Can you help me make this a better paragraph?

Question

PLEASE HELP!

Throughout the novel, I have noticed that Socrates doesn’t change in area of physical toughness. His physical ability remains the same. Mr. Lomax from Cherry Hill Developers sends two African American to empty out Socrates apartment because Socrates was living there illegally. When Socrates saw these men’s throwing his sofa and he had tears in his eyes as he approached. Socrates said to them “you lookin’ to be two dead men” you better get out of here before he was more angrier. Once again, Socrates was an underdog and was twice older than these mens. The men started attacking Socrates but Socrates grabbed by his hair and threw him into the ground. Socrates then picked up the steel pipe that was in his yard and told them to get out from here and he warned them to stay away. We can see how strong Socrates is even when is old. Nothing has changed in his physical toughness. He is not afraid of anyone and believes he is the strongest in LA.

Answer 1

If you are to do a paragraph, NEVER say "Throughout the novel" because that's obvious enough. It's best to not use the pronouns "I" or "you" you might get marked down for that...just state, The Socrates does not change .... Also, you should not use contradictions so instead of doesn't you would say does not, instead of isn't you would say is not. Helpful? These are all tips that I got for my Honors English class. Also, try to get a stronger topic sentence and don't forget about your thesis at the very end of the paragraph. It must be an arguable statement which is your opinion which you will prove later on.

Answer 2

Re-write:
Throughout the novel, I note that Socrates never changes in the matter of physical toughness. His physical ability remains the same. Mr. Lomax from Cherry Hill Developers sends two African Americans to empty out Socrates apartment, because Socrates was living there illegally. When Socrates saw these men throwing his sofa out, he had tears in his eyes as he approached. Socrates said to them “You lookin’ to be two dead men? You better get out of here before I get more angry". Once again, Socrates was an underdog and was twice as old as these men. The men started attacking Socrates; but Socrates grabbed one by his hair and threw him to the ground. Socrates then picked up the steel pipe that was in his yard and told them to get out of there and he warned them to stay away. We can see how strong Socrates was even when he was old. Nothing has changed in his physical toughness. He is not afraid of anyone and believes he is the strongest in LA.

Answer 3

Throughout the novel, Socrates does not change in his physical toughness; his ability remains the same. Mr. Lomax from Cherry Hill Developers sends two African American men to empty out Socrates' apartment because he lived there illegally. When Socrates saw these men throwing out his sofa, he teared up as he approached them. Socrates said to them, “you lookin’ to be two dead men” you better get out of here before he became angrier. Once again, Socrates was an underdog and was twice as old than these men. The men began attacking Socrates, however, Socrates grabbed each man by his hair and threw both of them to the ground. Socrates then picked up the steel pipe that was in his yard and told them to leave his property and never some back. From Socrates' actions, one can see how powerful this man was, even though he had attained old age. Nothing changes in his strength. He is not afraid of anyone and believes he is the strongest in Los Angeles.

Answer 4

Throughout the novel, I have noticed that Socrates doesn’t change in area of physical strength; his physical ability remains the same. Mr. Lomax, from Cherry Hill Developers, sends two African American to vacate Socrates' apartment due to illegal living conditions. When Socrates saw these men throwing his sofa, he approached them with tears in his eyes. Socrates said to them, “you lookin’ to be two dead men; you better get out of here." Once again, Socrates was an underdog and twice the age of these men. The men began attacking Socrates with the grabbing of his hair and ended it by throwing him onto the ground. Socrates then picked up the steel pipe found in his yard and told them to get out from here for he was forewarning them to stay away. Note Socrates' physical strength at such an age. Nothing has changed, even with time. He fears no one and believes he is the strongest in LA.