My husband just caught me cheating?

Question

by looking at my text mess. and call log on my phone. The "other" man and I are just friends and talk on the phone a lot. We no longer sleep together(its been 10 months since the last time) or see eachother much but there still is some physical attraction there and it shows in the texts. Now my husband is constantly asking me if I talked to this man. I say no but he doesn't believe me. I am still talking to him. My husband is always looking over my shoulder. I can't use the computer or cell phone in his presence because he gets suspicious. I love my husband but he refuses to take any responsibiilty for this. marriage is a two-way street and our 15 year marriage has not been good. I am not in love with this other man but we have become great friends in the past year and a half. We are both married with children. What should I do? Separate? work it out?

Answer 1

I'm old school.

I say work it out...

As you say it is a 2-way street and
unless he's willing you can't really do anything about it.

goodluck to you.

Answer 2

#1. WHY are you talking to someone that you screwed around with when you are married
#2. Why would you be so Mean to your husband to put him through that
#3. Do you not think your husband has feelings
#4 How would you like it if he was with another female then just tell you just talking or lie and say we not seeing or talking to each other??
#5.You sound like a very mean person
#6 He has the right to look over your shoulder because YOU can not be trusted YOU put Females in a Bad category
#7.You wasn't thinking about 2 way when you messed with this other man so Now you want it 2 way huh Of course now that you are the Fault;
#7. what are YOU teaching your children when you don't want to mess with the man you have just go find another Yeah That's Marriage that's the way it works .
YOU should be ashamed of your self
YOU should NOT be Talking to him at all He is a thorn in your husbands side that YOU alone put there

Answer 3

It is really sad to hear that a relationship as long as you have been in is resulting in a quick fix affair. You talk about your husband not trusting you and looking over your shoulder, well you're still talking to your lover, so he has a reason to be suspicious. The games that you are playing is a very dangerous one. I would find a solution really fast. if you don't want to be with your husband anymore, then try for an amicable divorce, but don't ask for any financial compensation, especially since the divorce will be due to your acts of adultry. But I want to give you some factual information there are people who are no longer physically able to walk the earth anymore for doing the same thing you are doing and for less. All I can say is get it together.

Answer 4

First of all, don't try to push this off as your husbands fault. Regardless of anything, cheating is NEVER ok. It doesn't matter whe you guys last had sex and you're just 'great friends'. You cheated on your husband with this man and you should not be talking to him period. You should have been - and only been - great friends from the beginning but, you just had to go and cross the line. It's your fault, not your husbands. I wouldn't trust you either if I was him and personally, I think you guys should get divorced. He deserves a lot better.

You say that you love your husband but, if you really loved him, you never would have cheated. As for him refusing to take responsibility - He doesn't have to. YOU did this. If there was a problem in your marriage, you should have talked to him about it and tried to work it out. What's left to fix now? You went and slept with another man and you've lost your husbands trust.

Answer 5

First, if you love your husband stop talking/texting the other guy right now. If you don't love him anymore, why are you still together?

Second, why should your husband take responsibility for YOUR cheating? Yes, marriage is a two way street, marriage problems are an excuse for sorting things out, not an excuse for cheating.

Sounds to me that he's suspicious for a very good reason, and you're never going to be able to convince him otherwise. I'll also bet that he's a lot more technology minded than you are. Oooops.

Answer 6

The first thing you need to do is stop making excuses and start taking responsibility for what you've done.
Of course your husband doesn't trust you and is constantly looking over your shoulder, you have cheated on him and are continuing to lie to him about having contact with this other guy.
And if your marriage has "not been good" for 15 years, the thing to do would have been to work on improving your relationship with your husband, not to go out banging someone else. So don't even trot out that old tired excuse.

If you truly want to work on your marriage, cut off all contact to your fu ck buddy. Never mind about how he's such a great friend to you, he is a cheater like you and you don't need "friends" like that in your life. Seek couples counselling with your husband immediately. That will go a long way towards showing him that you are serious about wanting to stop being a skank. This is what you must convince him of if you want to have any chance of him forgiving you.

Answer 7

"I love my husband but he refuses to take any responsibiilty for this. marriage is a two-way street and our 15 year marriage has not been good."

Uh, why should he take necessarily take responsibility for this? You said you would marry the man when he asked and you broke the vows, no him; so it's hardly his fault for keeping you under lock and key. Or are you one of those girls who is into leather and chains?

This is your fault, simple as that. If you're on the rocks about whether you should work this out with him (the fact you came to the internet to ask this question puts in doubt) then just opt for the divorce. Quit straggling the poor guy along.

Answer 8

Although marriage is a two way street, it appears as though you have yet to take responsibility for your part. Otherwise, the first thing you said would not have been about his not taking responsibility.
In that it does take two to tango, the first step for you is to look at why you got into this other relationship without blaming your husband. YOU made the choice, not him. Things might have been, and it sounds like they still are, not so good between the two of you. However, you owe it to both of you to understand yourself first.
I believe it is possible to love more than one person, but when you make a marital commitment, you are supposed to stick to that commitment.
Do yourself and him a favor. Seek counseling (both individual and marital) and attempt to gain a larger perspective of the situation.
I have faced the same thing regrading my marriage as my wife invited a friend she met on the internet to visit her her in Indiana. he traveled from England to see her. Although I was invited to "go out" with them I declined and the two of them ended up going to dinner and staying out until well past 3AM. I KNOW what happened, she denies it.
Do you marriage and your self a favor. own up to what has happened and if you want to save your marriage, do all that you can to do so. If not, move on now without hurting him anymore.
I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but as I said, I have been there.
I think you probably already know what choice you want to make. Stop looking for the answers that will reinforce what you want to hear and seek counseling now!

Answer 9

No no. Marriage is not a two way street. It takes two to make a marriage, but it takes ONE to single handedly wreck a marriage. It sounds like you chose to wreck the marriage with this affair and now you are wondering why he's sooo hurt and so suspicious? Oh boy. Some day someone is going to do this to you and you will understand what you've done. Till then, stop lying to the man! Tell him that you cannot let go of your affair lover. Tell him he is not wrong to be suspicious of you. Be honest for a change. You brought this on yourself, sadly.

Answer 10

Yeah, marriage is a 2-way street but when the street turns into a 1-way that doesn't justify cheating. YOU and only you are responsible for your actions of cheating and continuing to lie about contacting the guy.

Definitely leave him...he's no longer a good match for you and instead of either fixing the marriage or ending it when you decided there was a problem, you decided to cheat.

What goes around, comes around...remember, if it happens to you, you've no right to biotch about it AND you will have a karmic balance to work on at some point. Good luck to you...you'll probably need it.

Answer 11

You slept with another man, regardless if its still happening or not your husband has every right to be concerned about if you are talking to him or not. You're lying about talking to him now to your husband. Marriage is a two way street, but when something is bad, going out and doing something bad isnt going to make it better. You need to come clean about everything, and talk to your husband. Only the two of you can decide the fate of your marriage after all the facts are out.