Do you ever get over the betrayal?

Question

My husband cheated on me 2 months ago the fling only lasted 3 weeks, we are working on getting our lives back together, and we have not talked so much since we first started to date .and i am trying to move on trying to get over it but sometimes i just so depressed that it ever happened and i cry and it affects everything i do . i don't know what to do anymore

Answer 1

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU, WHY ARE YOU DEPRESSED ? HIS ACTIONS SAYS NOTHING ABOUT YOU, IT SAYS EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. YOU CAN CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY, YOU CAN THINK DIFFERENTLY, WHICH WILL MAKE YOU FEEL DIFFERENTLY. SOMEWHERE IN YOUR THINKING IS BLAME UPON YOURSELF, THATS WHAT YOUY HAVE TO GET OVER. YOU NEED TO GET SOME SPUNK, STAND UP RIGHT NOW AND SHOUT TO THE WORLD, I AM BEAUITFUL, I AM GORGEOUS. ANY MAN WOULD BE BLESSED TO HAVE ME IN THEIR LIFE. I AM WONDERFUL, I AM SEXY, I AM DESIRABLE, I AM THRILLED TO BE ALIVE AND HAPPY TO BE ME. DO THIS OFTEN. REMEMBER THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

You didn't say if you are still together. Speaking from someone who has gone through this same situation I can tell you that you will never get over it. Once the trust is gone from any relationship, no matter what anyone says or does it never comes back. Even if you try and work it out and you tell yourself that you can forgive, you don't. Eventually it eats at you so much that you have a hard time focusing on anything else. I stayed with my husband for 17 years and he cheated on me a few times. It never was the same after I found out the first time. I lived a life like I was walking on egg shells. Always wondering if or when it was going to happen again. My advice to you is get on with your life. You deserve better than this man. He doesn't love you because if he did, he would never have strayed. One day you will find that right person who will treat you the way you want to be treated and deserve to be treated. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

It's easy for everyone else to say leave him, but this is your marriage, and you are doing your best to work through this. No one else can tell you what to do for the best. If you feel this can be salvaged, you go for it.

The fact that you are talking so much now is certainly a good thing. The lack of communication may have been a factor in his cheating. Unfortunately you are just going to have to deal with the horrible feelings that will keep on coming. This is still very raw and very recent. Talking it over and working out exactly why he did what he did, what was going wrong in the marriage, and working out a way forward is the only thing you can do.

Just keep doing what you are doing. As long as he is bending over backwards on his part to put this right, you can only hope that time will heal. You can forgive, but you can never really forget. Just hope that you can trust him never to do this again.

Time is a great healer, but if things don't start getting easier soon, you are in danger of getting into serious depression, and you will end up on medication. Is this something you are prepared to endure? Be realistic with yourself. Don't let this drag on too long before it starts getting better. Perhaps if things get too much with him around, it might be better if he moved out for a while to give you time to heal properly.

Answer 4

You will never get over it completely, and you will never trust him completely. That's just a fact of life. It DOES get easier though. My husband cheated on me 4 years ago. It took 2 1/2 years for me to stop agonizing over what they did together.....and the lies and the betrayel. It was the most hurtful thing I have ever been through. It DOES get better though. If he is honestly remoresfull, and he truly understands your pain, your marriage can be saved. He also needs to understand that the trust is broken.....and HE did it. He doesn't have the right to be pissed at you when you question him about something you are worried about.
Most affairs and flings are only about sex to guys. Don't take it personally......although us women have a hard time understanding that.
If he EVER does this again, you will know that it's the kind of man he is......then it's time to go.

Answer 5

You can forgive a person but you can NEVER forget what he has done. You should try to seeking counseling from the pastor of your church. It will take two people working together to move on. If he is not giving you the support that you need then you know what you will have to do. It may be scary at first but you will get through it with the help of GOD and your family.

Answer 6

I left my husband back in october of '05. we have a son together and he cheated on me when I was pregnant. I never got over it, I caught him in many, many more lies. Over the past year he has been calling me asking me to get back together with him and telling me constantly he loves me and our son and wants to be a family again. I was contacted by his "fiance" two nights ago and had no idea she even existed. She's been in the picture for 8 months and he's taking care of her 8 months old (he came into the picture when the baby was like 2 weeks old!) it's like pulling teeth to get him to take care of his own. I should mention they are getting married in less than two months and we are still legally married!!!! They never change! You can do better, you will never trust him again and you will find yourself obsessed with checking out what he says he's doing. I've wasted too long with my husband.

Answer 7

Sorry to hear you've gone through such heartache. It's really up to your husband to earn back your trust. If he can do that, eventually you can get over the betrayal. Meanwhile, decide if you really want to stay in this relationship. The question to ask yourself is..."Can I handle it if he cheats again, will I be devastated?" If you know you'd fall apart and be crushed, maybe you should think twice about hanging in with him.

Answer 8

Unless your husband is a super, great guy, you won't get over it. He wrecked things by doing what he did. One consequence is that you will never feel the same about him. Don't be so hard on yourself. You did not cause this and did not make him lie and cheat. He's a loser. You are a winner. Look in to the mirror and tell yourself that you are a winner and you didn't cause this.

Answer 9

It's your choice to leave or be strong and stick it out. Cheating hurts, it'll always be in the back of your head and makes people insecure. If it's going to haunt you, you can try to get counseling or leave for awhile to a close relative or friend. Then think w/o your heart (very hard to do) but really focus on the pro and cons if you stay or leave. My heart cries for you :(

Answer 10

I would normally agree with the first answerer but since you say that the two of you are really talking this might be different. Question: Is it the two of you who are talking or is one listening while the other talks? I think it would be wise for the two of you to be counseled just to be sure the right questions are asked and answered. Good luck!

Answer 11

it takes a very strong woman to try to keep her marriage together once her husband has cheated. it will seem like forever until you are able to trust him again.
i know a few people who survived this kind of betrayal...and are happy today.
i never could...i don't have it in me to do that, but it CAN be done...all is not lost, just broken...there will be a scar that will eventually fade, given time.