. I believe the God doesn't like divorce unless cheating or abuse is going on and then I believe He says it's ok, none of that is going on..... but I also know that the Bible says for wives to be submissive to their husbands. So my question to you guys is, what do I do? Do I keep trying to convince my husband to call off the divorce, or do I simply back down and let him make the decision for the family. I do pray that God leads, guides, directs him and gives him knowledge and wisdom about what to do, but it's just hard to sit back and watch him make this what I believe to be a mistake. What do I do?

Answer 1

Wow, Gina, this is a hard one. There really is very little you CAN do, isn't there? What does he say is the reason he wants a divorce? Have you discussed how bad this is going to be for the children? I think all you can really do is pray, and trust that God's will be done. Maybe God has plan for you that doesn't involve your husband, in fact cannot be effectuated while your husband is part of your life. That thought is a solace of sorts, but this is still very hard for you. And it is going to be even harder for the kids. I guess in the last analysis, you have to go along with it. You can contest the terms of the divorce, but if he is intent upon accomplishing it, you cannot contest the divorce itself. Listen. I will pray for you. I am sure that all of us here will do that, at the very least. Feel free to contact me if you need any legal advice about the divorce, because I am in that profession. I will give you what advice I can give. Talk to your husband. Maybe you can get him to change his mind. But if you can't, you are going to just have to make the best of it. Call on me if you need any help.

Answer 2

Obviously he isn't a Christian... this may be the problem. If he wants to live it up and you are getting in the way, then let him go. You should keep praying and trying but do so semi-passively.

I went to seminary for a bit and there are a lot of schools of thought on this. The short and skinny of it is that if he is determined to go, he will. If he sleeps around you are free to remarry and I suggest that you do.

Don't let the pain and anger cause you to turn you back on God. That's what happened to me. Find a good person to follow God with and let your hubby find his own path, if he demands it. Otherwise you have some effect of righteousness on him. I am not sure how that works, but the Bible says that he gets some kind of favor while he is married to a Christian.

With all the respect in the world, I have to ask if you are a prude in bed because of your faith. Many women believe that oral sex and being wild with your husband is ungodly and there is NO biblical evidence to support this. If you aren't rocking his world in this respect, you might want to rethink your approach.

You must and can keep sex Godly, but that doesn't mean you can't have a enormous amount of wild fun in bed...

I ask about the bedroom because most religious women I know are prudes and use God as a pathetic excuse to be sexually lazy. God expects you to meet his needs. He created sex...

You seem nice, but I would not stay with a woman who used God for such selfish reasons.

I have to add that I am sure your husband has already stated his case and has requested some form of change from you and you did not acquiesce. As a Christian the responsibility for change is on your shoulders.

Answer 3

You've already prayed that God leads, guides and directs him and his decisions. Now repeat the serenity prayer for yourself. You can't make someone do what they don't want to do, it's a matter of choice and that is in the bible too. If your husband stays and his heart is not in it, you could have a worse situation on your hands.
If your husband is adamant, then go get yourself a divorce lawyer and be as strong as you can without him. And may your faith keep you strong during this trying time.

Answer 4

You can't make someone want to stay married, I tried it doesn't work. Even if he stays now it will evnetually end that way UNLESS.....both of you seek some help. Try some counseling, if he refuses, give him his divorce and move on with your life. I don't believe in divorces myself, but if he is unhappy in the marriage, it is not any better for the children to watch their parents in an unhappy relatioinship.

Answer 5

get a good lawyer and get a divorce. Take him for all he's got (you'll be in good company, that's what happens in 9 out of 10 divorces anyhow) and move on.

With an attitude like yours, you ought to be able to find another man to be submissive to if the child support payments aren't big enough.

Answer 6

I think if you sit back and open your ears you will hear God telling you what to do,

Your husband is obviously unhappy, and other than what you say we dont know what is going on with your life, how you act together etc,, there are always too many unknowns when someone wants advice,,

Answer 7

the bible also says to let the unbeliever go...
now, i am not saying that he is an unbeliever, but, apparantly he does not hold as fast to the bible as you do...
i think that i would try to talk him into a separation first, then, if things don't change his mind, well, let him go.
you don't say why he wants the divorce and it is hard to discern just why he wants it.
if he has already filed, it will be difficult to talk him into changing his mind

Answer 8

There is a lot of things that is said in the Bible, " Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I have an Idea, ASK YOUR HUSBAND WHY HE WANTS A DIVORCE. LISTEN TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY, AND TAKE RESPONIBILITY FOR YOUR PART IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. BOTH PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP ARE 100% RESPONBLE FOR THEIR 50%, THIS IS NOT ABOUIT BLAME IT IS ABOUT ACCOUNTABILITY HOW ACCOUNTABLE ARE YOU WILLING TO BE?

Answer 9

You can always contest the divorce.

Why is he filing after 2 years?

Answer 10

Give him some space and time to see life without you. You can't make someone stay or make them love you. Let him see what he could be missing......