Parents that will not stop associating with Ex-wife?

Question

I have been divorced now for 8 years. I have two kids with my ex. I am remarried as of 2 years now. Me and my ex are not on what you could say are the best of terms. But mostly because of her. She is very unwilling to be sociable and keeps tension between us by doing things that disrupted our relationship. For example I have asked that she not take the kids to feed them dinner on days (in Curtin circumstances) because I had dinner planes with the kids already planed. She refuses to get along in many cases. My wife now in the beginning tried very hard to become friendly with her and talk to her for the benefit of the kids. To be friends. Only to get stabbed in the back by the ex and have the ex tell the kids lies and try her best to turn them against my wife. My father and Step mom who are a big part of the kid’s life when it is convenient for them will not stop associating with my ex. It would be different if the ex and I got along. But we don’t. So this hurts my wife’s fillings a lot of times because my wife will try to be part of our family and talk to my parents and do things with them only to hear about the ex. My parents just don’t get it. I have tried talking to them and they always say “we don’t talk to her that much”. They also say “we just want to see the kids, and we know you don’t have them very much and don’t want to take that time away from you”. My filling on this is they should try more to see them when I have them and be more a part of there lives when I have them. Make my wife fill like she is more a part of the family and not the ex. Any advice on this? How do I get my parents to understand what they are doing to my family and life I am trying to rebuild and make stable for my kids who have been through enough in a nasty relationship between me and there mother.

Answer 1

As they say, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your relatives. What gives you the right to dictate who your parents choose as friends? Is it their fault you made a dumb choice? You chose, they supported you, now please, grow up and don't let your own choices undermine who your parents have chosen to support (you). You made a mistake but your mistake doesn't have to change them.

Answer 2

Divorce brings about new roles in people. For example, although you are not married to your ex, she is still the mother of your children. She has full custody of the children and you must give her credit for taking that job on. You know, it is not easy raising children without a father. It is very painful when the father of the children takes on a new wife, because it is normal for an ex to feel that way. You can make this easier on your ex by giving your ex priority on decision making. Things like dinner should be her priority, not yours. You have to work with her, not against her. Your new wife will be understanding if she really loves you. Do a lot of listening to your ex, and less talking or criticising. Your parents should see the children without having to have anything to do with the ex. But only you can arrange that. Again, your ex will participate with you more if you cut her some slack.

Answer 3

I try very hard to get along with my ex AND His family. It takes a big effort on everyone's part. And it all boils down to YOU DO IT FOR THE KIDS. not the old wife, not the new wife, not the parents, but for the kids. I think it's admirable that your folks are trying to trying to keep some peace with the ex esp. since you and your new wife can't. Looks like you need to thank them for dealing well with a difficult situation and making your kids lives easier.

Answer 4

Tough spot when the parents won't hear reason and the ex has no reason. 1st be sure to reassure you wife that her presence in the family particularly to you is of up most importance. When ever your wife is around your parents if they bring up the ex, simply have your wife be upfront and say I would perfer we not speak of her unless its relevent to the childrens safety and well-being. Once your wife stands her ground your parents will first be taken back but will respect her for it. She needs to let them kow what this family means to her by standing her ground. Your ex wife has been calling the shots, let her think she is but really you call them. From this point on when it comes to the children and dinner have the back up plan of ice cream sundays while you and your wife eat dinner. Good luck

Answer 5

You can't get mad at your parents because they are civil with the mother of your children...You can't please everyone not even your new wife...She has to understand it is what it is...Your ex-wife and children were here before her and you nor she cannot expect your family just to erase her out of the picture...How do you think you children would feel that you don't want your parents to have a relationship with their mother for their sakes....It's not unfair and what you expect from your parents isn't neither....You need to make way for the sake of your parents and your children to have a relationship aside from YOU....Think about it***

Answer 6

They have every right to stay in contact with your ex, because she is the mother of their grandchildren and they obviously care about your kids. Instead of worrying about that, you should ask them to stop discussing your ex in front of your wife and to start treating your wife like part of your family. If they don't listen, you can just limit your time with them.

Answer 7

my suggestion would be not to try and stop your parents from befriending your ex, just because you don't get a long, this seems very childish. Just start taking your children over more when you have them and this will comfort your parents more and less likely for them to turn to her to see the children.

Answer 8

Tell your parents that, just as you divorced your ex, you may have to divorce them too. YOU NEED NO CONSTANT REMINDER OF HER IN YOUR LIFE. THAT THEIR GOING TO SEE THE KIDS SHOULD BE IN YOUR FAMILY UNIT, NOT THE EX'S.

LET THEM KNOW THAT THEY DISRESPECT YOUR WIFE AND YOU WILL NOT TOLERATE IT. LEAVE IT UP TO THEM AS A CHOICE AND IF COMPLIANT, PLAN A COOK OUT FOR THEM, THE KIDS, AND YOUR WIFE. GOOD LUCK.

ALSO, INSTRUCT YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO TREAT YOUR WIFE.

Answer 9

you know what..............

and I don't have kids...............

have observed as an uncle though...............

even when parents are fighting and hate each other, etc........

if the parents and siblings or whoever like both people, its unfair to ask them to hate somebody if they don't

especially is bad for the kids