Why would they say, ill ring you, but then dont??

Question

Why do you think he hasn't replied. PLEASE HELP. Confused!?
I had a fling with a guy for around half a year. We both have a partner and i dont know about him but i love mine to bits, just get bored sometimes (hence why the fling happened) Anyway the guy just stopped being in contact one day with his reason being 'its wrong' Well he had said that many times before but as soon as we saw each other again, it tended to go out the window. Anyway this time its for real and I can't figure out why this time he really doesn't want anything to do with me. So i wrote him a letter and posted it basically saying i never wanted more than no strings, but i miss it and can't figure out why the sudden change of heart and can he please explain so i can understand and move on, I also asked if he hates me. He then told me he would ring me, but he hasn't, nor has he replied. Why do you think this might be so? Please answer, i am confused

p.s i have heard he prefs not to open up about how he is feeling, but is it that hard to just send a reply and elaborate a bit on why the sudden change of heart for good this time. Also i asked him via txt if i could send the letter first and he said ok. Why say ill ring if he didn't want to, why not just ignore me like usual?

Answer 1

Maybe his partner found out and is not happy with the situation. As this is supposed to be a "no strings" fling with you, he may be / is more vested in his own partner.

No strings means no strings, no explanation if either of you decide to break things off.

It seems like there are strings for you and you are confused by this.

Time to move on, find another "fling" or commit to your partner.

Good luck.

Answer 2

First of all, I'd advise you to move on past this so-called fling. It's obvious this relationship, as casual as you claim it to have been, grew to mean something of substance to you. If it had been truly meaningless, you wouldn't miss it.

Second, many times in our lives we hope for that moment of closure where we can sit down with that person we have an issue with and resolve it with a good talk or even a cry. Unfortunately in the real world, things don't always work out like that. Sometimes the person we need closure from isn't ready (or never will be ready) to give it to us. Sometimes we aren't ready to accept it.

As for the sudden change of heart, you mentioned that he'd made the effort in the past to stop the affair and be faithful to his partner though those efforts usually proved useless when you saw each other again... perhaps he's trying to diminish temptation to participate in the fling again while still trying to keep you appeased with the idea that he will let you know.

Either way, I think this is one of those moments in life where you let it go and move on.

Answer 3

Let me ask YOU a question: You said, "We both have a partner and i dont know about him but i love mine to bits, just get bored sometimes."
How would you feel, if you found out your 'somewhat significant -but not exclusively' other, was doing the same thing to you that you are, to them?

By the way, that's a rhetorcal question -so don't write -I do not honestly care to know the details.

My point is that neither of you are, or were happy, that's why your relationship was possible. And the audacity that both of you had, to treat your respective partners as though they were being tolerated, and not truly cared for, is outrageous!
No matter what you tell yourself, You're cruel.

Unless you are/were in open relationships, with your respective partners, with mutually agreed upon, and acknowledged "understandings" between you, about extraneous involvements, someone needs to tell you, and I don't mind being that someone, that you need to stop being a coward.
If you're not happy, you're supposed to muster the integrity to move on, not cling to the comfort and conveniences of familiarity. 'Not lie, by omission, or commission.

Good luck.

Answer 4

1. Leave the man alone. He got what he wanted (sex with no commitment) and why he is done is besides the point.

2. Did you use condoms for this affair? If not, you don't love your partner enough to protect yourself and him from a terminal disease.

3. Did you tell your partner about this affair? in other words, do you have an open relationship. if the answer to this is no then you need counseling to find out why you would risk your relationship for casual sex.

I think that you need to look into what is motivating your behavior. Good Luck.

Answer 5

It sounds like guilt and his conscience have gotten the best of him. You say you both have partners and the 2 of you were having a fling because you were bored with the partner that you "love to bits". His reason sounds like a good one to me. It's wrong to cheat on a committed relationship. I think he finally decided to maybe work on his relationship instead of trying to find happiness elsewhere. My opinion is to leave him alone and let him try to work things out in his own life. You should try to do the same thing.

Answer 6

Well, it wasn't a sudden change of heart; as you said, he had said "it was wrong" many times before. He finally got a grip on himself and you need to do that too. Cheating is low and damaging and downright hurtful!! You need to wise up like he did and stay with one guy or play the field, but don't waste someone else's time by having "flings" with other people when they are trusting you to be faithful.

Answer 7

Maybe his integrity gene kicked in. Maybe he got bored with you. In any case, why is a cheater like you trying to lecture him on the "discourtesy" of his lack of response? He sounds like a stand-up person to me. You are just involved in a power struggle. Get over it and get over him. You say there were no strings attached. You can't try to attach some now. Too late. Learn the lesson.

Answer 8

Telling someone you will call and not doing it is simply taking the cowards way out. But in truth he probably didn't want to hurt your feelings and figured if he told you he would call and then did not you might get the hint and move on.

Answer 9

ya know kiddo , I think that you've answered your own question. Sorry , But it all boils down to 'A Fling' nothing nore and nothing less . That's what it means to this person.

Answer 10

you both know it is wrong. he is finally trying to cut all ties with you and end it. if you really wanted to be with eachother, you would have your significant others to be with only eachother.